To be hurt by this?

[BrionyAur]

I'll try to keep it short. I'm genuinely not sure if I'm being a mardy cow or not.

My husband recently bought me an expensive gift for my birthday, a gadget that I've wanted for about 10 years. I wouldn't have bought it for myself as any spare money for that kind of thing has gone on the kids who I felt needed it more than me. By 'expensive' I mean about £900. I know it's a one-off and would never normally expect that kind of present. Neither would I ever buy it for myself.

Yesterday we were talking about Christmas, usually it's hard to get it right for him as he doesn't like presents and is critical of what people buy him. Then he made an off-the-cuff remark along these lines: 'Well you've been spoilt rotten lately so you can't expect any presents for a good few years now'.

AIBU to be hurt by this? It seems like an unnecessary remark, like saying 'actually I begrudge it and I'm going to take all the pleasure out of it for you now'. I feel like saying 'take it and shove it up your arse mate'.

For context, he bought himself an extremely expensive vehicle this year (spent most of the savings on it plus took out a big loan), which is his pride and joy. I don't have a problem with this but it seems a bit mealy mouthed of him to make that comment.

Yes it was mean, I would ask if he's joking. What about his more expensive vehicle.

I honestly would have taken that as a joke.
Men seem to need so much praise and it was probably supposed to be another opportunity for you to say thank you so much and how amazing he is.

"Considering the amount you spent on your car I won't be buying you any gifts again. Ever"

Nothing at all?

That's mean. He didn't need to say that. Did he mean it?
DH says stuff like this sometimes and people assume he was joking when I tell them. He wasn't joking, he was being an arsehole, and I just hope he didn't mean it.

Might be have just made an arsehole comment but not mean it?

what was the gadget??

I honestly wouldn't haven't given that a seconds thought.. don't you usually make jokes with each other?

It was said with an edge, I can tell when he's joking / saying it with good humour and this wasn't said like this. The reason I am hurt is because it kind of wasn't funny when he said it, but I know that if I'd said 'thanks a lot mate' he would have gone into the 'can't you take a joke' angle. It wasn't worth saying 'hang on what about your ridiculous car' he would have taken umbrage.

The gadget was a camera by the way

Tryinganewname - yes we do make jokes with each other, but this wasn't said with much affection, warmth or good humour

I honestly wouldn't haven't given that a seconds thought.. don't you usually make jokes with each other?

Are you saying it's impossible for someone to say something in a serious tone?
Just because you and your DH say everything in jest does not mean you make assumptions that every other couple says everything in jest to each other.

The OP knows the context, knows her partner and no knows his tone.
If she says he wasn't joking, then he wasn't.

This really resonates with me because my DH says things deadly seriously with an edge and an arsehole. Then when I pull him up on it he says he's only joking and I'm being too sensitive gaslighting.

My husband and I joke around all the time but there's something that isnt a joke but sometimes, it's just plain arsehole talking.

It does sounds mean. And I wouldn’t think that he’s joking. I would sit him and ask was he serious the other day about not doing any presents for you for next few years. Try to be calm and as a matter of fact like you just want to double check and phrase it differently from your usual talk. Otherwise he would say that you don’t understand his jokes again or you are in bad mood again or something else again.
Then see what he will say.