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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being mean to 3yo DD?

32 replies

RobinHobb · 22/11/2018 14:40

I've been thinking about this for some time and I need some input from fellow mums. DD1 (3 years old) has recently given up her afternoon nap from 1pm to 3pm. DD2 (1 year old) naps from 1pm to 3pm also and this used to be a lovely oasis of peace during the day when I could get things done, have a cup of tea etc.
So DD1 started only napping once or twice a week, and so I would put her down for a nap anyway in her bed, with her toys and so on. Now she just plays in her bed with her books, toys, dolls for an hour to so, and I watch over the baby monitor. She's happy and is singing, talking to her baby doll, "reading" it a story etc.
I feel a bit mean that she is basically confined to her room for that time with no input from me. She's happy - there is absolute NO crying I would never just leave her in a room if she wasn't happy (the door is unlocked, but she can't quite turn the handle yet), but something still makes me feel bad.
DH says I am being super sensitive, that I should be happy that she is happy to do quiet time on her own, it is good discipline for her to learn to entertain herself for a while, and best of all - gives me a break during the day (DH is away during the work week so just me at home with the DC).
What are people's thoughts? I was thinking of giving her tablet to help her while away the time, but I don't like the idea of her having so much screen time during the day (we do 30 minutes of telly at night while I settle baby).
Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
CheetahMama · 22/11/2018 14:43

Don’t give her her tablet! If she’s happy then I don’t think you need to feel mean at all - I think entertaining yourself is a good skill!
My dd1 (4) demands a movie and a treat (just raisins etc) while dd2 (22 months) sleeps... that’s a negotiation down from the tablet I gave her in desperation one day to reserve my ‘me time’!

JellyBaby666 · 22/11/2018 14:45

If she's happy and playing well and your concern is she doesn't have input from you for that hour or so, how does a tablet help?!? I think it sounds great she can amuse herself and you get some blessed peace - savour, enjoy, and be glad she'd happy!

misskatamari · 22/11/2018 14:46

I think it's a great skill, to be able to enjoy playing happily alone. I would avoid giving the tablet (we've been there and it's a nightmare, they end up wanting it all the time and we've not pretty much banned it apart from rare occasions). As long as she's happy I think some chilled quiet time in the afternoon is lovely (I'm going to attempt this with ds now you've mentioned it!)

ViviPru · 22/11/2018 14:46

Your DH is absolutely right. Enjoy it while it lasts.

silkpyjamasallday · 22/11/2018 14:46

Doesn't sound like she needs a tablet if she is happy playing with toys, once you give them an iPad or whatever you will find it difficult to go back. I don't think you should feel guilty, she can shout for you if she needs you. We encourage our 2 year old to do a fair bit of independent play, and she is very happy to do so, plus means we can get things done more efficiently.

Leeds2 · 22/11/2018 14:47

I think it sounds absolutely fine. And if DD is learning how to entertain herself, then all is well! It is a great skill to learn.

seastargirl · 22/11/2018 14:47

Leave her be and enjoy the peace. Although she's not napping, being in her room will probably help her to relax and she well feel a little more refreshed for the rest of the day, as will you!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/11/2018 14:48

I think you're not being mean at all, I think while they transition away from naps they still need some quiet time without much stimulation or they get really tired by the end of the day, it is probably recharging her energy a bit

BendingSpoons · 22/11/2018 14:49

It's not mean at all! Some quiet play time is good and means you will be much more refreshed for the rest of the day. It's a good skill to play independently.

Bambamber · 22/11/2018 14:49

You are way over thinking this. Everyone is happy, your child is entertaining themself. Why you would want to introduce a tablet is beyond me

Frogsrus · 22/11/2018 14:50

My DS who is 3 has been playing lego in the dining room for the last 45 mins. Why would you feel guilty? I've had a nice cup of coffee and a cake and the tv to myself. He'll be there for atleast another half an hour. He's having fun and talking away to himself. He knows where I am when he's got a brick stuck and needs help.

SmallBlondeMama · 22/11/2018 14:50

I called this Quiet Time! Totally normal! She probably enjoys some quiet time to play with her toys and have a little break. Def don't give her the tablet tho. Let her play and use her imagination :)

Bluntness100 · 22/11/2018 14:50

I really don't see the issue with the tablet, in fact research shows kids who use them develop certain skills faster. I really don't get all the angst about screen time. It's hardly like she's in front of it for several hours a day.

However personally no I woildnt shut her in her room for an hour a day either. And she is shut in if she can't use the handle to get out. But if yOu need the break you need the break. How long do you intend to do this for? At some point she's going to get pissed off about it.

I'd give her the choice, ask if she wants to go up or stay down stairs for quiet play.

Myusernameisunique · 22/11/2018 14:53

My DD is just recently 3 years old and has been taking herself to her room to play on her own frequently for about 6 months or so. She's more than happy to amuse herself and I know she's safe. I don't think there's any harm in it at all.

seventhgonickname · 22/11/2018 14:56

I used to love listening to my dd singing to herself and replaying with her toys the things I would say to her.You get to see their imagination flower,or you could give her a tablet and stop it in its tracks.
Playing independently is to be encouraged and gives you a break.

KittensAndCake · 22/11/2018 14:57

Because there's plenty of time for screens when she's older. She's happy playing with her dolls, reading, using her imagination. She doesn't need a tablet turning her into a zombie like my teens
Enjoy the peace OP 😊

TakeMe2Insanity · 22/11/2018 15:02

My nearly 3 year old naps or wants to be running around around like a mad man. Enjoy the peace. She sounds happy. I wish mine would ‘rest’.

Celebelly · 22/11/2018 15:06

I think it sounds like great imaginative play, and it's a good thing for kids to be able to amuse themselves or make their own entertainment! I'm sure you'd know about it if she was bored or unhappy so I'd leave her to it and you can both enjoy your alone time in your own way!

CheerfulMuddler · 22/11/2018 15:07

We do this. (Though we don't shut the door.) Sometimes DS naps, sometimes he doesn't, but if he doesn't manage to sleep, he has to have some quiet down time in his own room. I need it for my sanity!

HappyHippy45 · 22/11/2018 15:11

Both my dc stopped napping about 18 months.......ds got plonked in front of telly/or played with trains for an hour or so and dd was happy doing a quiet activity/watching telly. Not as peaceful as them both napping but you have to do whatever works to preserve your sanity!
That's so great that she can amuse herself.

heather1 · 22/11/2018 15:13

I think your DH is right. She is happy and finding ways to occupy herself. Please please don’t give her a tablet. She will lose the ability to entertain herself and you are likely to be asked for the tablet at other times. If she wants you she will call. Who knows maybe she is really enjoying this period of quiet time where she can do as she pleases.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 22/11/2018 15:24

Keeo the tablet up your sleeve for now. If she starts trying to eat into your quiet time, you can use it. Screen time is good for em - educational.

Original poster
RobinHobb · 22/11/2018 15:25

Thank you everyone - this really has set my mind at rest. I don't really want to give her a tablet, and I like that she is learning to play on her own (I don't like telly, am an avid reader). She usually comes out of "quiet" time happy and much more relaxed so I think it is ok overall. My idea of introducing the tablet was for when she gets bored of just playing with her dolls/book, but I think I will keep giving her new books or toys every so often that I will stash away from Xmas (there will be a HUGE stash as all the family is at ours for Xmas) + there is also the library....
I'm really reassured that the consensus has been this is not mean, and that its ok. I absolutely love this 1-2 hour window in the day to let me just relax and get my head together and have a cup of tea... Will be sad when quiet time is done away with altogether (has to happen some day right...?)

OP posts:
Original poster
RobinHobb · 22/11/2018 15:28

and I will definitely keep the tablet up my sleeve for when quiet time ends... :-)

OP posts:
costacoffeecup · 22/11/2018 15:29

My three year old hasn't napped for about 18 months, you've been very lucky!

I think playing on their own is fine. I know what you mean though, dd is currently 'playing' in the kitchen/playroom and I keep shouting through to check what she's doing 🤔