AIBU to go back on anti depressants?

[PloughingOnward]

Trying to weigh this up carefully. I tapered off them very slowly and have been off now for a while, doing ok. Main reason for wanting to be off them is they can affect your liver and health anxiety is one of my issues, so I always have that in the back of my mind when I take them.

But I've noticed my level of anxiety is much higher in general over the last month or so. It's exhausting, and getting to a point where it sometimes feels physical - I guess from all the muscle tension.

I am low contact with my family and feel very lonely and at times have started to wonder if I am actually just not likeable or worth bothering with - this feels like a red flag for depression. I've not been depressed for several years now.

I don't have a consistent gp, and my psychiatrist has moved elsewhere but before she left said to me they were confident in both my decision to try stopping the meds and also to go back on if I feel I need to.

Wwyd? Aibu to start them again - should I try to push through this? I'm torn because I certainly don't want things to get worse but don't want to give up too easily either.

Going on medication isn't giving up, it is listening to your body and recognisimg when it needs a little extra help.

If you had a bad infection, would you hesitate to take antibiotics and class antibiotics as giving up? Your mental health should be treated the same way as your physical health. They have a profound effect on each other and are equally as important

Yes sorry I don't see medication as giving up at all in general. To use your analogy though it's like taking another course of antibiotics and we all keep hearing how we should be cautious with those too

I suppose I mean how to know when to push myself to soldier on unmedicated, vs how to make sure I catch any opportunistic depression that could be trying to get me by starting to take the meds again.

Where's the tipping point from dealing with normal difficult life stuff, to needing the medication?

I'm in a very similar situation to you. I had tapered to nothing until v recently and was getting on ok but the anxiety came back after a stressful event and I've gone back on to them. Saw gp who agreed now is not the time. It's been about a week, so I'm not feeling the full effects yet but I'm coping better than i was. I vote go back if you feel so inclined.

You can soldier on unmedicated but why would you? Nobody tells asthmatics or diabetics to do that, why should mental health be any different? Life is too short to be struggling and miserable when antidepressants could help you feel better and more in control.

NumbersLetters, it's really hard isn't it? I hope yours kick in soon. I'm leaning towards taking them myself I have to say.

Really, in terms of pros and cons the only thing I'm worried about is the risk to the liver. They worked so well for me before with no side effects I'm confident in them in terms of helping me. I'm just a bit worried about my liver.

If you can recognise depression coming on again, and can motivate yourself to do whatever helps you to drive it away, then by all means soldier on without meds.

If you recognise depression coming on, but can't motivate yourself to do anything about it, consider meds. And talk to your GP about the health worries surrounding meds.

If you don't recognise depression but have come to an objective conclusion that you're not likeable, then get to the GP fast.

There's nothing virtuous about soldiering on without meds.

It's not about virtue. It's about health anxiety, so in general I'm not comfortable with taking medications unless absolutely necessary. Which of course at times it very much is! It certainly was for me before, and maybe it is again right now.

That's the thing though about wondering if maybe I'm not particularly likeable. I don't know if that's depression, because my family members hold a fairly low opinion of me - that's the truth of the situation, I don't think it's necessarily depression to feel very sad about that?

You already sound very likeable to me, and I'm not just saying that. But yet, not feeling valued by your family is a reasonable reason to feel sad. Can you examine how you feel in more general terms?

Personally I would go back on the meds. What were you taking previously? If you're worried about liver damage, have you discussed this with your GP and if so are there any other ADs you could try instead?

Oh and I'm another depressed anxious person who is no/low contact with certain family members. I've just accepted that ADs will probably be a part of my life until I die tbh. There are very few other illnesses where would expect people to soldier on or push through without meds.

I've been on and off anti depressants a few times and in my wxperience it is a damn sight easier to reign it in when you treat it early rather than letting it hit crisis point you know the signs, well done for recognising them. If you have been aware something isn't quite right for a few weeks and talking yourself through it isn't helping then absolutely go back on them and don't see it as defeat see at as looking after yourself.

I think now is exactly the right time to go back on them OP. Like catching a UTI at an early stage before it becomes serious. get on the phone today and get it sorted.

Ok, different question - what's your alternative plan if you don't try medication? Do you have an alternative plan (besides carrying on as you are)?

It sounds like you've had some really difficult stuff happen to you and it's no wonder it's left you with such sadness and self doubt. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with and the position you're in, but I don't think it's a reflection on you. Our culture has a strong narrative about families that is giving you this idea that being LC is about you rather than them.

Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but we don't choose the family into which we're born, and for many people that family is toxic, dysfunctional, harmful or abusive. Growing up in any of those circumstances would make anybody feel they must be unlikeable - but it doesn't mean they are.

So, Option C, what about doing a bit of self esteem and/or self compassion work? See how that goes, where it takes you, and then reevaluate?

Compassion focused therapy springs to mind (there's a book called the 'compassionate mind approach to healing trauma' that might give you a different way of understanding your experiences that will help you live in a way that causes you less pain and anxiety, even if you don't label them as trauma).

CCI (centre for clinical interventions) also have some handy online modules on self esteem.

Take care.

Ploughing I tapered my AD off to almost nothing over the course of 3-4 months but found that I was spending far too much time in tears and feeling completely worthless. After lots of umming and ahhing I went back to my original dose last week and this week have suddenly realised I feel like me again.

For me, there is a goblin sitting on my shoulder who keeps telling me how useless I am, how no one likes me, I'm ugly, fat yada yada yada thats why I'm lonely and have no friends. Anything negative he's there, talking at me and reinforcing it. When I'm on the AD I can get him to shut up! It never goes away but I'm able to process the thoughts more logically and deal with them.

I was really hoping to come off the AD but maybe have to accept that I just need the small daily dose of whatever it gives me to avoid the depression coming back

What is the AD and how significant are the associated liver risks?

I take agomelatine which requires periodic blood tests to check my liver function. I weighed up the risks but decided there was more benefit to taking them than not.

Thank you, just quickly scanning replies. It is agomelatine as mentioned above. I've booked an appointment with a gp to get the liver blood test that you have to get before taking them or increasing dosage.

This gp is really impatient and will probably groan inwardly when I come in saying my anxiety is worse.

Op I can’t stress the importance of trying to get a sympathetic and consistent gp. He/she should not be impatient. Try other gps in your practice or area and find one that you click with. My gp books appointments directly for me to check in ok and I always see one of two gps.

Luke you Ive started Prozac after a period of being med free. I did really well for a long time but I’ve just had a baby and was starting to feel really low and anxious. Like you I could have soldiers on but it’s nit fair on my baby. I’m on the list for therapy too as I think I could probably get through with therapy but I can’t risk getting worse in the mean time.

I have bipolar and have been on loads of anti depressants and anti psychotics. I’m currently on amitriptline, lithium and respiridone (as well as 5 other medications). The lithium gives a risk to my liver so regular blood tests for me!

However, by taking them I am functional. I’m a good mum who gets up each morning and sends her kids off to school and uni, I can do some aspects of house cleaning (have physical health issues which I won’t go into), have a cleaner to do the harder stuff, I cook evening meals each night, I read over their home work and essays (I have a masters). I am me and I’m a mum. If I didn’t take them, I would be struggling to get out of bed, I won’t shower for days on end, the house would get in a state, I would be crying over spilt milk (literally), I wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t be mum.

So weighing up the pros and cons, as much as I don’t like putting chemicals in my body, and chemicals that can damage me. They allow me to lead a life. They allow my children to have a mum- which after my chaotic upbringing is so important to me.

As others have said if you had asthma, diabetes etc, you wouldn’t think twice about taking your medication. Mental health problems are no different. Good luck x

Will your GP prescribe the agomelatine or do you need to get it from the mental health medication clinic? If the latter (GPs aren't allowed to prescribe it in my area) then they'll make sure you get the regular blood tests, and it gives you the chance to check in with a CPN once a month.

Regarding the potential liver complications, they can be serious but they are very rare. If you were having an adverse reaction you would be aware and be able to take action before it becomes a problem. I had a scare when I started bruising lots, but had a blood test the same day and results the next day confirmed all was fine. I'm just one of those people that bruise a lot.

You're right to weigh up the risks, but on balance taking the meds sounds a good idea for now.

Struggling this afternoon. I'm frustrated and embarrassed by how useless I'm feeling, so uptight and anxious about things that don't really matter.

My coat was wet in the rain yesterday, and DP put it to hang up where it was touching a tea towel. I'm so stressed and anxious now. I'd been to a public loo and hung my coat on the back of the door, and now it's touching my tea towel.

So I put on a wash and meant to throw tea towel in but forgot and honestly shaking with anxiety - why am I so rubbish? Why am I forgetting?

Contamination issues are a big part of my anxiety, but is there a risk from the coat and tea towel scenario? Is that just my anxiety or is it a real risk to health?

A thousand tiny inconsequential incidents like this can play on my mind when my anxiety gets bad. Small apartment where space dictates things are very close together, commuting on London public transport, and my imagination runs away with me and I get so tense.

Sorry, I'm struggling with it this afternoon.

You don't ever need to say sorry for struggling. You are human! You sound lovely, you deserve to feel well and happy. Definitely another one here saying go to docs (a different doc if needed), and put the teatowel in a hand-wash to make you feel better. I'm a long term antidepressant user too and I know what it feels like to start feeling out of control with it. Please take advice from someone who has done and said the same thing