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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this unfair?

5 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 25/11/2018 14:18

I was close with my dad's family when I was young. My dad sadly passed when I was 8. My mum met my stepfather when i was 11 and we then moved to his city a year later which is about 7/8 hour drive away from my hometown. I did move back to my hometown when I was 18 for 6 years but then moved back up to my stepdads city where my mum and brothers live also.
I am 28 now and have recently had a baby, my DD IS 7 months, my cousin has had a baby who is 10 months and my brother has had a baby who is now 11 months.
My cousin keeps saying how he wants to me the babies and of course it would be nice for me to meet his DD too.
My cousin and his wife have very good jobs and get paid good money, they also both drive. Me and my brother have regular jobs and I am still on maternity, so don't get paid as much, with having babies we are finding it difficult to find money to travel down, trains and plane are coming up around £200, my brother has a car but my DD hates being in a car seat and won't stay in one for longer than 20 mins or she gets upset. Also there wouldn't be much room in the car if my brother drove us down with 2 car seats, me, my brother and his girlfriend.
My cousin keeps asking me to visit as he really wants to meet DD, and I have explained the situation and why it's difficult but said I would try my best.
So today he text asking if I was coming and I said I can't right now as the prices are too high for travel (£200+ for a ticket)and driving isn't an option as it would be very uncomfortable for me and unsettling for DD. His reply was "gutted, will just have to wait until she is older then". Which really annoyed me.
Since moving up here the second time I have visited them every year and made sure I was there for special events (weddings, anniversary party, big birthdays)
No one in my family have ever visited us, not once. They have spoken about it and said they will but never followed through with it.

AIBU to be annoyed that they are expecting me to travel alone with DD (because they know my brother isn't keen on going, he's not as close with them as I am and they haven't kept in contact with him much, or asked about his DS so I understand why he doesn't want to go), pay for travel when I am a single parent but they won't even entertain the idea of travelling up here? They earn alot more money than me, and I have visited them as often as possible. If it wasn't for me visiting them then I probably would not have seen them since I moved.
My cousin made out to me that he really wanted to meet DD and that he wished our DD's could grow up knowing eachother and be close like we were but they are not willing to make an effort? It's really annoyed me and upset me a little.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 25/11/2018 14:21

Yanbu. That sounds upsetting.

I would maybe text/email a clear invite for them to visit you and stay, then leave it.

Unicornandbows · 25/11/2018 14:23

Text back saying you guys should come up as you've never been and the babies could finally meet each other and it's more practical with dB being here too.

Shall we say next weekend and text the address

Shoxfordian · 25/11/2018 14:26

Have you actually invited him to come to your house?

SofaKingFedUp · 25/11/2018 14:26

I replied with why I couldn't visit, and I said when can you visit us up here as you've been saying you're going to come up but have never got round to it? He read my message an hour ago and has not replied.

OP posts:
SofaKingFedUp · 25/11/2018 14:28

Yes I've told them they can come stay with us. I told them this when I moved up and everytime I've gone down to visit.

OP posts:
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