Controlling ex or AIBU

[bingspando]

Back story:
Ex had an affair. We broke up. 2 children. One child lives with me, the other with ex. Child 1 who lives with me sees ex occasionally but it is fair to say they have a very difficult relationship. Child 2, who lives mom - fri with ex, stays with me every weekend and at least half of each school holiday.

Ex decided to join child 2 in a club 30 miles away from where I live without mentioning/discussing with me despite it impacting massively on my contact with child. Club meet every Saturday and Sunday (ie always during my time with child).

I hate the thought of her missing out and have suggested joining child 2 in similar club nearer to where I live but ex is insisting I facilitate child 2 at the club that is at least 60 mile round trip and several hours on both my contact days. I am refusing to do this. Ex has a history of controlling behaviour. AIBU or is ex a CF?

Oh, and child 2 states they’re not bothered about club, non of her friends are in that club.

Ex is a CF. If weekends are your days, he has no right interfering, especially if DC isn't bothered anyway. Just refuse to have anything to do with it! If he wants her to go he can come and pick her up and do all the transport and supervising.

What does he think he's playing at?

What you do or do not facilitate during your time with child 2 is up to you. You don't have to take them to it. Take them to another one if they're really not bothered. They're not saying that they're not bothered just to keep the peace you don't think?

YANBU he can’t dictate what you do with your child during your time with her surely. In the same way that you couldn’t enrol her in something on a Wednesday and then force him to take her.

Thank you. I do think there's an aspect of child keeping the peace but it's hard to know what to do about that. I hate that she's stuck in the middle of this mess!!
Thanks for the replies. It was interesting writing it down- you get so caught up when you're dealing with shitty messages from ex day in day out. It's good to have other perspectives!

Often these things are on weekends, are they not? I would state that this is not at all feasibleble and that you are willing nd able to sign the child up for the same club near you.

How old is the child? Why are they split up like this? How old are both of them? Genders?

Your ex facilitates school on all of her days

School's not really the same thing Maddening.

your ex facilitates school on all of her days

What a silly comparison, sending her to school isn’t something OP unilaterally decided was going to happen and then forced her ex to do. And I bet he doesn’t facilitate it at a school of OP’s choosing, that is far away, when he’d prefer a perfectly suitable nearby alternative. OP has suggested a nearer club so she’s not denying her daughter anything.

Ffs just take her out of the club and be discussing with your self why you left a child with a controlling ex. He clearly had issues with women and your left your daughter I'd be more asking mn how to get her back than about a fucking club. Bloody mental.

I suspect you need the 'broken record' approach. Every time he tries to insist:
"Ex, you don't get to decide what she does at the weekend."
"But you don't get to decide what she does at the weekend."
"The club is at the weekend and therefore you have no say in it."
"Because you don't get to decide what she does at the weekend."

Maddening
Yes, it is true. Ex does facilitate child 2 getting to school, just as I have with child 1. I really don't think it's a valid comparison. I would never dictate what ex does with child 1 on their occasional contact times as (and the clue is in the words- it's THEIR contact time).
Again, thanks to those with constructive advice.
Cards- you're right, I shall be using those responses from now on.
User- with the limited information you have that is a very harsh response. If I ever felt child 2 was at any risk whatsoever I would take any measures to remove her. Circumstances being what they are, this is the only realistic option for now.