Why would I rather fit in?

[scarfhatglove]

I've just recieved my first pay packet since going down to 3 days (in a poorly paid job) and it's worse than I thought.

Jobs and few and far between where I live and with dts under a year I can't afford childcare and I don't have the time to retrain. Gps look after dts for 3 days so we are very lucky in that sense.

Dh has suggested I work for him (he's self employed and starting a new business). I am scared to leave where I am because of the social aspect (belonging sense). The people I work for are OK but are mostly miserable and non inspiring. Why is it so hard to leave? I'm so anxious about it even though I have a good opportunity that pays more lined up.

It's like I rather fit in with the losers than be a winner on my own.

Dh has suggested I work for him (he's self employed and starting a new business).

This sounds like a very bad idea, all your eggs in one basket. Is this the good opportunity that pays more that you have lined up? If not why not go for that, especially if your current working place is getting you down.

Remember the Mumsnet phrase this too shall pass. Your twins won't be little forever, and other jobs will come along that may suit you and your family better.

Yes it pays more and is for 1.5 days rather than 3. Guess what I'm missing is belonging somewhere. I just want to fit in so bad.

If you feel you don't fit in anywhere then working for your husband would probably make you feel more isolated

I gave up my job in the real world seven years ago to work with my partner in his business. The first few months were hard and I really missed being around my old office. Fast forward to now and sometimes I feel that we live in a bubble - I see friends and family but don’t have to be around an office full of people trying to fit in. Instead I’m just me! I would say go for it! Yes your eggs are in one basket but they are your eggs and as long as you look after them all is good

Agree with this.

Dh has suggested I work for him (he's self employed and starting a new business).

This sounds like a very bad idea, all your eggs in one basket.

There sounds like a few issues going on here. It’s hard to make good choices when you are in a bad place.

Another thing to consider is twins are demanding and if you take the job, you’ll be living and working together which can create more tension and resentment as work stress can leak into home life.

You don’t sound like you like your job and the money sounds an issue too so I would look at other jobs, not with your husband, for now.

How long have the people worked at your new job? Is the company expanding so likelihood of new people who may be more sociable? What's the chances of promotion, increased responsibility, more wage at this job? Basically, if you stick it out for a little while can you move up and get better wages?

Remember that it isn't just about the immediate present; your pension/NI contributions, savings etc need to be thought about. DT will get bigger and go to school meaning lower childcare requirements. There are evening classes or online learning if you really want to retrain,its doable, just need to be organised and willing to study at odd moments of the day.

What would you be doing if you worked for DH? I would want a defined role so you don't end up being general dogsbody/secretary/admin/all the shit jobs he doesn't want to do. He must be pretty successful if 1.5 days for him would pay more than 3 days somewhere else. It would all need to be above board as well for tax etc. And no expecting you to work in the evenings when he remembers something "important" .