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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this homophobic?

19 replies

GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 17:58

5. As a lesbian I don’t want to have sex that involves a penis. It’s just my sexual preference, why should this be considered transphobic?

If the only reason a person doesn’t want to have sex with a trans woman is because they have a penis, and they have not previously had penis-related experiences to base their level of desire off, then that is transphobic and closed minded.

Haven't men been asking lesbians "how do you know you're gay if you don't try cock first?" For years. Why are Medium publishing outright homophobia?

medium.com/@jennifer.waring.hansung/why-sexual-assault-is-not-an-excuse-for-transphobia-a-response-to-gender-critical-feminists-74a0d26b1f8a

OP posts:
Acopyofacopy · 27/11/2018 18:02

Homophobic nonsense. I have only ever had sex with men (with penises) and even without trying I know that I don’t want to have sex with a trans man. 🤦‍♀️

TwistedStitch · 27/11/2018 18:03

Homophobic and rapey.

Sethis · 27/11/2018 18:09

blinks

As a man, I haven't had any "penis related" experiences either.

Doesn't mean I'm happy to shag a woman/man with a penis.

And me feeling that way doesn't make me transphobic for fucks sakes. It means I have an aversion to cock, like the other 90% (or whatever) of the male population.

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:10

Do some people not realise that even before a person has sex for the first time, they have an idea in mind of what they want and how it's all going to pan out? No one ever asks straight men why they don't want to have sex with penises. I don't get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:13

4. As a victim of rape or sexual assault, don’t I have the right to reserve and feel comfortable in cis women only spaces?

It is understandable, as a victim of sexual violence, to feel threatened by a penis, but it is important to recognise that in the case of trans women, it’s a false threat. The penis to a rape victim may no doubt be symbolic of sexual violence, but the real threat to female sexual safety is from toxic masculinity, not a biological member.

Just accept the penis already.

I have "Penises don't rape people, Cis men do" to the music of Goldie Lookin Chain in my head.
OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 27/11/2018 18:14

How the fuck this homophobic ideology has managed to hijack the LGB movement and be considered progressive is beyond me. I no longer have any tolerance for this shit and I can guarantee that straight men are not being told to sleep with lady penis. There was a recent thread on twitter involving many men listing in very rude language why they would never sleep with transwomen. And the TRAs were nowhere to be seen.

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:15

As a man, I haven't had any "penis related" experiences either.

Dh had this Shock face when he read it.

OP posts:
blueluce85 · 27/11/2018 18:15

Definitely not "transphobic"

I noticed a distinct lack of the word "homophobic" when using the same sex idea as an analogy, but still used close minded

Either way, if you don't want to do it, then that is up to you. You shouldn't be labelled homophobic or close minded.... Just because someone looks at me and decides they don't even want to try sex with me... Doesn't make them blueluce-ophobic!!! 🤣

JudasPrudy · 27/11/2018 18:17

' but the real threat to female sexual safety is from toxic masculinity'

No toxic masculinity to see here, just accept my penis you transphobes.

(Said no woman, ever)

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:19

The author has written her job as teacher which is a concern for me. Actually, I'm assuming it's a her as it's discussing women sexual survivors and I like to think most "cis" men wouldn't be so fucking stupid as to think that was their place.

But this straight woman gets to call herself a lesbian while lecturing actual lesbians about lesbianism.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 27/11/2018 18:20

Just because someone looks at me and decides they don't even want to try sex with me... Doesn't make them blueluce-ophobic!!!

Are you sure you’re not acknowledging your hurtiness, Blue? Do you need a safe space? 😁

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:38

Just because someone looks at me and decides they don't even want to try sex with me... Doesn't make them blueluce-ophobic!!!

I might write to Brad Pitt and let him know it would be Ballache-phobic to not give me a chance.

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 27/11/2018 18:40

So is it now illegal to have a dating website which allows selection of dates by ageist, sexist or racist criteria? Or by appearance? size? disability? economic status? Bring it on!

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 18:44

missymayhemsmum This guy wants to legally change his age so he can meet younger women online.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46133262

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 27/11/2018 18:52

If the only reason a person doesn’t want to have sex with a trans woman is because they have a penis, and they have not previously had penis-related experiences to base their level of desire off, then that is transphobic and closed minded.

I didn't agree with any of what the writer was saying but they went totally off the boil and #peaktrans-ed me at this point.

How about:

"If the only reason a woman doesn't want to have sex with a man is because she's not attracted to him, but she hasn't previously had sex with that man to base her level of desire off, then that is frigid and closed minded."

MeredithGrey1 · 27/11/2018 19:06

That link has some bizarre ideas. Directly after the bit you initially quoted is this:
“The same way that not considering a same-sex relationship because you think you are not attracted to same-sex genitals without any actual experience is also closed-minded. ”
I don’t need to have had sex with someone with a vagina to know I’m not sexually attracted to them. Just like lesbians don’t need to have had sex with someone with a penis to know they’re not attracted to them.

I particularly don’t like the phrase “because you think you are not attracted”, I, just like everyone else, am perfectly capable of determining what I am and am not attracted to.

Original poster
GeneralBallAche · 27/11/2018 19:08

You get a lot of young people defining their sexuality as "pansexual" but in practice only dating people of a specific genital set up, I think this why. People are having to look open to anything sexually even if they know full well they have no interest.

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QueenofallIsee · 27/11/2018 19:11

Saw my first one from a Transman today...gay men being 'Vagophobic' and rejecting them despite initial flirtation. Have to say I am almost glad this is starting to get aimed at penis havers as well as women, sadly it might get more backlash one men realise that this is coming for them too

nellieellie · 27/11/2018 19:26

Just absolutely crackers. So, the message seems to be that as women we have to have sex with anyone if they have a penis? Is that about it? But not sure about the straight cis men. Are they meant to have sex with anyone who has a penis too? Or is that the point where the guys look down, hum loudly and pretend they don’t hear?

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