Doormat?!

[poiuy]

How do I/should I put a stop to giving a colleague a lift to and from work? I have known this lady for several years and she has been a good friend. She came to my workplace on a very short term basis and had alot of personal stuff happening. As she lived reasonably near me, she asked if she could travel to and from work in my car. To begin with, I didn’t mind, but it does mean I take a different, longer route and I miss the flexibility of my flexible working hours. It’s now gone on for several months and I feel I’m being taken advantage of. Didn’t expect she’d be staying this long, and I suspect the person she is sofa surfing with didn’t either. AIBU? And if not, how on earth do I get out of it?

Nope not unreasonable
Say the arrangement isn't going to work anymore. Don't need to explain why if you don't want to. Give her a bit of notice so she can check buses

No, YANBU. You want to use your flexible working hours. You’ve helped her out but now she’s taking advantage.
Maybe you could say you’re going to be starting earlier/later on a regular basis so won’t be able to give her a lift anymore.

Thanks...I wish I could be assertive and will have a go now someone agrees! She is a friend and I did feel sorry for her personal stuff but she is putting on others as well. I just have enough running around to do with my own teens with hubby away alot plus the route change and extra mileage. Had enough but you are right, I don’t have to say why. Would you text or tell her face to face?

That’s an idea...could do some really long days and she if that does the trick. Why do I feel bad?! Was just thinking she hates early mornings!

Nowt wrong with a text if you think you'll falter face to face

It is difficult when it’s a friend and you feel for them but life is busy enough. When you have your own job and family to juggle it’s impossible to offer help long term.
Maybe you could text and say, “I meant to say today that my work hours are changing” then make up your excuse to suit you. Texting will definitely be easier and once that’s been said you could talk face to face? Just don’t over explain!!

I would text her as it will be easier than finding the moment face to face. Just say you're happy to have been able to help her out while she found her feet at your workplace, but as you usually take advantage of flexible working you won't be able to continue to give her a lift after xx date.

If she hasn't even been offering you petrol money for the extra mileage (or indeed even if you hadn't taken a detour, a decent person would still offer you something!) then she's clearly a cheeky fucker and won't take a subtle hint!

Don't be swayed if she tries to change your mind, just do the old MN thing, "that doesn't work for me" and repeat!

Does she offer petrol money?

I don't understand about the flexible working hours - do you mean you're having to work different hours/hang around just in order to give her a lift??

If that's the case, I'd just say sorry, I was happy to help to start with but I'd been under the impression it was short term - it's clearly not, it's starting to impinge on your life and family, so from now on lifts will be on the basis of if she wants one, she'll have to fit in around you, i.e. get herself to your house in the morning in time to leave at a time that suits your working hours and if you're not leaving work at the same time in the evening, she'll have to find her own way home.

Thanks everyone for your comments. She has not offered anything but does express gratitude! I am going to just tell her that it’s not working for me partky cos I’m in a different kocation most days and want to get home promptly after my shift. Have to be tougher...I’m such a wimp. Thanks again

You really don’t need to give excuses or too much information.

Say ‘no more lifts from the end of next week, I’m afraid - i’m Going to start getting into flexible working. It has been fun, though!’ Text it. And don’t reply to any questions. Just don’t respond to any follow up/details enquiry. AND THEN YOU ARE FREE.

Perfect...thanks