AIBU to keep my toddler in all day?

[user1486250399]

When I was a child, I was constantly bored. When I wasn't at school I fought with my brother and watched TV. Occasionally on the weekend we drove to the same place, ate lunch at the same place and drove home. I genuinely can't remember a single interesting or engaging event outside of school the entire childhood.

Fast forward to now, I have 2 kids: 3 months old and 2 and a half years old and I am on maternity leave. To me, being a good parent is keeping them busy. I avoid long periods of time at home just the 3 of us. We do different toddler groups, soft play, parks, visit friends/family, have friends/family over, library. Sometimes a museum. My toddler goes to her childminder one day per week.

Yesterday we stayed home all day and it was so nice. She played with toys mainly and we did some painting then played in the bath. She also watched way too much TV really and I was on my phone too much I suppose. It was down time.

With winter drawing in and my baby waking frequently in the night I'd like more days like this. Maybe one weekday and one day at the weekend.
So what is normal? What do/did you do? How many activities in a week outside of the house?

Sorry didn't finish - is having
a day or 2 a week doing sod all with a 2 year old unreasonable?

Yes I think in this weather that’s fine, my ds is autistic with lots of sensory issues and I’m really struggling to get out and about with him (hates soft play/mothers & toddlers/cafes etc) so we are inside about 4 days a week at the minute, it’s tough as in the summer we are very outdoorsy with the beach, park but there’s no point stressing over it, we play in the garden in the small snatches of nicer weather, read, bake, play Lego and yes watch way too much kids tv but I know it’ll change in the spring so I’m hunkering down til then lol

It doesn’t have to be feast or famine imo. DD is quite a bit younger but I have to have one (ideally more) activity planned each day for my own mental health. If you don’t need that, why not wrap up at home when it’s miserable outside?

I'm in the same boat as you, I feel like I should constantly be doing something to stimulate dd (22 months) I'm currently 5 months pregnant with dd2 and have been feeling dreadful. We've had more days than usual where we've not done as many activities and more TV than normal has been watched! Have felt so guilty!

But my mum said something to me last week that made a lot of sense, dd is stimulated a lot of the time, and a lot of the time she actually tantrums cause she just wants to stay in the house. My mum said that toddlers need down time too just like we do and time to appreciate a bit of 'stillness' or they'll go through life thinking they constantly have to be stimulated. She also said it's good for her imagination to be able to play on her own!

Dd goes to nursery 2 days a week, with my parents 1 day and the other 4 days is doing something with me or dh.

Stop being so hard on yourself you sound like an amazing mum and staying in a few days a week will probably be brilliant for all of you!

Xxx

My childhood was the same as you describe OP. My mum worked on w Saturday so I stayed at home with a lazy disinterested father. I remember begging him to take me ANYWHERE. He didn’t play with me. Never took me to the park. I thought it was normal, but it wasn’t. DH’s parents were the same.

DH is a SAHP and we’re both so sensitive about keeping the kids busy (4Yr Old and 1yr Old) They have groups/activities most days but on wednesdays and Thursdays when DD is at preSchool my DH and 1yr old stay at home and play. On the weekend we spend one day at home, catching up on housework and playing at home and the other day doing something fun. Kids and parents need time to decompress, and at first I wasn’t so good at keeping that balance due to my childhood.

I must be a crap parent, because we stay in all the time.

I work 3 days a week when ds goes to nursery, my days off are often spent just pottering around in the house with ds, watching tv, playing with toys.

We do go out, I visit my parents, we go to a toddler group, we go to the shops and the park and I do the school run, but we're not out all day every day.

I like being in my own house.

I try very hard to have a 'home' day a week.

DS has a mix of nursery, and my DM during the week and then we're out all weekend supermarket/church/something fun.

He really loves his Mondays pottering about at home playing trains, watching cartoons, and having long baths with all his toys in.

I think its good for children to learn to not be constantly entertained with scheduled activities.

With a 2 year old I would probably try to go out every day though so they get some exercise and therefore nap and sleep better at night. It doesn't have to be a huge trip though, a potter around the block in the morning followed by a chilled rest of the day would be fine for the 'relaxed' days.

My son is nearly 18 months and we’ve always done 1 or even 2 groups/activities outside the house a day since he was tiny. I’m 39 weeks pregnant now and my spd is really limiting my mobility so for the last month or so we have stayed in for at least 3 out of the 5 weekdays. I feel a bit guilty he is watching too much tv but in reality he is fine, just as happy and doesn’t actually need to be out of the house. The day feels a bit longer for me but I don’t think it affects him at all.

It's fine. I remember the days sorting with my DP's watching tv very fondly. They were usually too busy. Because you did it all the time and were bored you are going overboard the other way, doing too much can be exhausting to small children. That is usually all we do at the weekend as I work evenings and don't like to go out during the day as I get anxious that I will be late for work. My kids are 4 and 1, my DS and DD play together, they have lunch, my DS goes to for his nap and me and DD then have 1 to 1 time together playing, talking and cuddling together watching tv, until my DS gets up then we either go to my DM's for tea before I go to work, where they play until my DH picks them up and puts them to bed or they play at home until tea time and I go to work before my DH sorts them and puts them to bed. During the week my DD goes to school and has swimming one day a week, she is going to start rainbows next year. My DS has swimming one day a week and baby group one day a week, the rest he has 1 to 1 time with mummy. They do go to soft play's every now and again and go on holiday once a year and visit zoo's, aquariums or museums. We can't afford to do much more than that on a day to day basis.

DD was in nursery 4 days a week and I'm married to someone who always has to be doing something at the weekends so on Fridays we used to do sweet FA. DD could potter with her toys, we watched films, built dens and played hide and seek.

DD still loves doing this more than being dragged out and about.

redrobin182
Thank you. You sound like a brilliant mum too. Don't be hard on yourself either, you are growing a baby and doing a great job X

MirriVan
My parents would say those things too. But we didn't have as much as a sheet of paper and a pen. Just TV. And it would have been easier to cope with short bursts of boredom if we had been taken out or entertained even just once in a blue moon. No matter how creative a child you are there's a lot of hours in a day to fill with no stimulus.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply with your interesting perspectives. Really useful, thank you.

I do a lot of "focused activities" with DS (soon to be 2yo) but I really value the days that we can just chill out and -mess- play at home. He needs to learn how to -mess- play independently while I'm getting on with stuff.

The days can be long with toddlers (mine hadn't napped for months) so it's more to stimulate him and get us out of the house to pass the time/get some fresh air. DH gets up, goes out at 9am and isn't back till long after DS is in bed so it's just me and him all day.

I was admonished in a different thread for doing "too many activities" with DS

Depends on the child really. My 2 year old would go crazy in the house all day - he really needs some kind of excursion, sometimes just to the library 5 mins walk from us or to one of our local playgrounds.

we didn't feel the need to constantly entertain the boy when he was little - with 'organised' activities.
I like down time, can;t stand being constantly busy - and doing one thing then another then another....

Sometimes, just sitting around on the tablet, watching TV, reading, playing with cars, coluring in, doing a puzzle...whatever is enough :/

Kids don't need to be constantly busy and "entertained" by an adult or through Activities. they will entertain themselves with toys, paper, pencils etc.

Getting balance is good!

My DD goes to childcare 4 days a week then on my day off and a Saturday we are out doing things so I always feel that we both need a chill out day on a Sunday. If she seems to be a bit fidgety we’ll go for a walk and I do play with her

Are you really only be able to relax when you’re indoors ‘doing nothing’? I don’t think it’s a healthy precedent to set for your kids tbh. They should be outdoors at least for a little while each day, walking, getting sunshine/vitamin D, even if it’s just the garden.

I have a 15 month old, he’s at the childminder 3 days a week whilst I work, on our days together unless it’s raining we always go out for walks at least twice a day just so he can let off some steam and sleep better as we live in a flat with limited space/no garden. We do one or 2 baby groups but we don’t go every week, and he loves the playground so are there pretty regularly.

Definitely have a day at home. You will all benefit from it. Kids need to be able to entertain themselves too.

We tend to do a mixture - one "outside" activity a day for a few hours e.g. Playgroup, some independent play, some structured play and some down time.

When I started my mat leave and had gone past the newborn stage, I went out pretty much every day. It was too much for my DS. He was in a pram for too long sometimes and would get moody sometimes as too much was going on.

I have just come back from a holiday where we went out every day and honestly, he is so happy to be home playing with his toys and crawling. He's almost 10 months.

Everything is stimulation for them at this age so enjoy the cosy days in!

I often worry about this but I think a day in the house a couple of days a week does do them good. We had a run of a few long days with shopping, groups, soft play and appointments this week and my DS lost the plot yesterday at 4pm when we finally got in, he was knackered and over stimulated. today he was happy just to potter around the house and had extra long naps, I think I'll make an effort to have more down time from now on.