For blocking my children's father?

[leaving11]

I feel like I'm being a child. But I'm at my wits end.

I regularly change my username on here but nearly every one of my posts is about him. And every response I get is the same - 'he sounds like a crap dad'.

And he really is. Unbelievably selfish.

He has them eow and some time in school holidays.

At the moment he's not having them at all. Hes choosing to work instead.

Poor ds is autistic and doesn't have a clue what's going on. DD is beginning to realise what her dad is like.

Last night I checked that I was collecting the kids from him on 2nd jan - he always has them for new year to be told he's only having them for 3 days over Christmas. The conversation escalated and he told me I should be 'grateful' as he's having them 2 weekends in a row.....he's having them for my weekend.

I'm having them every weekend now for him! Which is fine by my we we've had such a lovely weekend doing all Christmassy stuff.

But to tell me I should be grateful?

He also had a go at me because I didn't thank him for dropping them off! He buggered off and moved to the other side of the country years ago and left me to deal with everything. We usually meet half way at a service station for drop offs and collections but twice I've asked him if he could just go a bit further for me and I drive a bit less for personal reasons. He agreed and I said thank you at the time. But because he agreed to spend an extra 45 mins driving....he's the best dad in the world and I should be more thankful to him!

I've blocked him for a while until I've calmed down but I do feel I'm being childish but this is what he's driven me too.

Yes you would be unreasonable to keep him blocked. No you are not being unreasonable for feeling annoyed.

Sorry all sounds very petty!

I wouldnt block him...however i would be annoyed. Try not to show him your upset, he might be just trying to get to you.

It's just the tipping point for me though.

I'm struggling with ds and his autism. I've finally got him some support but his dad didn't care when I told him. He just said 'oh right not much I can do about it'

That's his answer to everything. Even when ds was self harming. I've found him trying to tie himself up with cables and everything. No support from his dad.

He introduced the kids to his new girlfriend 2 weeks after splitting with his old one and told dd to lie about it.

He was going to take his new gf and her 4 dcs in holiday with my dcs - while ds was self harming. He didn't care about what ds was doing. I had to put a stop to it.

He fed them nothing but lunchables on the last weekend he had them. He can't even be bothered to make them a meal. He took them to McDonald's 3 times in 4 days.

He missed dds dance show even though he promised he would be there and we bought him a ticket - she was heartbroken. She asked him if he wanted to watch the dvd and he said he wasn't bothered.

The list goes on and on and on. He's awful and I've had enough. I'm so so worried about ds too. Last night he said he doesn't want to be in this world anymore. He's 9.

Yes it is petty but I just want him to go away.

That's really sad for your DD and the part about your DS is selfish on his part- he didn't seem to care. Poor DS too. I think I remember he post about McDonald's and it is lazy, I agree. Have you asked your DC what they want to do?

I had this too with my ds and exh. I stopped all contact in the end because my ds was really depressed when he spent time with his dad.
Would your dc be bothered if they didn't see him? I get the impression that he's not understanding his ds's autism and worse, doesn't care.

Keep your ds close to you and carry on doing the amazing job you're doing with both of your dc. Let him take you to court for access if he's that bothered, you are putting your dc first, but he isn't.

You didn’t mention any of that in the OP, hence my sounds a bit petty comment. I have a son with Autism, who self harms too.

Explain to your ex how important routine is. Obviously if you feel your ex and lack of routine is responsible for the self harming, tell him.

Yeah I did do a McDonald's thread as they came home with loads of happy meal toys.

They both do love him and if I asked them then they would say they wanted to see him. But they haven't seen him for 3 weeks now and hardly spoke to him - dd hasn't asked for him once.

Ds is just one confused little boy and I'm just struggling with him.

This is why I know it sounds petty but it will take very little to tip me over the edge at the moment and he's well and truly done it

@Claw001 yeah I know, I'm just exhausted. I've written it all so many times before I should just have it all saved on my phone so I can copy and paste it!

I've said about routine. I've said it all until I'm blue in the face. It makes no difference. This is why I just really want him to go away. I won't stop the dcs seeing him but life would be easier if he wasn't in it

When I was younger it was so much easier to have a clean break from an ex-partner as you could just move house and that was it. I think social media and texting has allowed flaky dads to yo yo in and out of their children’s lives causing untold harm. Mums often allow access because they are scared of their childs resentment if they cut contact, even if it’s for their own good.

Why not suggest weekly video call for some sort of routine? Until ex is prepared to consider ds's (and dd) needs he can stay away imo.
No judge would deem his lack of understanding of his OWN dc to be beneficial to them to see him.
He is a twat.
And I would not be allowing him the chance to let your dc down over Christmas either.

I understand how difficult it is. You have to do what you feel is right for the children.

My ex has been a yo-yo in my sons life.

Have you tried mediation? You can ask for an agreement to be drawn up and have it Court approved so legally binding.

What do your DCs get from seeing him?

I'm all for children seeing their father unless it is actually doing them harm by disrupting their needed routine?

I'd consider telling him if he can't be a proper father and work with the needs of his children, then why bother.

If he doesn't bother and walks away - then his loss....

I think blocking him till you calm down is fine.

He sounds like hard work.

I know people hate the idea of court but honestly I think you need to get a court order in place. He's ruling your life. You have a lot on your plate but having some agreements set in stone about how contact will happen will be best for your mental health and your DC's wellbeing.

If he can't commit to contact that's outlined in an order then you will be in a stronger position to take control over when he does and doesn't see them further down the line. The court/Cafcass will be made aware of your DS's issues and would take that into account. They would also make your ex do the driving.