AIBU still to be off work post mc?

[Ange211]

So....abbreviated version of events. 4th pregnancy, 2nd mc. Actual mc occurred 6 weeks ago. At the time I was "OK" and went straight back to work. In all honesty I was in denial cue constant googling of could I still be pregnant... Saw GP a week ago and he was lovely but it did finally hit me that it was over. This opened the floodgates & I've intermittently been sobbing since. I'm currently awaiting counselling which my employer provides for free. My boss is lovely and said to take all the time I need but feel I really should be moving on & making effort to go back?

Nope- YANBU. It is grief. It is ok to feel how you feel. You won’t be any use at work if you spend all day fighting back the tears. Sending gentle hugs. I’m sorry for your loss.

Be grateful for your sympathetic boss and focus on looking after yourself.

For me, I prefer to keep busy and keep my mind occupied at least some of the time so I'd go to work especially as you have an understanding boss, but it is each to their own in this situation but eventually you do have to start to move on with you life especially with two other children. Wishing you all the best

There's no right or wrong here, we all experience things differently. You are clearly not in a good place and it seems sensible to take the time you need to heal a bit before returning to work. Take it easy. Take care of yourself.

I’m afraid I think getting on with life is the way forward. You’ve accepted and been sad but now need to help yourself and your children and let it go. Refocusing and re-engaging will help.rather than hinder. Introspection isn’t necessarily healthy.

I think if you feel like you should be going back to work and trying to move on then this is the course of action to take. Sorry for your loss, I’ve been though a miscarriage myself and it sucks. It’s good you can access counselling through your work, sounds like it could be really helpful x

If you're not ready then you're not ready and that's fine. Give yourself the time you need, sorry for your loss

Thanks ladies, its hit me super hard this time. I'm getting on a bit now & I guess I fear I won't conceive again. We had major fertility problems before having my youngest ds. The thing holding me back rtw is my job.. I'm a pharmacist so I do need to be on the ball. Will speak to counsellor & GP before making a decision.

I'm so sorry.

Whilst "moving on" is effective as a stick to beat yourself with, it's not really how grief works. Nobody just walks away from it, unaffected, leaving it behind as if it never happened - it's always going to be part of you and your experiences it's just that the way you carry it within you becomes easier and more tolerable.

You need to let yourself feel how you feel, and grieve for what you've lost and are afraid the future holds... It's tough, but it's how we heal enough to keep living. You're not weak for feeling, you're human.

I can't think of anyone I've known who's "just moved on" after loss or trauma, but I can think of many, many people who've found ways to move forward and find how to carry those losses/traumas in ways they could cope with.

It's ok to take time.

Could you speak to your boss about doing a phased return? Perhaps just 1/2 days to start with? I've suffered with depression for 20 years and I do find that being in work provides a bit of distraction even if it doesn't 'cure' me.

So sorry for your loss.
I went back to work a week after my mc, and for me personally, it was too soon. Take as much time as you need, not what time you think other people think you need.

So sorry for your loss. Be grateful that you have a sympathetic boss and take all the time that you need.

Everyone is different, take the time that you need. I knew two people who miscarried at around the same time, one had a couple of days off work and has seemed fine (I don’t know what private grieving she may have done but fine to cope with work at least). The other was broken, had several months off work, she definitely needed it. Happily she just had her first baby at age 43 but that miscarriage, it hurt her so much.
Take the time you need to heal

I’m so sorry for your loss.

There are no rules when it comes to when you’re ready to return to work. Some people prefer the distraction and keeping busy, others need peace and quiet at home. As a pharmacist you’ll be busy and need to be totally on the ball, different to a job where you can perhaps daydream a bit so it sounds like you’re doing the right thing.

I had three weeks for my MMC. Signed off for two weeks as ‘standard’ as soon as I found out at my 12 week scan but elected to miscarry naturally at home which didn’t actually happen until a week after that. So a week of grieving limbo, a day or two of miscarrying at home then after the rest of that second week I didn’t feel physically or mentally ready to return so I was signed off for another week. That felt like the right time to return.

Be gentle with yourself, it’s a cruel hard thing to work through.

Hi ladies

Iv never posted on any forum before so not sure if this is will be seen or if I somehow need to start a new question.

But I have been trying to convince for 3 years, with 3 miscarriages all under 12 weeks. The most recent being 3 weeks ago! I was only just over 5 weeks this time and am currently signed off work until Monday. Buy all of a sudden today it’s hit me and the though of going back to work has sent me into shock a bit. Iv been feeling really sick and worried and the dread of seeing everyone at Work is all go much. Iv been battling with myself about asking for more time off but i feel any longer than 3 weeks off for such an early miscarriage is a bit extreme and im just being ridiculous? But I also feel like if I could be signed off for the xmas period so I could try and not Have that stress / worry of getting back into the swing of work over Christmas would be nice!

Help am I being lazy / rediculous for even thinking about having more time off

I'm so sorry for your losses. You are absolutely NOT being lazy or ridiculous. I've just rtw today after three weeks off however I feel it's important you take the time YOU need not what you think others think you need. I've also started counselling which has helped me enormously. I would urge you to access this if you can. I'm lucky and my employer pays for this but your GP could possibly point you in the right direction. Take care and be kind to yourself x