For not feeling immediate connection to bf's children

[Kellybath82]

My new bf has 3 children and although I enjoy spending time with them I feel like I'm not ready for the responsibility. AIBU if I ask my bf to give me time to adjust?

Please don't try too hard. My ex husband moved out of mine and into another woman's home. After being pushed into letting her meet my DD she then massively overstepped the mark from the first weekend she stayed there. They're now split because she had a massive issue with me (funny that seeing as she shagged my husband) and started making shit up. I should have put the daft bitch in her place from the start 😡

It’s quite reassuring that my fiancé had a decade and a half of successful marriage before I met him,

My ex husband has my kids every other weekend with the woman he had an affair with. You just have to go with that.

I have 2 children 13 and 9 and dh and I have been married for 22 years so no step relationships to navigate BUT I find other people's children hard work even in small doses so don't be hard on yourself - you have no children of your own it could take years to work out how to deal with his 3.

I think it would be strange if you did feel an instant connection. Just be kind, respectful of their relationship with their DF and DM and start getting to know them and what they like, dislike etc. There’s no need to put pressure on yourself. This is a new relationship and I think it’s important to just be a positive adult who they can enjoy spending time with.

@CathyTre I know that, however in this case the other woman clearly had a thorn in her side (me) and tried to get at me using my DD and making up trouble I had supposedly caused. It backfired on her because she's now single. Sadly she doesn't know me well enough to know how I work when I'm fucked off but exH does and he knew I hadn't done any of the things she claimed I had. Even if she hadn't tried to cause me issues she still overstepped the mark with my kid and it's wrong. Claims she never touched my exH until we split but let's be honest even if that's true she shouldn't as a mother herself let me be forced to introduce my child to her. Specially seeing as the relationship is now over six months after it started 🤷🏻‍♀️ i always made a huge effort with exH first wife, consulted her about the kids, made every effort to not step on her toes because they're her kids.

Honestly, just try and be their friend when you see them.

It's so difficult at first, and it's really good your bf isn't putting pressure on you - or the kids!

Take your time, don't feel rushed, go at your own pace. Remember the kids will need time to accept you too. But yeah, best advice I was given at the start, don't try and be 'mum' just be a friend to them.

My partner has kids, young teenagers, it took a few months before I said anything other than 'hiya' and 'seeya' to them. They told their mum they thought I was shy but really I just didn't know what to say to them. As time has gone by and we have been out together, to the cinema, for meals, we've chatted and laughed and now we get on fine and like each other [I think]. I thought about how to relate to them in the early months and I decided that they probably didn't want to have a chat with dad's GF when they have their own stuff to do and so I didn't try and get to know them then or force anything and it's working out ok. My kids are much older so I know how to talk to young people but didn't try and force anything. One thing I do know is that they don't need another mum so I'm just friendly.