Please help me I'm going mad with worry FAS related

[LifesTooShortForMatchingSocks]

Dd is almost 10. She is beautiful, funny, intelligent. When I was pregnant I didn't find out until I was 6 weeks and around 5wks 3 days I went out drinking and got pretty drunk.
I was recently reading an article about children with fetal alcohol syndrome and their facial characteristics. Dd has the thin upper lip and smooth philtrum and also had a wide flat nasal bridge as a baby.
She has had no developmental delays but does have anxiety issues.
I have looked into it and have now convinced myself I have given her FAS and have that I've just her or even shortened her life span and I'm devastated.
I have OCD and health anxiety and I can't tell if this is a genuine concern or if I'm going mad I can't even look at her without wanting to cry. Please help.

I went out and got very drunk and found out I was pregnant two days later. I understand the guilt but at that stage in pregnancy, there wouldn't be any damage done.

OCD can cause intrusive anxious thoughts and doubts. Please speak to your GP about your concerns

It is difficult to read the false facts about FASD on this thread so I can completely understand why someone has put the correct info out there!

Your DD really does not have the symptoms! Anxiety in your pregnancy most like to have raised your cortisol levels which may have influenced DD and/or modelled on you and your DM observed behaviour.

You need to go back to the GP for another round of helping managing your health anxiety.

You're giving yourself a really hard time over this and on balance of probability it's unlikely your daughter has FASD. If it reassures you, one of my dcs has the facial features but I didn't drink in pg at all. It isn't FASD just a face. As pp said, there are a range of FAS effects with FASD being the full blown version. Impulse control issues, problem-solving difficulties, planning problems, sensitised arousal (anger/temper) problems are all common with FAS. Anxiety might be part but is unlikely to be a stand alone feature. There's more likely to be a cluster of symptoms. Your dd doesn't seem to have many symptoms at all. I think you are torturing yourself OP. Stand back from these thoughts and look at what evidence there is that she does not have FASD. A bit of self care is maybe needed right now? Best wishes

Thanks GeneraBallAche. I do blame myself though I suppose it's hard not to but I am finding it hard to figure out what is real.and what is not now. I'm so anxious about everything that it has all become a blurr

Do you use ASMR? If you haven't tried it there are all different kinds for relaxation (look it up on youtube) but specifically search "ASMR for anxiety" Or "ASMR for panic attacks"

People don't really understand OCD and anxiety. The number of people who say they have both with absolutely no diagnosis or no understanding of what either actually mean is astounding to me.

"I like to hoover my house once a week! lolz so OCD!!"

OP please step away from DrGoogle. It's the worst thing anyone can do, let alone if you have health anxiety!

Having a heavy night ONCE is not the same than stopping drinking at 8 weeks. For all you know that woman was drinking everyday and very heavily at weekends.
That’s ONE woman.
On the other side, you have MANY MANY women that don’t know they are pregnant until quite late on, carry on living their life as usual and their children are TOTALLY OK.

And that’s exactly what is happening to your dd. She has no SN, just some facial features that can be found on other people. That’s not enough to diagnose FAS!! The diagnosis is much more complex than that.
Please try and concentrate in your dd NOW. She is doing well, has your full support with her anxiety. That’s the most important thing you can do for her.

The thing that's likely to damage your dd here is your mental health, not a drink you had when you were a few weeks pregnant. Go speak to your GP.

Ouch. Bit harsh.

OP your daughter doesn't sound like she has FAS. I have worked with children with FAS and it is more about their development and behaviour than facial features in reality. They had delayed speech, behavioural issues, learning difficulties etc. You would most certainly know by now and DD wouldn't be in a mainstream school. One driving session at that time won't have harmed her. I found out I was pregnant at 4.5 weeks and had an Xmas drinking session a few days before. I was devastated but spoke to my midwife who said that this was a non issue because until the placenta is formed baby is feeding off it's own yolk sack. This was still the case when I had an 8 week scan (a choice to do this privately rather than out of need). DD is only 15 weeks so this is very up to date guidance that I later confirmed with a consultant so the pp who said this is wrong is full of shit quite frankly!

I think the bigger issues is your anxiety and OCD. There is a genetic factor to mental health but equally there is an environmental factor and an element of learned behaviour. She may be picking up on your anxious behaviours. I think that you need to be seeking support for both of you.

Actually, we don't know yet how quantity of alcohol, patterns of drinking, or timing of exposure is linked to risk in fas. So, the claim that a mother would have to drink heavily throughout pregnancy to cause it is not evidence based.

However, I am not saying that your dd is certainly affected either, op. But, it sounds like this is going to increase/maintain your anxiety symptoms until it is addressed properly. What about going to your gp and conveying your concerns? It may be that what you consider to meet the facial criteria, actually doesn't. Sometimes we see what we're looking for, whether it's there or not.

The thing that's likely to damage your dd here is your mental health, not a drink you had when you were a few weeks pregnant. Go speak to your GP.

This.

A few silly answers here.

Your. Daughter. Does. Not. Have. FAS.

That is pretty much all there is to it. I hope you get the support you need.

Have you taken your daughter to a doctor for her anxiety? Also you need to go for yourself. I know you've tried to get help in the past but you have to keep trying as this level of anxiety is not healthy.

Cakecakecheese yes she had been under CAMHS for her anxiety and was discharged.

You are doing so well talking it out on here.

You're not alone , you have Mumsnet family right beside you and there will always be someone whatever time of day it is here for you.

How about making a plan.

Write your concerns down in a list.

Make an appointment with your gp and go through it with him. This will put your mind at rest.

Writing it down will help brake the constant thinking about it. Your fears are listed and you have a plan to deal with it.

Have you got any ice cubes. Can you suck one. Sounds bonkers but it will cool you down and give your body a quick shock which may help to stop the thoughts.

Then practice some mindfulness.

You're doing great by recognising your anxiety and I can tell how much your daughter means to you.

Oh poor you. As a fellow health anxiety sufferer this is exactly the same sort of stuff I worry about. Have you been googling? I honestly think I was so much happier before the internet. I don’t think you should worry about FAS in this case (but I also know that when you have anxiety you worry intensely about illogical things). I’d say try not to worry but I know where you are in your head so just sending some solidarity to you xxx

Your anxiety is making you fear this. Ignore it.

Get help for your anxiety.

Seeking reassurance from strangers on the Internet will only perpetuate your anxiety.

Get help.

Your daughter does not have FASD.

My husband has diagnosed HA and GAD. He spent weeks convinced he had a brain tumour as his eyesight was behaving oddly and he had developed tinnitus. He had looked it all up and was totally 100% convinced. He went to optician, gp, audiology and they all told him it was his anxiety but he wouldn’t believe them (or me). He finally took his anti anxiety meds because I begged and 1 month later the tinnitus was gone and the eye issue he found to be caused by the curve of the windscreen in one of our cars!

I am not going to say your daughter doesn’t have FAS because you wouldn’t believe me. I would encourage you to go back to the gp about your anxiety.

My sister fosters, and has a foster child with FAS. Trust me, you’d know well before now if there was a problem.

OP I’m so like you. I have all of the feelings of guilt and shame and dread. It really blighted my early parenting years- which is another thing I feel realy guilty and ashamed about. I think some of the reactions on here have been very supportive and understanding. These thought patterns are very familiar to me and I have had them a lot. Reading what you are going through has made me see how unhelpful these thoughts are. Perhaps it is OCD and the intrusive thoughts. I have never thought I had that. I’m sorry I am making this all about me- I’m not meaning to. It’s just looking at your ways of thinking- as an outsider for once and not my own thoughts- I think that if you can address the intrusive thoughts with some CBT you may be able to feel stronger and get to the point where you can see the thoughts for what they are. I hope this makes some sense. I have recently started therapy and I am going to an appointment this afternoon. I am going to talk about this type of unhelpful intrusive anxiety as an example of what I go through. I hope you feel better really soon. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a wonderful parent.