To contemplate going no contact?

[Donthugmeimscared]

Title was going to be to think ex mil is a nasty bitch but I don't think iabu on that front.

My ex mil shows favouritism for one of my children over the others and will buy him amazing presents and get little or nothing for the other. I have three dc but oldest doesn't have anything to do with her. I've had it out with her numerous times and I thought it had finally sank in as she hasn't been so bad recently. That was until she came round with a bag of toys and proceeded to give the lot to the favourite and then act shocked that the youngest got upset/angry and burst into tears and tried to make out like he had an attitude problem. He is 8 and saying she doesn't like him and only wants his sibling.

I had a talk with her about this and she could not see the problem and kept saying but x likes those things and she didn't think the other did. Which is bollocks but that's what she believes.

So back to my question is do I go no contact with her? Part of me feels bad as my other child has a good relationship with her but it's really upsetting the other. Also not the best reason but she's the only person who can help with last min childcare if something comes up. I know that's a stupid reason but it helps.

So that's just it really. How can I deal with this it's getting ridiculous. Probably sounds like it's just about buying things but it's the whole way she acts too but I'm not very good at articulating that.

YANBU, that is so cruel. The sibling she favours will eventually wise up to it and realise how unfair it is too.

Could you instigate a ‘no presents at all’ rule and tell her that any gift she gives will be confiscated unless there is something for all of the kids? Once you’ve done that a couple of times the penny might drop.

She's emotionally abusing one of your children. Poor little boy.

I've been that child and it really fucking hurts when you're little and another kid in the family is the chosen one. You start to wonder what's wrong with you and why you're a second class citizen. It can do horrible things to your self esteem. You'd also wonder why your mum lets it happen. By not doing anything you're giving the green light for it to continue.

I hope he does start to see that what she's doing is unfair as at the moment the way she words things he can't see the problem as I've tried to explain to him how would he feel if it was the other way round.

I just don't get how she can be so cruel. I'm not saying I always buy equally for them but it evens out usually where it never does with her. One of the worst examples was she was taking them somewhere for the youngest birthday (his choice) and the other said he didn't want to go and she said "oh where would you like to go instead?" I told her that was out of order and she looked completely miffed. They did end up going where 8yr old wanted too but only because I said it was unfair not to.

Your mil sounds horrible. She's obviously not going to change as she can't see what she's doing is wrong. You've tried to tell her, but she is refusing to accept it, so I don't think ywbu to go no contact - at least for a while.

I know I keep hoping she will become a reasonable person but I don't think it's going to happen. I wish I could get my ex to talk to her but he was ea and any contact with me he takes as an invitation for us getting back together. He has also grown up getting everything he wants and never being told no so can't see the problem with it.

Please put your DC first. I'd also talk to the favourite and ask how he sees his siblings treated, how he'd feel etc. And if he can think of ways to make it fair.
This type of treatment can lead to major issues as adults for all the siblings.

You need to protect your children from her emotional abuse. She's playing horrible games with their mental health.

Are all kids her grandchildren? Not that it should matter, they're one family unit.

I don't think you necessarily need to go nc but you do need to stop her from being able to come round with presents for one child.

Do you know any of her friends or other family who could have a word and point out the obvious?

Would going NC help though? She could still do same but when you are not around, i.e. When your ex has the children?

I thin k you need to have it out with her and tell her if it doesn't stop she won't be seeing any of them.

You could ask that all gifts are to be given to you (without children around) so that they can be spread out fairly and if it's a big present then it can either be held back until someone else has a big present (from anywhere) too or that the big present is offered to all kids as a shared gift etc.

I've tried talking to my middle son about it but he doesn't get it at all. He's currently being assessed for autism so struggles to understand others feelings. My oldest isn't related but has been bought up by my ex since she was 2. My ex rarely sees the children as he's taken to working every weekend. Plus he only ever wants to see the if there is a chance of seeing me which is odd in itself.

Tried talking to her again today. She says all the right things but I'm not convinced things will change