DD2 and no friends at school

[PowerToTheMeeple]

We’ve moved to a new area and subsequently the DC had to start a new school in September. When we came for a look around and a settling in session before the summer holidays DD2 (7) was very happy, had made lots of friends and was excited to start.

When they started all the DC found it difficult to settle in, but slowly found their feet. DD2 seemed to struggle a bit and we’ve been regularly checking how she is. At parents evening we raised a concern at DD2 not feeling fully integrated into the class, but we were told it was like she’d always been there and everything was fine. Since they went back after half term, DD2 seems to have more bad days than good. She said over the weekend she didn’t want to go to school anymore, which isn’t at all like her. We talked to her and she said some of the girls from class do play with her every now and then, but a lot of the time they ask her to go away. There seems to be one in particular who is more than happy to play with DD2 when she’s (the girl) got no one else to play with, but drops DD2 as soon as one of the others plays with her.

Today DD2 said the same happened again - she was playing with two girls from class and then they told her/asked her to go away, so DD2 did as they asked. I’m getting increasingly concerned about her. She’s a lovely little girl, who would be willing to help anyone and she’s sad about the situation. In their old school she had a good group of friends, I’m not sure why the other girls are asking her to go away, some won’t even let her play. They’re Y3.

She can’t even go play with DC3, as apparently infants and juniors aren’t allowed to play together () even though they’re on the same playground. DD1 is Y6 and although she keeps an eye on DD2, she does other things in school time that means she’s not always on the playground. I don’t want to encourage DD2 being dependant on DD1 and her friends, as I feel DD2 will struggle even more next year.

We’ve sat DD2 down and talked through things with her, but we’re not sure where to go from here. Her teacher hasn’t noted any concerns, even after we mentioned them at parents evening. We’re thinking of approaching her again, but not 100% sure what to say. There have been other issues with the school in general and I really wish we didn’t move. We moved for a variety of reason, some that we couldn’t really change, but I’m feeling awful for moving and I’m worried about DD2.

AIBU to think the teacher should’ve at least noticed something, or took our concerns on board rather than brushing them off? When DD2 started the teacher sat her next to another girl and they seemed to be getting on ok, but then swapped DD2 to sit next to one of the boys who seems to be disruptive as he was talking to his partner and messing about a lot. DD2 says this child distracts her from her work sometimes as he chats a lot and he can get a bit giddy. Not quite sure why you’d move a new kid who was trying to find their feet, but there you go.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I think I would definitely raise it with the teacher. It is concerning you, so would discuss thus with her teacher.

Explain exactly as you have here what your concerns are, say that you are extremely concerned about how she us settling in, and that she is being excluded during play and that this is affecting her behaviour. I would also request she be moved to sit next to a girl too.

I have found that sometimes kids maybe suffering/isolated but as they are not disruptive or lashing out to others they can get overlooked.

*Excluded by other children during play

Thank you Hello.

DD2 will just generally get on with things and don’t like to cause a fuss, so wouldn’t cause problems in class. I’ll raise it with her teacher and see what she says. Just a bit worried I’m going to get brushed off again - she didn’t seem to take in what we said last time. Fingers crossed she’ll take what we say into account.

Poor little mite, the fact she’s saying she doesn’t want to go in school is definitely a reason to raise it with the teacher. She is feeling excluded in the playground and is distracted in lessons with this boisterous boy. Try not to let the teacher fob you off, don’t feel bad about making a fuss, your little girl needs you to stick up for her. I guess the teacher has 30 kids to look out for so might not see how isolated DD is so you need to keep bringing it to her attention. You are doing the right thing, good luck, OP!

We had an almost identical situation except my daughter was just 'left out' rather than being ask d to go away.

I had a meeting with class teacher and head about it and they put a 'buddy' in place. Perhaps one of the children who does play with your dd?

She is observed at breaktimes occasionally to check she isn't being excluded and it's helped. Maybe something similar would help for you.

I would definitely speak to class teacher again.

Thank you both.

I’m going to try have a chat with the teacher after school today to see what we can do. Will suggest a buddy system depending on what the teacher says.