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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not taken dc to the dentist for a few years. Just booked them in and feeling terrible.

48 replies

bigblueballoon · 26/11/2018 10:45

Initially it was because I struggled to get them there (no car) then as time went by I kept putting it off as I felt so bad about not taking them (no logic I know but sort of in denial.) I am so anxious about it now. Worried they will have something wrong with their teeth and also worried about what the dentist will say to me. They are 11 and 13 and they do brush twice a day but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

OP posts:

Rudgie47 · 26/11/2018 12:41

Just keep taking them from now on that's all you can do. The past is the past, theres nothing you can do about that.
I've always attended the dentist every 6 months and more,brushed and flossed etc, and I've had loads of work done, so figure that out.

gruffalomom · 26/11/2018 12:48

I honestly don't know why you would share this. I'm not going to join in making you feel better. I had neglectful parents when it came things like dentist and Dr. Visits and I still suffer now because of that well into adulthood. It is good you have started taking them now but I don't think you deserve a pat on the back for it. I'm not normally so harsh but they are young enough that they still need you to manage these things for them but old enough that you are messing with the teeth they will live with the rest of their lives

Original poster

bigblueballoon · 26/11/2018 12:53

I have massively let them down and honestly feel dreadful and neglectful. That doesn't make it better I know. I so wish I could go back in time and not let this have happened.

OP posts:

BrokenWing · 26/11/2018 12:54

My parents never took any of us to the dentist unless we had toothache and we all have awful teeth because as teenagers in the 80's we continued this and only went when in pain and became terrified of going because there was always treatment required. It was only in my early 30's I started going regularly and by then there was already a lot of irreversible damage, but going regularly has meant it is now progressing slower.

As pp says , no point in regretting the past. They are booked in now and you can see whats going on. Best thing you can do for them now is get them into the habit of going every 6 months to set them up for when they are adults.

bobstersmum · 26/11/2018 12:56

Don't worry op! Just keep taking them now.

Shepherdspieisminging · 26/11/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orchiddingme · 26/11/2018 13:04

Have you got them registered with a local NHS dentist? Have you booked an appointment for the next month for a check up?

If the answer is no- take action today, get them registered and get an appointment booked.

If the answer is yes, don't worry about the past, it can't be changed now, but this is a critical window for funding/braces/as their adult teeth grow in- so use it to your advantage.

Orchiddingme · 26/11/2018 13:05

I see you say you have booked them in in the title- in which case, well done! No point in rehashing the past. I wish I'd given my kids dummies instead of letting them suck their thumbs and need braces. We could all replay time and make ourselves better parents. You are on the right track now and I bet the dentists will be nice.

Avis7 · 26/11/2018 13:07

You've done it now - that's the main thing. After we moved it was impossible to sign up with an NHS dentist for a while and we probably had a gap of a few years between visits. Everything was absolutely fine. You'll get back into the swing of it now you've made the first appointment.

GruciusMalfoy · 26/11/2018 13:07

You're not the only parent to have done this, OP. The dentist shouldn't say much about it. All you can do now is make a fresh start and go each time from now on.

Orchiddingme · 26/11/2018 13:10

To speed things up with the 13 year old, do you think it's likely they will need a brace? Are their top teeth very protruding or the rest of their teeth crowded/crooked?

I'm sure the dentist will tell you, but in our area you can self-refer to the NHS orthodontist which is what I did and then went on a waiting list.

Just an idea.

Ilovewillow · 26/11/2018 13:10

You know it's not ideal but there is no point beating yourself up, you've rectified it now. When things are difficult its always easier to let them slide. I have a real fear of the dentist so missed about 5 yrs myself but now force myself to go but my husband takes our children because i don't want them to see how scared I am. I would agree with others it's a good time to be taking them in case they need orthodontist work. My daughter has permanently missing teeth and at 10 is starting the ortho work needed over the next 10 years. Use it to start afresh and make the appointments whilst you're there (we always do otherwise it would slip). Good luck

ethelfleda · 26/11/2018 13:16

Don’t worry OP, the fact that you got them in to a good dental hygiene routine is the most important thing! Just make sure you take them regularly now!

My parents did the opposite - would frog march me to dentist every 6 months but never taught me basic dental hygiene. I cringe now but I’d go weeks without brushing them and my parents never checked. I have had terrible problems with my teeth as a result and now in mid 30s, have more fillings than I can count and had 3 out due to abscess and I am terrified of the dentist!

Winealot · 26/11/2018 13:19

Ah OP, this was me until the half term just gone - I hadn’t taken my 2 for about 4 years.
Didn’t like the original dentist, accidentally missed a pre-booked appointment as my mum was terminally ill and I forgot.
Then kept meaning to find another dentist and didn’t get round to it......
Felt just like you, I was scared about what the dentist would say and whether they would need a lot of treatment! And guilty as I go to the dentist religiously every 6 months but mines a private one so couldn’t take the kids there,
Anyway, dentist couldn’t have been nicer, teeth in both were fine but my eldest has got a referral to an orthordonist.
I feel for you, well done for booking and fingers crossed no treatment! X

Original poster

bigblueballoon · 26/11/2018 13:19

Luckily I don't think they need braces - teeth seem straight and not overcrowded. I have made them brush twice a day with electric toothbrush and Colgate, but am praying they are both OK. I cant believe how stupid I've been.

OP posts:

christmaschristmaschristmas · 26/11/2018 13:20

Nothing you can do about the gap between them seeing dentists now - but positive at least you're taking them!

Be upfront and honest with the dentist that they haven't been for a long time as he might want to examine the teeth a bit more thoroughly. If you say this, he will probably give you tips about limiting sugar, best types of toothbrushes to use etc.

And don't leave the dentist without booking them their next appointment!

3timeslucky · 26/11/2018 13:26

Neglect? For not going to a dentist for a few years? Sweet Jesus! What an insult to children who are genuinely neglected.

OP, move on. It is unlikely there's anything earth-shattering has happened with kids old enough to brush properly (which yours are). Move forward, deal with anything that does show up. Try to get there more regularly in future.

SummerGems · 26/11/2018 13:33

What’s done is done. People throwing around insults don’t achieve anything in this instance.

I’d not been to see the dentist myself for around three years due to ill health and being on blood thinners which put the fear of God into me about them doing anything in my mouth but have just gone on the list for surgery and the surgeon said I needed to see the dentist prior to having surgery.. So I went last week. Had to have a filling replaced but another one I was sure was going to need a crown as was fitted as a temp filling five years ago had just broken a bit and he just sealed it. Hardly any bother what so ever, and I’ll now keep up the appointments...

MaryDollNesbitt · 26/11/2018 14:16

My 11yo DD hasn't been in a while. It's one of those things I keep MEANING to sort out, but keep forgetting about. She's still losing baby teeth, OP. Brushes twice a day with an electric toothbrush and uses mouthwash and floss at night. She has a very healthy diet. Will only drink milk or water (wouldn't touch fruit juice or pop if you paid her) and she only gets a 'treat' at the weekend by way of some chocolate or sugary cereal. Her teeth are pristine. But thank you so much for being honest and posting this, as it's reminded me to book her in for a check up. Please don't beat yourself up!

For those screaming the word 'neglect', do calm down. Frankly, I'd be much more concerned about parents encouraging/allowing shitty diets with a high sugar intake while not locking down good dental hygiene routines at home. If you can get those things nailed, then even if you DO forget about dental appointments, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about when you finally make it in for a check up.

RomanyRoots · 26/11/2018 14:23

OP, there are lots of reasons why parents don't take their kids to the dentist.
had a friend who was agoraphobic, but kept thinking she'd manage it, eventually she did but it took a long time.
Please don't beat yourself up, they are going now, that's all that matters.

Shaboohshoobah1 · 26/11/2018 14:31

Op, don’t feel bad. There are FAR worse things as a parent you could be doing (all those people on here shouting ‘neglect’ are perfect themselves are they?) We were the same - didn’t go for 3 years - mostly due to my own fear of dentists - no excuse really, but it’s the only one I have. Both DC brush their teeth twice a day and neither needed fillings, and the 11 year old has gone on a orthodontist waiting list, which we thought would happen hence finally taking her!

It’s far worse to take your kids to the dentist but not supervise teeth cleaning IMO. Don’t beat yourself up- sounds like they’ll be fine 👍

MarysInTheDyson · 27/11/2018 00:18

It sounds like you are good with the brushing and if they aren't constantly snacking their teeth might be fine. Fingers crossed.

SimplySteve · 27/11/2018 05:09

As an aside, a friend of mine never took her kids to the dentist. Youngest ended up having to have 5 taken out in one go at the dental hospital. 7 years later kid too scared to go back, zero dental routine at home and so kid has orange/Brown teeth with horrible plaque built up over years.

My parents never took me to the dentist. I have just five teeth remaining. OP, it's really good you are organising it now.

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