What's your cut off point between 'being the bigger person' and not putting up with bullshit?

[OhioOhioOhio]

After a chaotic relationship and more recently getting pissed about by a friend ive started to rethink the benefit of keeping my mouth shut compared to actually sticking up for myself.

Do you have a rule or idea that you stick to to help guide you through sticky situations?

I think I have a responsibility to be the bigger person when I've started out with an advantage, e.g. retail or hospitality contexts, or with people who are less experienced than me at work. With partners and friends I don't put up with bullshit.

That is an interesting take. What's your definition of bullshit?

I think it's always good to stick up for yourself. It's how you do it that I think is the key.

I know I can stick up for myself really well but years of a bastard ex blowing his top has made me lose perspective.

Any tips?

I think my main tip is: stay calm if possible, and say how you feel. If someone says something that hurts your feelings, say calmly "That's quite hurtful." If they say something that makes you angry say as calmly as possible "That sort of comment makes me really angry." If they do something you find disrespectful say "I really don't like it when you do xyz."

A reasonable person will consider your point of view and either apologise or explain themselves. Sometimes people fundamentally disagree about what kinds of comments or behaviours are acceptable and it's probably not worth trying to change their minds.

It is really hard to regain perspective after a relationship with someone who screams at you constantly instead of trying to handle differences calmly and respectfully. You have to work at rebuilding an expectation that people will treat you with respect.

If you get that knot in stomach feeling or have to take a deep breath to get rid of your annoyance then you should say something. But it's hard if you've been brought up to not 'rock the boat'. Perhaps rehearse a few responses like 'that's unfair' or 'what do you mean by that' so that the ball is in their court and not yours when you feel got at or your views dismissed as it's difficult to think calmly if you are annoyed.

I always find it best to get things off my chest and say how I feel. I won't put up with bulshit from anybody. Life is too short. I can get my point across very clearly without screaming and shouting, so that's what I do. Then remove myself from unkind people.

Take the moral high ground, be the bigger person, say nothing walk away with your head high etc... I feel these just contribute to people walking around feeling like crap and internalising sad feelings often for years, because they've been done an injustice yet been advised (as women often are) to be quiet when others are being hurtful and trying to walk all over you.

I am the bigger person with strangers & don't tolerate BS from friends.

I always speak up for myself if someone has treated me badly. No exceptions.

I have a family member who has been extremely rude to me and very obviously has some big issues with me which are almost totally unjustified. For the harmony of our family I ignore it mainly and get support from the rest of the family.

With retailers etc I’m like a dog with a bone and stand my ground forever.

If you put up with bullshit for too long you may well explode. Letting people know they have pissed you off before you get to this point is better. IMO a lot of people act like twats because very few people will actually call them out on it.

What is the benefit of keeping your mouth shut and being the better person?

This is just the type of language a parent would use - especially to girls - of just play nicely and put others feelings and beliefs before your own as they are secondary to theirs ...

Just No ... gobby cow to the last ... it isn’t that time of the month/ no, I’m not a grumpy cow ...

The only consideration and ownership you have is over your reactions and feelings towards people, family and friends and ascribing hurt feelings and assuming others feelings is a slippery slope. Be assertive