To feel dubious about signing DS up to his martial art classes...

[QueenofmyPrinces]

My son has recently joined a Martial Arts class and has had two free trial lessons so far, the first didn’t go so well but he really enjoyed the second one.

There are 6 children in the group and he is the youngest and the other 5 are an established group already and so obviously have a lot of skills that my son doesn’t. He’s sort of just been added on to their class so he hasn’t had any proper basic teaching.

Anyhow - the time has come to decide whether we want to enrol him on to the class and pay the fees or not bother.

DS seems to really like it but I feel uncomfortable about the fact that he’s not been taught the skills properly and is instead just desperately trying to copy the other children who are already adept at it. Surely if I’m paying them to teach my son the martial art involved then he should be taught the very basics and then build on those skills in a structured way not just thrown into a group of older children who already know what they’re doing?

The other children already know the Chinese terms for all the moves and they can speak various words of the language in relation to the skills they are carrying out and the type of martial art they learning, but my son hasn’t got a clue what they’re talking about and they didn’t address this in the class and instead DS was just sort of sidelined.

I want to contact the team who run it and say that although I want my DS to continue with the hobby I want him put into a class where they are still doing the basic teaching or if that’s not possible, l would rather wait until there are other children just starting out so he could be taught with other beginners instead of just being an add-on to a group that are already proficient at the skills.

We have also been told that we are not allowed to watch the classes take place if we enrol him whereas during the trial periods we were allowed to sit in on the class.

Is this normal?! How are we supposed to know what he’s being taught and then help him practice the moves and language with him at home if we can’t actually see what’s going on in the class and so have no idea what he’s doing?

I’m feeling very torn about what to do but DH thinks I will just be kicking up an unnecessary fuss if I voice my thoughts to the course leaders and I should just sign him up.

AIBU to be sceptical about enrolling DS onto these classes as they currently stand or is my DH right and I’m overreacting?

I forgot to say that he’s 4.5 years old.

My son started martial arts a few months ago and we are allowed to stay, I have to say not being allowed to stay would worry me! Especially at 4.5 years old. I can help my son practice as I know his moves. And I enjoy seeing his improvement. If I want to leave him I can as many parents do once children are established but those children are 6,7 and 8

I think it's normal for them to pick it up as they go along/from the other children and the instructor will correct them.
Not sure about the not watching thing as I could stay if I wanted.

I suspect the kids pick up the moves and language as they go along (rather than all having started at the same time). It's normal to have mixed ability classes in martial arts.

Re not being able to watch, that is just standard in some activities - dance classes for example. It tends to be from the perspective that kids will pay more attention without their parents. That sort of activity suited one of my dc at that age, but not the other, I think you have to make a decision based on how confident your dc is.

In my experience mixed ability classes are normal. 4.5 is very young though. I’d be inclined to wait until he was a bit older. More like 6.

My son started a martial art and we found he was basically left to just watch and copy without instruction...we pulled him out and found somewhere else.
His new club teaches the basics at the beginning of every lesson and then Goes off into new stuff with the instructor walking around and helping where needed.

We could observe at both clubs.

I wouldn't feel comfortable at the club and don't like paying for my child standing around doing it much

The other five children in the group look to be in the 6-9 years old range so some of them are considerably older than DS. He just looks so little amongst them all

He really enjoys doing it though so I don’t want to deny him the chance but nor do I want to pay out for it if it’s not really suitable.

I would try elsewhere maybe. Both of mine did martial arts and totally recommend it, however would not have been happy not being allowed to watch, especially at 4.5.

Also at our club newbies always get training, not just expected to join in (depending on the activity)

In the only Martial Sport which I have done (Judo), there was an absolute obligation on the more experienced players to train the junior members before they began their own training. It was strict Judo Etiquette.
This Martial Sport does not seem to do this, and this alone is a "Red Flag". It is unlikely that a player as young as your son will pick it up as he goes along.
I think you have probably picked the wrong Martial Sport.
Sorry.

What's the difference with an August baby vs a September baby when they have nearly a whole year extra for school. Some children have better skills thank others. Talk about taking the joy out of a hobby.

It doesn't sound brilliant. Ours is mixed ability, but not like this. The little ones are very much looked after and there's a Senpai helping them while Sensei teaches the whole class. More advanced students are often there to help as well. Sounds like you need a different class.

I've recently started karate with my kids. We've been learning the basic moves in a separate class with a few other beginners since the end of September and have only just moved up into the main class. Even then we get particular instruction from the sensei. I'd look for another class if I were you.

In our class, parents are allowed to watch, in the beginners' class they stay on the room, but now we've gone up they can watch from a balcony.

Well, they go for different belts and learn skills required to attain each belt. White, yellow, green etc.

He needs to be in with the other newbies I. E. Going for white belt.

And 4.5 is too young to leave on his own at any class.

Saying that, I heartily recommend any type of martial art. Teaches discipline, camaraderie and fitness.

Thanks everyone, your replies are confirming my niggles.

All the children in the class had different coloured belts on so I guess mixed ability classes are the norm.

I’m all for wanting my son to have a hobby that he enjoys but the point of it must also be that he’s going to learn something and be taught it correctly?

During the latest trial class he was constantly looking over me with a smile on his face when he did something right and I would stick my thumbs up at him to show how proud I was of him etc and I loved being able to watch him. I really don’t like the thought of him in there on his own with older more skilful children without me or my DH there to support him or give him the encouragement to join in.

We also had lots of fun practising the moves when we got home and showing his dad what he’d learnt and I can’t imagine not being able to do that either? I don’t really the logic of parents not being able to observe how their children are getting on in the sessions in order to see what progress they are making and if they’re enjoying it etc.

The teaching of this martial art was recommended to me by many as were the instructors but I just don’t know what to do

In my experience (karate) class was mixed ability, in that there were students from all stages from beginner through 7 student grades and up to 2nd Dan. Each group got some individual teaching on kata (choreographed moves) then was left to practise, then fighting moves, either practising kicks and punches, and actual sparring was class based, but partnered with someone of similar size and ability. And the older and more advanced students were very good when sparring with younger ones, being careful not to overwhelm, teaching, and giving opportunity for the juniors to score. If you're not getting that vibe, I would say it's time to look for a better class.

There again he seems very young, and I don't know how it works at that age - our class wouldn't take anyone under about 7.

I wouldn't worry too much about observing in order to help at home - probably better if you don't, because you won't spot when he's doing something wrong stance-wise. Parents on the sidelines giving thumbs up is a menace for the instructor, as the child is focusing his attention on them, not on the instructor - again, another reason for not starting too young.

Remember that you see yourself as a supporting your son - but to every other child (and adult) in the room, you are merely a spectator, and if there are lots of parents there, a large audience can be very stressful to the other students.

If he's enjoying it, you could pay for a few sessions while you find a better class, but let him know that's what you're trying to do. But keep a very close eye on him because you don't want this experience to put him off martial arts. They're good for confidence, good for learning to listen quietly, and they're good for learning that you don't just belt the hell out of the younger and less skilled just because you can - an excellent lesson for playground and board games!

Find a school that has family classes and join in.