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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my boss doesn't get to decide how I travel to training courses?

34 replies

Startworkbob · 25/11/2018 13:57

Only been in my new job 6 months. No one in my team likes my boss and all warned me when I started that he was challenging to work for. I have no interest in getting involved in the office politics and just keep my head down and get on with my job without joining in with any of the discussion about the issues there. So up until now I've ignored all the micro managing behaviour and unprofessional behaviour from my manager.

He's booked me on a course in 2 weeks time with 3 of my colleagues. I have a 1 hour 40 minute commute to work. And the training course is 35 minutes from my home. My colleagues all live within 5 mins or our work place and are travelling to the course together. So I would need to travel 1 hour 40mins to work and arrive earlier than I usually would (which is difficult because I would need additional childcare to get there early) in order to share a life with my colleagues. So I said I would travel to the course from my home and then drive myself back to work after the course. I can see no issues with this but my manager is very controlling and is not happy with this and wants me to travel with the others rather than meet them there. He has no good reason and got quite frustrated with me when I asked why he would prefer me to do this. Other members of my department went on this course a while ago and some people travelled separately because it made sense based on where that lived. But they were all sensible enough to not discuss this with the manager first because they know how he would behave.

So aibu to feel that I, as an adult, can decide how I travel to and from training courses and my place of work? Do your managers dictate to you how you must travel to work and which colleagues car you must go in?

I feel that as long as I'm in work at the required times and do my job/participate in the course I decide how I get to and from theses.

(as an aside, I have a new job that I am moving to in February which my boss knows about but it seems he is quite keen to make my working day as difficult as possible so that I leave earlier than the agreed time so they can advertise my position)

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 25/11/2018 13:59

YANBU at all, unless he can come up with a good reason why you should all travel together.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/11/2018 13:59

YANBU. He sounds like an arse

LoisLanyard · 25/11/2018 14:00

Err, your boss is an idiot and clearly can't make you travel to work and out again. Just keep repeating that you will make your own way there.

IceRebel · 25/11/2018 14:00

Nope he doesn't get to decide. Just travel in yourself, and if he mentions it I would just reply "yes the training course sounds good, i'm looking forward to it" Ignore all mentions about how you're getting there, and be thankful you only have 3 months left. Smile

Aquamarine1029 · 25/11/2018 14:01

Ignore him and go by yourself. How you get there is none of his concern and he doesn't have to like it.

CloserIAm2Fine · 25/11/2018 14:01

YANBU

Occasionally my work sends me to a location about an hour away, they provide transport between the office and other location. However we’re given the choice whether to use the transport or make our own way there. My colleagues who live near the other location get there themselves because it’s senseless to travel for an hour to get to work then travel straight back the way they’ve just home for an hour, and do the reverse at the end of the day!

ilovesooty · 25/11/2018 14:02

You can travel how you like as long as you aren't claiming any additional expenses for it, which it doesn't sound as though you are.

Jackshouse · 25/11/2018 14:03

Is this about claiming travel expenses for him?

ScreamingValenta · 25/11/2018 14:03

Is this to do with expenses? That is, would you be claiming for your 35 minute journey, and the colleague you'd be sharing with also claiming for a journey - so he thinks this is a way to avoid your claim? That would be the only possible reason I could think of for his stance. However, I agree, it isn't justified at all - you should be able to organise your own journey.

Sparklesocks · 25/11/2018 14:04

How ridiculous - a normal boss would see that is not a good use of your time.

You are an adult and can make decisions about your travel, especially sensible ones where the journey is shorter. My boss would prefer I get to courses the quickest and most convienient way possible.

As you are leaving in a few months I wouldn’t take much notice of him (as you’re rightly doing!) and know you only have to deal with this for a finite amount of time.

CrazyOldBagLady · 25/11/2018 14:05

Unless you are expected to work before or after the course it’s normal that you would just go from home. I expect someone else has been moaning about travel and he wants to have options for them. Stick to your guns.

bridgetreilly · 25/11/2018 14:07

He is definitely BU. Especially since you'd have to be at work earlier than normal in order to travel from work. You don't have any obligation to do that.

Original poster
Startworkbob · 25/11/2018 14:09

I'm so relieved to see it isn't just me that thinks he's being unreasonable. I was doubting myself.

I start work 45 mins before the course begins so I told him I was happy to lose 45 minutes of the flexi time I had accrued if that was necessary to be able to travel the course from home. But then he told me that my colleagues would be leaving before my actual start time so it's not even as if I will be in work before and will be able to do my job before leaving. He literally wants me to drive to work park my car and get in my colleagues car to leave. Seems daft to me. But apparently this is what he's like. My colleagues all hate him and they do nothing but complain about how awful it is to work for him and how often he breaks company policy. Will be a relief to be working in my new job where the boss seems reasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Startworkbob · 25/11/2018 14:13

Nope, I couldn't and wouldn't claim travel expenses so it's not that. Wish it was though because then it would make sense. Instead it just seems like another petty thing he's using to make me feel uncomfortable and make things more difficult so I leave earlier and they can get my job advertised quicker.

OP posts:
DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 25/11/2018 14:13

I would just nod and smile and then do what I wanted on the day, maybe saying, ooh sorry, slept in/kids drama etc.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 25/11/2018 14:15

Just smile at him and then do as you think best! You're leaving anyway, I assume all the referencing has been done, so sod him and his petty power play shite!

Maelstrop · 25/11/2018 14:16

Just do what you want to get there, making sure colleagues know so they aren't waiting for you. Ignore is stupid idea because it is stupid!

OffToBedhampton · 25/11/2018 14:17

YANBU. Your manager doesn't get to tell you how you get to a kid training course. Nor insist you start work early to be able to travel to training course with others.

He has your tim between hours of your work day. He has booked you on a course, presumably that is similiar to your normal working day. You arrive when the course starts and leave when it finishes.

Don't discuss it anymore with him. Your time outside working hours is not up for discussion, you will attend the course as agreed and make your own suitable travel arrangements. He cannot discriminate against you in this way, to force you to book extra childcare as a mum, when you have a better travel solution all of which is in your own time.

HollowTalk · 25/11/2018 14:20

I'd be tempted to go to HR if he carried on with that nonsense. It's just bullying.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 25/11/2018 14:31

Your leaving in feb.

Just tell him no. Your make your own way there you don’t need to share a lift.

End of conversation.

daisychain01 · 25/11/2018 14:32

as an aside, I have a new job that I am moving to in February which my boss knows about but it seems he is quite keen to make my working day as difficult as possible so that I leave earlier than the agreed time so they can advertise my position

OP there's a workplace bullying thread running current on the MN Employment Issues Board. One of the many characteristics of bullying is micromanagement. Another is retaliation. In this case your manager is retaliating against you for leaving.

I send him an email first thing Monday, to say you wish to clarify that your reason for needing to leave from your home address is due to childcare issues and him insisting on you having to make the journey to work is unreasonable and not logical as you've tried to explain on several occasions. Point out that there is no business advantage in his suggestion, and you are not incurring the company either time or money by your suggested way of getting to the course.

You have a strong case for calling him out on the basis of Harassment, because you are put at a disadvantage compared to colleagues who do not have childcare challenges.

newrubylane · 25/11/2018 14:33

Would he even know if you didn't - is he going to be there to wave you off? If not I'd definitely just go straight to the course. I guess he could check if your car was in the car park, but I'd just fob him off with an imaginary lift share that day or something!

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/11/2018 14:36

What a weirdo! Good on you for getting out.

OffToBedhampton · 25/11/2018 15:47

Sorry about typos. I wrote 'local training' not 'kid training' !! Phone is randomly autoincorrecting 😁

NoSquirrels · 25/11/2018 15:56

Just say, "OK, thanks for your input, I'll think about it." And then do what you like.