AIBU to think it's not OK for everyone to ask if I'm pregant/TTC?

[WannabeMumm]

So, I'm 31. Married 18 months ago and been TTC for a while now. I do desperately want a baby but literally everyone is asking if we're trying or if I'm pregnant and it's really starting to piss me off.

I don't mind family/close friends asking, but colleagues do it all the time too and it's really frustrating! My boss has even employed an additional member for our team (who reports to me) and before recruiting I said we didn't need anyone and his response was that we need an additional person in case I leave to have a baby. I've never mentioned that we're trying to him . And now the newbie has just asked if I'm trying for a baby.

Can't people mind their own business?

YANBU. Been there, it's tough.

... oops pressed send - tough to hear when it occupies so many of your thoughts anyway. Always wanted a witty put down but always chickened out myself.
Someone will be along with some good ones soon am sure!!

Yes I hear you. There seems to be little understanding that 1) you might have got married because you loved your partner not just to have children and 2) that it's no one else's business.

Honestly I think it is rude of close family and friends to ask too. Maybe when the next person asks, tell them you will answer when they tell you when they are next going to have sex, hopefully it will shut them up!!

Yup - I get you! It is tough. We've been married for almost 4 years and in that time we've spent 1.5 years trying to conceive naturally, nearly 2 years on the waiting list and preparing for IVF and then 6 months starting procedures for adopting. Also in that 4 years, we've also been asked about a million times along the lines of "do you two not fancy having kids?" Thankfully (in a weird sort of way) I've faced a lot of health issues in the past couple years which we've been able to use as an excuse when people have asked - it's stopped us punching people constantly. I even have my mother complaining that people keep asking her in the street when she's shopping about when my DH and I are having kids so I'm getting pressure from people I don't even know. Totally feel for you - it's awful!

Thanks for the replies and sorry to hear what you've been through @beansonbread.

@purplecorkheart - that's a good one. Maybe I'll try that. The last time my BIL asked when we'd have children I just said around 9 months after getting pregnant.

I couldn't even not have a glass of wine with colleagues the other day without being teased about maybe being pregnant! I just didn't fancy one but made up an excuse about driving. How ridiculous that I'm already having to make up excuses and I'm not even pregnant!

I'm pretty sure that in the newbie's interview the boss mentioned that I might be going on mat leave at some point so there would be scope for more work and responsibilities. Now I just have to train her but there isn't any work for her. It's absolutely ridiculous

@WannabeMumm
YANBU I’ve also been through this the worst thing was following a really horrible ectopic pregnancy (I haemorrhaged collapsed almost died) then had to put on a brave face when people asked if we were trying plus told me to get a move on as I wasn’t getting any younger.
I’m not sure why people feel the need to ask about such a personal issue.
Stay strong and PM if you want to vent 💐💐

It doesn’t stop there - even when you’ve had a child, you will immediately be asked repeatedly by everyone when you are going to have another. Literally with a 2 week old baby some idiots will say “so when are you going to have baby number two?” And you will want to stab them.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Yanbu. I have a medical condition which meant I had to attend preconception appointments for a year before I was given permission to ttc. Drove me mad with people constantly asking when i was having a baby when it wasnt safe to even try. Once you have had your first you constantly get asked when you are having the second (I was literally asked this still on the maternity ward!)

YANBU however I will confess that when I was in my early 20s and naive/stupid I did assume that babies were a thing that most people could have and it was just a matter of personal preference if you had one or not - and I did use to ask this, in much the same way you'd ask someone if they were going on holiday this year.

I get this a bit. People are suddenly fixated on me marrying DP and keep asking and follow it up with baby talk, too. We're late 20s and it all looks likely, so they're trying to be nice... but it feels really intrusive Reasons are often personal. It also seems to be the only thing people ask me and I don't want to rebuff their goodwill with a mean answer.

It is totally not cool. I have been badgered at several jobs about 1. When my OH will propose, 2. When we are getting married. Then I got pregnant and it confused them all!

I asked my OH if people do this to him at work and of course they don’t.

If it gets too much I would mention it. ‘Guys seriously you have to stop this it’s none of your business and I don’t want to talk about it’. When the time comes I would also question how appropriate it is for a junior team member to cover your mat leave - you are not a cost saving!

I eventually told my 'd'm that it was none of her damned business and a very personal question which involved me and my DH only. She stopped banging on. This sort of question really pisses me off.

Yanbu but unfortunately thats what it is. People are going to be rude and ask. Better just prepare some answers that shut people up.

I had this at your age, it was damaging to my career. When I got married it was assumed that I’d have a baby and not return to work, so I was quietly written off.

Of course it isn’t and when we were struggling with secondary infertility it broke my heart every time.