I'm really struggling with trust and anxiety issues at the moment.
Me and my partner have been together for some years. He's never given me reason not to trust him in all that time. Not once.
The past 2 years we've gone through 5 consecutive miscarriages. The problem is with me and so I feel such extreme guilt about the whole situation and what my body is putting DP through.
This has opened up such trust issues for me as I feel so crap about myself that I'm convinced he'll get fed up and go elsewhere.
The thing is, he's nothing but supportive, he's loving and strong for me when I feel like falling to the floor. He's been wonderful through all this and yet I can't help it.
I went through his phone when he was in the shower the other night and now I just feel disgusted in myself. This man has done nothing wrong yet here I am snooping as if he has.
I don't know what to do, I feel so incredibly low that I just can't understand why he's still here yet I know being this way may result in driving him away anyway.
He has a child with his ex who I love dearly. They are amicable and only ever speak about DS. I have never ever had any issues with his ex in fact we get on pretty well. Yet since this has been going on I don't want to be around when she drops DS off. I feel so insecure and frankly inferior to this woman who gave my DP a child like I so long to do that I just don't even want to see her. I feel utterly pathetic in comparison. As if my DP will never love me as much as he did the mother of his child because that's a pretty big thing to share with someone right?
He has told me how ridiculous I'm being, I know how ridiculous I'm being but yet I just can't stop these thoughts. I don't want to ruin my relationship but I'm struggling to have reasonable thoughts.
I feel like my heart is beating 100mph constantly.