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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being annoyed with this mum.

48 replies

KungFuPandaWorks · 23/11/2018 17:06

Got a call this morning for an urgent app, this mum said she had done a bad DIY haircut on her 12 year old daughter and her daughter was now hysterical over it. No problem dealt with this before, so I book her in.

15 minutes before the appointment time a lady and a girl walk in. They come over to the desk and the lady introduces herself as the woman on the phone. I glance over at the daughter and notice her hair isn't how I pictured it, infact there was nothing wrong with it. What I did notice was horrendous massive patches of an brassy blonde patches dotted around this girls hair. I think I know exactly where this is going.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt still, I lead the daughter to the salon chair and ask her what she doesn't like about her cut and how can I help.

The daughter looks confused and looks at her mum and says "I thought she was colouring it?" The mum let's out a theatrical laugh and says

"Kung I forgot too tell you, it wasn't a bad haircut I gave her, it was a bad streaking job. Now we was thinking a really light blonde, light enough so over time she can put vibrant colours in it"

I explain how

  1. I don't colour hair of under 16s
  2. Before I'd even colour anybody's hair I would require they do a patch test.

The mum informs me that a patch test isn't necessary, I have her consent which trumps a patch test. The daughter just wants rid of her horrible natural ginger hair.

I look at the daughters reflection in the mirror, and get the feeling the daughter doesn't want rid the mum does. I begin touching and looking at the daughters and tell her how I have a lot of clients who pay good money to have her natural colour and how it's beautiful hair she has. You should have seen the girls smile, but the mum chimed in

"But it's ginger and she doesn't want it? Now can you just start bleaching it"

I tell her that her daughter is under 16 so I won't be colouring it let alone bleaching it. She kindly tells me it won't take me long as she's done half of her hair anyway, she won't tell anybody that her daughter got it done at this salon and she'll sign something waiving the patch test.

I explain how just because she's put massive chunks in already doesn't mean I'd only have to do the bits she didn't, I'd have to correct it all so it was all one colour and even throughout. I once again tell her I won't be doing it regardless of her consent.

At this point she's getting really pissy and asks me am I really going to leave her daughter half blonde and half ginger. I tell her there's nothing I can do colour wise to help, but I'd be more than happy doing a conditioning treatment on her hair so it takes some of the orange tinge out - which the daughter looked happy about. The mum offered me quite an absurd amount of money and said I can come round her house and do it, if I was worried about doing it in the salon. I once again refused and suggested maybe teaching her daughter to embrace her hair colour and how it's beautiful instead of speaking negatively about being ginger and this wouldn't have happened in the first place if she would just accept it.

The mum didn't like this one bit and, told her daughter too stand up. She said I can shove the conditioning up my arse, I can thank myself if the daughter gets the piss taken out of her in school because she does anyways for being ginger. She'll be messaging my manager (I am the manager) and she'll be reviewing the salon on Facebook so expect a loss of customers. Basically thanks for nothing and flounder out the salon whilst her daughter looked so sad.

I'm so annoyed for a multitude of reasons

  1. Fucking her daughter's hair up because she can't accept she's ginger
  2. Letting the girl believe she won't be pretty with ginger hair
  3. Emotionally manipulating me by saying her daughter will get bullied because I won't correct it.
  4. Wasting my time

There was no way of rescuing that girls hair unless doing a massive bleach job on which i just wasnt prepared to do. I just wish there was something else I could have done for that girl.Sad Just awaiting a massively embellished rating on my salon page now on how I'm the world's biggest monster.

OP posts:
RollaCola84 · 23/11/2018 19:01

Mother definitely out of order and deserves your annoyance, I agree with PP about a pre emotive FB post about colouring for U16s.

I only hate one thing about my ginger hair...... That's it's going brown !! I wish it was the colour it was when I was a toddler.

Summer23 · 23/11/2018 19:02

Yes agree with Anotherorginal, get in there first with pics of redheads and confirmation of your colouring policy! It’s really sad that a mother would speak like this and not realise the affect she will have on her DD. Well done op you deserve a pat on the back for the way you handled this. Your words will hopefully stick with the DD.

Life0fBrian · 23/11/2018 19:04

That poor girl. Her mum is wrecking her self-esteem being so negative about her hair.

Well done for being so kind to her, she will hopefully learn to embrace her hair which lots of people colour to get red in the first place, myself included.

Her mum should be ashamed of herself.

recklessruby · 23/11/2018 19:09

Poor girl. You handled that really well and the mum is a monster!
Surely as mums we try to give our young daughters confidence in their looks especially at that age!
And red hair is beautiful, much nicer than horrible bleached blonde yellow dead looking over processed hair.

arranfan · 23/11/2018 19:14

Another redhead speaks up - thank you for not colouring the girl's hair!

diddl · 23/11/2018 19:21

Tbf, you don't know for sure that this has all come from the mum.

Marylou62 · 23/11/2018 19:41

Well done OP..
My dark haired olive skinned DDs boyfriend is am amazing red head..full red beard too! If I am lucky enough to have Grandchildren, I truly hope a few will be gloriously red haired and have the confidence of DDs BF.

Gingercarrier · 23/11/2018 19:52

YADNBU!! I have two kids with red hair and their hair is absolutely gorgeous. Poor kid, isn't it bad enough having the piss taken out of her for being ginger without her mum being unsupportive?! Definitely get in there first with the FB post. Well done OP.

ladydickisathingapparently · 23/11/2018 19:53

There is literally no shade of red that isn’t gorgeous. We have the ginger gene in my family but it skipped me Sad. Fuck her. If she posts a shitty review let us know!

CoughLaughFart · 23/11/2018 20:23

I appreciate what all the ‘red hair is gorgeous, look at Nicole Kidman, I bet she looks like a Titian goddess’ posts are trying to achieve, but ‘mum makes daughter feel bad for being ginger’ is a bit of a misnomer. It wouldn’t matter if the girl had everyday, flat mousy hair that no one would ever rave about. There are two fundamental issues here:

  1. The OP and/or the salon have a ‘no colouring for under 16s’ policy. The OP did the right thing sticking to that, regardless of whether the mother was a cow who forced her daughter into dyeing her hair or whether the daughter had botched it herself with Sun-In.

  2. The OP was concerned the daughter didn’t actually want to have her hair coloured. She did the right thing not doing it when she had doubts.

You dodged a bullet here, OP. Imagine if additional colour had really damaged the girl’s hair - he mother really would have been all over social media then.

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2018 21:01

Tbf, you don't know for sure that this has all come from the mum.

That's what I was thinking as the OP said it was just a feeling.

But having said that, if the mother has that attitude towards her daughter's hair colour, if it did come from the daughter it's probably due to her mother's influence.

I don't get why people hate or love red hair with such passion. It's just a hair colour after all.

hazeydays14 · 23/11/2018 21:08

I begged my mum to let me colour my hair all through my teens and I’m so glad she wouldn’t let me because I grew to absolutely love my ginger locks!

iwantasofa · 23/11/2018 21:11

I'm a very boring brunette, and all my life I've wanted red or 'ginger' hair hair. Used to dream and fantasise about it as a little girl. Honestly I was stunned when I discovered English people for some reason don't like it! It's beautiful, rare and full of history and personality. People should appreciate it. Same with freckles - gorgeous.

holasoydora · 23/11/2018 21:20

Also a ginger - thank you. Flowers

I hope the daughter ignores her mum and embraces her ginger hair in future. I keep seeing loads of redheads - it’s having a moment I hear.

But mainly what a CF for trying to jump the queue and get you to dye a child’s (or anyone’s) hair without a patch test.

DorisDances · 23/11/2018 21:22

Brilliantly handled OP

Boofay · 23/11/2018 21:25

I remember you OP. It wasn't your CF PTA friend was it?!?!

Getoffthetableplease · 23/11/2018 21:27

How sad for the girl, poor kid with a mum talking like that. You definitely sound like you handled it well. I would put a colouring post as you described on social media.

MrsChristianTrevelyanGrey · 23/11/2018 21:29

That poor girl, hopefully she listened to what you said and took in on board op, her mum is doing her no favours :(

Baking101 · 23/11/2018 21:35

What a stupid woman and a bad mother. Making her daughter think she isn't pretty without blonde hair. I hope she reads this to be honest, might make her see sense but I doubt it.

diddl · 23/11/2018 21:51

"if it did come from the daughter it's probably due to her mother's influence."

Yes, or it could be remarks from school.

Either way, Op has a policy in place which was adhered to so everything else is moot.

adoggymama · 23/11/2018 22:13

Red hair is beautiful and I feel so bad for that daughter :( mum sounds absolutely horrid!

Although I would have as a special circumstance tried to sort out the colour (at least back to her semi natural colour) so she wouldn't have to go to school with fucked up bleach bits the mum caused :/

But I understand you not wanting to bleach a 12 year old! X

BettyBahooky · 24/11/2018 00:41

Red hair is amazing, I dye my own (dull mouse) hair bright orange ginger, I love it! but all us faux-redheads know there's nothing "quite like" a natural red - OP did well in encouraging her to embrace her natural colour ❤

sparklepops123 · 24/11/2018 08:40

You come across very professional, what a hideous mother.poor kid, the only thing that needs changing is her mother's perception of her daughter. I'm a red head and proud

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