To not go to work thing?

[codenameduchess]

I have been informed I'm to attend a large meeting/event soon, in the middle of a v busy city centre with no parking and a 20 minute walk from the nearest train station. It's in no way connected to my job and is more of a company wide update (think 4 hours of power point with a limp buffet).

Additional costs for getting there won't be reimbursed in any way.

I have an appointment the same day before this event which I'll have to cancel if o attend and won't be able to rebook until the new year- for a condition affecting my day to day life that I've had to go private for.

I'm currently trying to get help for anxiety and my gp has expressed concerns for depression and OCD. Waiting times are undefined but looking at weeks or months.

So AIBU to not go? The travel there is a huge anxiety trigger for me. I simply won't be able to cope on the train and walk alone, driving will take too long and parking is very limited (at least an hour from experience plus time to find a parking space). My manager is has dismissed my anxiety and said i have to get over it but I don't really want to spend an hour each way alone in that state and then spend however long after trying to put myself back together again.

The location is a ridiculous choice, out of the way of our operating area but the organiser fancied a drink after so chose the city centre to suit them.

Will it be noticed if you don’t go ? Then pretend you were mugged or something on route. !!

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to not go, but I don't really believe in these corporate things anyway. Just a waste of time when you could be in the office doing your job. Can you maybe get something from your gp confirming that it would be damaging to your health and he doesn't recommend it?

I wouldn't go if it meant missing a medical appointment
I can feel how anxious you are just by reading your post ,
Don't put yourself through it , no job is worth it

If you have a doctor appointment before this then that's a good reason not to go. If your manager has dismissed your anxiety then speak to your occupational health department if you have one, they are there to support you. If you do end up wanting to go can you travel with someone else, could you car share. I hate these events.

YANBU. Tell your manager that you have a medical appointment and can’t change it, you don’t need to go into further details with them about it.

It's not just me that hates these things then! They are a massive waste of everyone's time, and a full day of time lost for a few hundred people and nothing of value gained because we all know what's being talked about. I worked out for my little team to attend it's around £700 in salary to attend.

The only people who'd really notice my absence is my team and only my manager would have an issue with it.

I'm struggling a lot atm and have massively increased my working from home because of the anxiety. With the piss poor attitude of my manager I was wondering if a conveniently timed home emergency would be easier all round?

I sympathise, I have A&D and this kind of workplace crap doesn't help.

If you think you can get away with a home emergency etc then do. It sounds like you already told your manager you didn't want to go though? The trick with these things is to pretend to be keen and then....oh no, you have a stomach bug, what a shame.

I thought the doctor has just rung and has had to change your appointment to later in the day so unfortunately you won't make it in time especially with all the Christmas traffic but I am sure they'll have a great time without you.

@Grace212 that's usually the plan! But my manager forced my hand a bit by inserting into a conversation where I was in the middle of saying to a colleague that I was struggling with timings. They've also refused to let me attend CPD courses because I can't handle a 4 or 5 hour train journey and for whatever reason they refuse to allow a hire car (which is less than half the train ticket cost!)

Can you have a quiet chat with HR about this manager? He's dissing a legimate health issue, and also refusing a cheaper form of transport, can't see the company being happy about that. It's his general attitude.

Meanwhile, I'd also go for a "change to doctor's appointment, sorry can't go".

Don't give up your appointment, especially if you won't be able to rebook for weeks or months. I'd be more concerned about your manager dismissing your condition. You can't just 'get over' anxiety FFS!

Also they should reimburse you for expenses as it is their cost of doing business, not yours. Unfortunately you don't have it in your budget to pay for attending so won't be able to go.

refusing to allow you CPD is outrageous.

def don't miss a doctor appointment for all this crap. Maybe the thing to do now is just sound keen till it comes up, then invent an emergency. I bet you won't be the only person to do that!

I wouldn't dream of cancelling the medical appointment and I hope you don't.

Don't cancel your appointment. And complain about this Manager.

If its a work event they pay

I've worked for some crappy employers in my time, but never for one that wouldn't reimburse travel costs if they required you to be somewhere that isn't your usual base.

If your anxiety etc is something that has been going on for a while, I think it should be considered a disability to which the DDA applies. By letting you increase the time you spend working from home, they've already put in place an adjustment, and forcing you to attend something that is going to exacerbate your anxiety is just ridiculous.

If I was in your position, I'd be having a word with whoever is in HR or Health & Safety who's responsible for disability issues.

And I think your manager needs some training in what their responsibilities with regard to reaosnable adjustments are.

I book annual leave at the first peep of these things.

Yanbu.
Your health trumps a work event.