A Christmas MIL one...

[Bramblebeep]

I suspect I might BU but....

We don't get on with MIL and partner that well. (Tbh she's been a complete cow to me but that's another story).

They live 6hrs away so don't see them that much but it always involves an overnight stay.

They are coming to ours for Christmas. We invited them for Christmas Eve, day and Boxing Day.

They've just emailed to say they will be arriving 23rd to avoid traffic and so that they can spend the whole day with us on Christmas Eve.

We are not doing anything else but I hate spending Christmas with them and the thought of three whole days in our small house is horrible.

I had planned a quiet morning on Christmas Eve doing some cooking prep making gingerbread, nothing we can't do if they are here but it's just not the same!

AIBU to invent a prior arrangement Christmas Eve morning?

Do it on the day before Christmas Eve and plan a day out to somewhere festive locally on Christmas Eve to get you all out of the house. It’s not worth getting stressed over and in all honestly I don’t blame anyone for trying to avoid driving on Christmas Eve.

I don't blame your mil for wanting to avoid driving on Christmas Eve.

Get your DH to take them out for the day to leave you ‘preparing’ everything.

Is there some sort of treat event near you to book them in for on Christmas Eve to give you back some spare time? Could you get rid of your DH with them for a half day outing?

Agree it is not unreasonable to want to avoid Christmas Eve 6 hour journey though.

Tell them you have plans for the day and that they can come in the late evening instead. They could have at least asked if it's ok for them to come a day early!

Telling you (not asking) that they're arriving a day early is rude, I wouldn't blame you for inventing an engagement or using the MN staple 'that doesn't work for us'!

OP Agree about not driving on Christmas eve - but then everyone thinks like that so it's often just as blocked. I would just get DH to take them out in the morning and organise something for them to do in the afternoon - and get DH to tell them. Just say you had planned to prepare things and get relaxed for Christmas Eve.

I would have a prior arrangement which means they need to arrive late on 23rd and would arrange a day out (without you) for 24th and maybe also 26th.

They live six hours away fortunately, just think it's three days, count them down, some people have longer labours, you can do it x

Can u go out for Christmas Eve morning or afternoon? Just casually drop it in like they did about arriving early. ' just popping out for a few hours, do make yourself comfortable' and leg it.

Not sure why you invited them if you don't like them. Tell them that it's not convenient as you have plans for the day.

I would be annoyed too OP. You're being very reasonable inviting them for 3 days when you don't particularly get on anyway! Very rude to announce they will be coming early rather than asking which would immediately make me want to say I had plans actually! Just to make a point that they should have asked incase it wasn't convenient. Crikey I can just about manage 1 day with the IL's!

I would 'invent' something personally, Christmas is a special time and you should be spending it how you want to spend it, at least have Christmas Eve to do as you please. You shouldn't feel bad either.

I feel your pain, Bramble, I'm in the same boat. Come to mine on CE and we'll turn our phones off, make gingerbread and experiment with gin cocktails

Yup. DH needs to sort it and keep them out of your way

You cannot just invite yourself for extra time. It's rude.
Get dh to tell them nope, they are coming as planned. It doesn't work for you both.
don't go inventing stuff.

Say there's a prior arrangement. Don't let them suck the joy out of your Christmas. And maybe never invite them again!

Don’t say you have a prior engagement. You know surely they will just say it’s not a problem,they are happy to wait at home (your home).
Get dh to take them out. Perhaps, the very long journey takes them a while to recover from. My stepdad used to whizz about all over the place, but now gets too tired for a long drive.

Maybe I’ve been lucky but every Christmas Eve in the evening I drive to stay with family and I’ve never been caught in traffic. Agree with PPs - just go out once they’ve arrived. Say you’ve got some stuff to do

Get your DH to take them out for the day to leave you ‘preparing’ everything.

this ^

The reason I would stop this happening now is that before you know it, they will invite themselves more. This time it's an extra night. Then we are coming for a weekend in April. And next Christmas a week.

It's what rude people do who invite themselves.

My PIL do this. The first time they told us they were arriving at 9pm on day 5 of my 6 day working week and expected dinner when they arrived. Knowing that there was nothing stopping then arriving earlier we asked them to and they agreed. I got home from work expecting them to already be there or due shortly to be told that they'd only just left home (three hours away) and would be arriving when they originally said. And they still expected dinner. The rest of the visit was pretty stressful as well.

The next time we invited them they demanded to be allowed to arrive the night before. My partner and I work long hours with long commutes and hardly see each other during the week and just wanted a night together. So we reiterated when we'd like them to arrive. Cue tantrums and tears. Funnily enough we suddenly found we had to work that weekend and they've never been invited again.

The annoying thing is they wouldn't dream of behaving that way to other relatives. But we are "the children" so they think we are subordinate to them and they have some rights over our lives because of that.