To worry that my son isn't getting enough sleep

[ClarabellaCTL]

My DS1 is 9, and I try to stick to a bedtime of 8.30, let him read for a bit to wind down and lights out at 9. He is always faffing about and saying he finds it hard to get to sleep. It's either too hot, too cold, sore throat, hungry, needs a wee..... I'd say with confidence that he's often not dropping off to sleep until 10pm. Our weekday wake-up time is 7-7.30am. I find I'm getting really stressed out about it, I think he should have more sleep but I'm not sure how to achieve that for him.

My DH is in the forces so I am on my own all week with the kids just now, I work part-time so on 3 days a week we don't get home until 6pm. I like to have a bit of time with him to help with homework, or just play a game or something so he gets to stay up for an hour after DS1 goes to bed at 7.30 (DS1 is great at going to sleep, he's usually snoozing before I've made it out of the room!) If I put DS2 to bed earlier he'll hardly have any downtime before bed.

Any suggestions?

I would think that for a 9 year old, sleeping from 10-7:30 is not bad. A lot of 9 year olds are still getting up a lot earlier, at say 6 or 6:30.

However, I'd also say you would know if he's getting too little sleep. DS is a nightmare and we've struggled for years, but we've also learnt to tell when it really is a problem. When he is consistently getting too little sleep he starts to get very cranky and easily upset, particularly at the end of the day. He's less cheerful generally and we can tell. Does your DS have any signs that he's not getting enough sleep? My dad always says that if they're in bed and chilling out, that is at least rest, even if they're not sleeping, which I've found helpful int he context of DS' sleep patterns.

I check there’s nothing else bothering him/ rule out stress or illness and then I would explain to him that you are worried about him not getting enough sleep- because he is faffing around and not getting settled ready to sleep by 9pm sharp. Because of this you are going to bring forward his timings by half an hour temporarily ( ie 8pm in bed reading 8:30pm lights out) if he proves he can settle well for 7 nights in a row you will reinstate his 9pm lights out (and possibly a mini outing 1 on 1 of poss together- eg. hot choc and football in park or similar!?)

Does he wake up naturally? if so, he's getting enough sleep. If not, does he get up easily and without a fuss when woken up? If so, again, he's probably getting enough sleep but if he wasn't, he'd probably start to fall asleep earlier while reading in bed (I've found my sons asleep with books over their faces before, or with a book on the floor where it's clearly just dropped out of their hand).

My DS1 probably needed about the same amount of sleep or even less at the same age. Put him to bed too early and he'd be bouncing around at stupid o'clock in the morning. DS2 needed more, but until he was in his mid teens he'd quite happily take himself off to bed when he felt the need, with no need to police him. A tired child of that age (especially if he's reading or just relaxing in bed, not looking at a phone or something that could make him more alert) will go to sleep, one way or the other.

Does he seem tired during the day? Maybe he is getting enough sleep for him.

My 9 year old falls asleep at about 10 or 10.30 no matter how much exercise he does during the day. He is up at 7.30 everyday. He is never tired during the day. He has been falling asleep at about 10pm since he was 7 and it hasn’t negatively affected him.

I have to wake him but he does get up easily and doesn't show any signs of tiredness in the day. Thank you for your replies, I'm somewhat reassured!

I don’t think ANY of us are getting enough sleep! As a mother with a 1 year old who hated sleep up until about a month ago I survive on 6 hours BROKEN sleep a night. Yet I’m meant to have 6-8 hours UNBROKEN sleep a night 😳. I think unless it’s affecting her life (ability to concentrate at school, eat, her mood) then I wouldn’t be concerned. After all we’re all individuals, pre children I’d be in bed at 9pm everynight when i needed to get up at 8am. Yet my other half only needs about 6 hours anymore and he feels crap!