To be annoyed DH still hasn’t sorted Xmas arrangements with PIL

[Stopmeifyouveheardthisonebefor]

To cut a long story short. Me and DH in 40s, together 20 years, 2 teen DC. Always used to go to PIL for Xmas day. It was a very big deal for them about 8 years ago when we insisted we wanted to stay at home and do Xmas for our kids as they had for theirs. They come to us instead but always an awkward subject every year.

FIL has been ill this year but is now better and DH thinks it would be kind to let PIL be Christmas hosts as means a lot to them. DD (14) adamant she wants to stay at home (she loves doing Xmas jobs and is very helpful so not as bratty as that might sound).

I said back in early November to DH that I didn’t mind what we do as long as he sorts it out as his parents. He agreed.

He has not sorted or mentioned to PIL. Tesco Xmas delivery slots released midnight on Sunday. I say to DH on Thursday that I don’t want to stay up to get a premium slot if we aren’t hosting. He agrees but has now gone out all day and back late tonight. He now has tomorrow to sort it and get a definite answer from his mother. I am fuming as I know he is deliberately avoiding having a difficult conversation with his own parents and hoping I will sort it!

I would book the Tesco slot and plan your Christmas at home. He had his chance to sort it.

Tell him he has until tomorrow noon to get a definitive answer. If he fails to do so, you will be making the plans.

Go with your own decision..He's had plenty of chances.

If your DC's want to stay home (and I dont blame them) then I think thye should come first. Your PIL have had their time hosting.

Did they drag their DC's off every Christmas ?

If he cannot or chooses not to then you decide OP...Do what you feel is best for your children ..I wouldnt ask again..I say to my husband I don't expect to have to ask twice! I stuck to it ,,asked once he ignored so I made my plans and then he had to fall in with it! He is obviously avoiding the issue and possible fall out so you take charge and tell PIL and him how its going to be,present them all with a done deal based on what the children want and say well no one else was deciding so someone had to and as usual it was me! Sorry to you all if it doesnt suit but I can't wait forever!!!

oldraver PIL did Xmas throughout their DC’s childhood, into their young adult years and all the years when my DC were very young so they certainly had a good run!

But I know they will use the card of FIL having been ill and how he would love to be the Xmas host again (and I know he would).

So although it would make sense for me to say to DH you sort it tomorrow or we stay at home and I’ll speak to MIL, that’s what he wants, me to have the difficult conversation so the bugger will have won!

Book the slot. You have until a couple of days before to cancel it. Plus even if you’re not at home it’s handy to have bits delivered.

I meant, not at home on Xmas day, you have to be there for the delivery, obviously.

As they're getting older you may find every year there's another 'reason' justifying PIL wanting to host. They sound rather selfish tbh, that won't improve with age. DH must stick to his guns. The wants of my DC would trump those of my PIL every time.

Yes I’m tempted to just book slot anyway and say since DH hasn’t hasn’t invited anyone to ours nor received any invitations we will be at home. I’m really determined that DH talk to MIL and DD and sort it out. I have got an increasing amount of stuff going on with my own elderly family members (which DH is minimally involved in) and I just want him to deal any awkward stuff with his lot!

Tell DH you really need to sort out xmas. Ring the PIL (while DH is there and unoccupied), say hello, pleasantaries etc then say oh hang on, DH has something important he says he needs to talk to you about - then give him the phone!

If he refuses to answer (in which case what a wuss), plead ignorance as to what it could be and say they'll have to call back later and ask him. They will, and unless he wants to appear like he's ignoring his folks he will have to have the talk!