Not meeting my exH for access

[nanechange]

After leaving an ea narc and getting divorced I've put up with about three years of my ex h trying to fuck me about.

Unreliable maintenance. Leaving the country on a whim and telling me he was never coming back, then coming back three months later saying I was crazy and that it was just a holiday.

Telling me to sort the house out we jointly
Owned as he wasn't paying anything anymore. Then at last minute blackmailing me into giving him all of the profit from the house so I sold it in effect for him and walked away with nothing. He kept £15k.

Letting our child down for access.

Telling me he wanted to kill himself nearly every week.

Gambling and drinking to excess.

Sending me abusive messages.

Lying about everything all the time.

Most recently we've had the csa review his payments. They have gone up significantly as I asked for a variation. He contested it. It's now even more as they have found more unearned income to take into consideration. He hasn't paid anything for a few months.

Now I don't have any contact with him. For my own sanity and well being. Access is arranged between my husband and my ex husband.

My husband doesn't want to meet him anymore due to the csa and him taking the piss all the time. I see his point why should he run round after him to provide access.

After everything he is put me through I can't bear to have to see him.

What do I do? There is no one else to take our child to the access.

Well I wouldn’t personally but you’ll get some twats telling you that you have to for the child’s sake. You don’t

Contact centre?

The stuff listed above isn't even a quarter of the stuff he's put me through.

I will not be meeting him. I can't do it. I haven't had contact for 12 months now.

Contact centre. I can look into that

Is there a court order in place?

How old is your dc?

Is it just for drop off or for the duration of access? How old is your child?

How old are the kids

Contact centre sounds like a good idea. Then you’ll also have a record of him turning up. If he doesn’t turn up a certain number of times in a row I’d just stop all contact all together. It’s pointless otherwise sitting around waiting around.

Also at a contact centre you can legitimately wait a half hour and leave if he doesn’t turn up with no communication and you won’t be blamed for it.

All depends whether there is a contact order and if there is what does it say?

No court order.

When we split he wanted 50 50.

Never happened.
He couldn't even commit to every other weekend and one night through the week.

He moved away so the one night through the week dropped off.

Then the every other weekend went to one night every weekend. Then he disappeared and this year the first six months were non existent. The last six have gone from supervised with my husband to an afternoon every other week in his own. He hasn't asked for more.

I expect he will now as the maintenance payments have risen a lot.

I won't let him take our child overnight as he won't give me his address and after what he's been like the last 12 months with the suisicde threats and the drinking etc etc etc I'm not letting that happen yet.

Depends on the contact centre, I looked at one I was considering using, choked walking past all the drugs bring smoked outside, listened to all the swearing and chair throwing going on in the other rooms. Decided it wasn’t for us and got called a stuck up bitch by a social worker and it was held against me.
I wouldn’t even engage now OP if I had my time again. Let him take you to court, I bet he won’t

So no contact order.

Let him start the ball rolling for mediation/court then.

He collects and returns, he needs drug tests doing and mental health assessment etc.

Why did you sell the house and give him all the profit - only for him to not pay CMS. I bet it's all gone now.

And you dont have to provide travel to and from Contact. If he really wanted to see you DD he's make the effort.

Yep contact centre; you can use ones where they just support handover.
How old is your son?
Also if he’s not paid go back through CSA

If he’s telling you he wants to lull himself I’d stop contact straight away

I sold the house because he left the country and he signed with the estate agents
To agree to sell.

I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own.

Three days before it went through he said if I didn't sign to agree to give him all the profit he wouldn't sell.

The three month break from the bank whilst I tried to sell was up and i just wanted rid.

The money would have been great but to get shot of that particular hold he had over me was worth the money.
By the time I'd of got it to court, any profit would have gone in paying the mortgage, court fees, solicitors and so on.

So whilst he got 100%of the profit it was a headache that was gone.

It was one less thing he could torment me with.

Depending on your child’s age could you sign them up for a uniform group brownies etc and then ‘d’f could pick them up from school for tea then drop off for group so you never have to see him.