Dog being put to sleep and autism

[dreadingtomorrow]

We have had family dog from she was 6 weeks old, she is now 15. Our only son is 7.

Dog has been having mini black outs for the past few years but we took her to vet and they said she wasn't in any kind of pain. Recently she has been struggling to get onto the sofa or up stairs and back leg seems to be annoying her. We noticed over the weekend she was licking at herself a lot which she has never really done so decided to give her a bath today so we could see what was wrong.

I'm not sure if she has a blocked teat or a prolapse of some kind as can't see exactly where the issue is, but it is swollen with a green yellow pus coming out, exactly where she is licking.

She is in pain and I always said I would never keep her in pain so I phoned the vet and we have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.

Our son has autism and has a real fear of death. He has never known anyone or any animal to die. We said today that our dog is really old and might have to go to doggy heaven. He never reacted until tonight when he started crying and getting so upset. I don't want to lie to him that everything will be ok so I just said that we would see what the vet said and that we don't want her to be sore.

We had already told him we will be getting him from school early tomorrow to come with us as if the worst was to happen I think he would need to be there, but can anyone give me any advice on what to do or say to him.

Difficult. Where i work we have a quiet room with a sofa rather than a clinical consultation room. It would also help to let the vets know so that extra time can be allocated. Would it help if the vet explained everything to him or would he cope better to tell him bare minimum?

Im a vet nurse and would welcome a heads up so that we could provide the right level of support. Everyone is different and we see all sorts of reactions. So please don't feel that your ds has to be inhibited.

The process itself is generally very peacefull and quick and animals usually quietly go to sleep. So it might be difficult for your ds to accept he has gone.

Such a difficult time for you - i wish i had the rigjt words to help xx

Firstly, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It must be really worrying.

My DS is seven with suspected ASD. We got kittens earlier this year and one was killed by a car. Now, obviously I’m no expert and my experience is not on the same level as yours, as ours was a relatively new pet, but perhaps sharing this will help.

We were very straightforward with DS and didn’t use any euphemisms at all (“George has died”). We gave him the choice of whether to see the body or not. We gave him two choices of potential burial spots in our garden and asked him if he wanted to help dig a grave. We answered questions factually (“he was killed by a car”) but didn’t elaborate if not asked.

I think offering choices where we could and bring very straightforward really helped. He’s asked more questions since (they come at strange times!) and is often to be found sat by the grave chatting to George, but he’s handled it all very well. He seems to understand death better now, which is a hidden benefit of the whole thing.

I really hope that helps. Take care

I would explain that she is old and very poorly and can't be made better, so you are going to put an end to her suffering. You will miss her very much but couldn't bear to see her in pain.

So sorry that your dog is suffering 😢

Seriously your 7 year old shouldn't have to be there at the end of your dogs life. He doesn't need to be. Just remind him to say goodbye to your dog before he goes to school. He will be fine.

LEMtheoriginal I will phone the vets in the morning and let them know. If they decided she needs to go will they do it tomorrow as as awful as it sounds I don't want to drag it out for any longer than needed.

MsJaneAusten I think matter of fact is the only way my son understands anything. We broke it into short sentences, dog is old, dog is sick, dog is in pain. The only thing we didn't say was die, he knows what death and heaven is, so saying doggy heaven was the easiest option.

PickAChew That is basically what we said, but to a child that gets upset over throwing a broken toy away the thought of death is so final

WendyWoofer I think my son would need to see it to understand and process it, although I haven't experienced this myself so I am just winging it

I agree, a very difficult time. Is your ds able to understand the abstract concept of heaven? I found my son who has asd and ld, understands better what he sees. He can ask uncomfortable questions such as wanting to know what happens to bodies after death. I made the mistake of taking ds poorly pet hamster to the vet whilst ds was at school-( I was hoping for treatment but poor old hammy was PTS) and ds was very upset ( and furious) not to have been there. He needed to see the body, and help make a box and bury him. Of course every one with Asd is different, but ds acceptance of death is kind of matter of fact. Taking your ds to the vet so he can see and understandwith sounds sensible..

My asd ds is very very matter of fact. My dads new partner died suddenly. He asked loads of questions that we answered honestly and with no fluffiness. He had great empathy for my dad but wasn't bothered about the partner.

Probably too late for this to be helpful before, but has your child seen Coco? It has a lot about death but in a really positive way. I wonder if it could be helpful in helping to process and understand.
I'm sorry for the sad situation you are in.

Of she needs to be put to sleep, they will do it the same day, they did with my cat. I agree it might be good for you DS to sit with her while it happens. As a PP mentioned Coco is a really good film, my DD's guinea pig died and I was worried as she didn't cry and we watched Coco the next day and once it ended she cried about her guinea pig and it really seemed to help her process it, she doesn't have autism though, but it might help.
Also try explaining that death isn't final, wether you believe in the afterlife or not, because they live on in the people that remember them, again don't know how much that would help, it did seem to help my DD.

Add or not, this is a part of life all children have to learn to deal with. Face it head on. He will be fine.

This is why kids have goldfish and hamsters. So they are exposed to death little and often to help them be prepared and understand what it means. It also helps them to experience grief. He is just in shock and grieving a little, and will be upset/angry and confused at the thought of it all.

Also OP watching a pet PTS isn't always textbook. They can react badly to the injection and involuntary actions such as tremors, jerks, loud gasps, full release of bowels etc. You have to take that risk in to account too.

OP, sorry about you dog.
I am no expert, but one thing that came to mind is to be careful with explaining that she is going to die because she is in pain - to a literal child ( autism or not) this could cause them to think that when someone or something, or themselves, are in pain they will be put out of their misery...
I would suggest to keep to the very old, very sick reasoning.
Good luck with it all!

My beloved little pup has gone. It was an infected tumour which the vet said the infection could be treated but we would really just be prolonging it. They left the final decision up to us but I felt it wasn't fair to keep her in pain any longer.

My son came in for the first check and then wanting to leave. He then came back in once we had decided to let her go, just to see her for the last time. He didn't want to stroke her or get a picture with her. He then wanted to go back to the car so my husband took him over whilst I stayed.

It was quick and so sad. I really didn't think I would have cried as much as I did.

We couldn't afford a private crem but she will go with other animals and the garden they scatter the ashes in looked so peaceful.

Thank you for all your advice, it really was appreciated.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.