Present request

[caitlinohara]

This is more of a what do I do. Dsis asked a while ago what to get my 3 dcs for Christmas. Suggested she did the same as last year which was to get them a science experiment type kit each which went down very well. Sort of thing that costs £15 each max.

Yesterday I texted her to see what to get hers and she has just sent me a link to the thing that my niece wants. Niece is 21. It's a scarf that costs £35. She also has a son who is 15 so I will have to spend the same amount on him presumably. AIBIU to think this is a bit cheeky given that I have not requested her to spend anything like that much money on mine and what do I do now?!

For background, we are also hosting Christmas this year, so it will be an expensive Christmas anyway.

Just text her and say sorry that’s a bit out of my budget, any other suggestions?

Can’t you just respond saying “sorry that’s way over budget, want to keep it to £15 max (so the same cost as the science kits for my kids!) x”. It’s cheeky of her but surely there’s not much she can say back to that?!

Could you get a £15 voucher to go towards the scarf instead?

Get niece a voucher towards the scarf or give them both cash equal to the cost of the science kids (she probably got them at Black Friday prices anyway).
It’s always difficult with families and presents both my SIL’s on DH’s side earn megabucks and both have very high desposable incomes. One we are the poorer relations but we they would all say something like a pair of PJ’s, dressing gown, book token, hairdryer etc so cost was left up to the individuals. They don’t spend massively more on our kids than we do on theirs. But recently their has been a few adult family birthdays and an expectation and in some instances feels like a demand that each couple chips in £100 plus each per present. It’s nothing for them but quite a lot for us.

Just tell her you need more suggestions that are within your budget, or buy her a £15 gift card to the shop to go towards the scarf she wants...

I wouldn’t be buying presents for a 21 year old anyway, unless they were returning the favour off their own back, rather than their Mum sending a gift from the family.

I have 3 kids my sister has 2, by choice I tend to spend a bit more on hers as she has 3 of mine to buy for. It is cheeky of your sister though to ask for so much more.

Just checked with my Mum what she thought I should do and turns out my niece has asked her for something that costs £60!!
My Mum does not spend £60 on each of my children, nor would I let her!
Not sure now whether this is my sister or my niece being unreasonable. Sister clearly knew cost of item as it was her who sent me the link so I would have expected her to have a word. Niece is more likely to have gone straight to my mum with what she wanted though, so maybe it's both of them!

Yes my niece and sister have both always been a bit grabby with my parents. She asked for money from about the age of 10 even though we always asked her exactly what she wanted in terms of make brand colour etc. I never know what my mums budget is as she never really used to say so erred on the side of caution also they are both pensioners. No such consideration with my sister and niece.

I agree with PP tell her it is over your budget to spend what would amount to £70 on her DCs .
So you could either ask her to request something around the £15 mark ( gift or tokens ) or as you are hosting the party tell her you are willing to spend £70 if she is willing to help towards the cost of the Christmas meal and / or drinks to the same kind of value .

Or you and DM club together and split the £70 between each child between you. IYSWIM

If you have 3 and she has 2, I think you should budget same amount as you have suggested they spend on yours (i.e. approx £45). Perhaps give them £20 voucher each?

It's a suggestion (a very cheeky one).

I would get a similar style of scarf at the right price range. Surely neither of them wohld complain? If so just say there was no stock of the one suggested

I have never asked a family member what they would like for Christmas and nor has any ever asked me. I would suggest you just stop asking and put your own thought into it. It seems you ask and then moan about it. I also would not be buying for a 21 year old niece anyway.

Don't bring hosting Christmas into it, nobody is forcing you into that either are they?

Go halves on the scarf with your mum.

I was just going to suggest what Jamiefraiserskilt has said. if niece really wants it then it makes sense.

Did she indicate she wouldn't spend the same on your kids?

I may be wrong, but sounds like she said, what do you want. You said X present is ok. Maybe she would have paid more, but you said the gift was ok.

Now you've asked in return and she has just said what she/niece would like. Why do you get to set the price point? In our family we don't dollar match, just get what people ask for within a reasonable price range. Assuming it's swings and roundabouts over the years.