To not help out once I've given birth

[Nina92]

I'll quickly set the scene - I have a nearly 2yo DS and am due in 10w to have another DS.
Little sister is 3yo (mum had her at 40), and attends nursery every day until 11:30am, mum works full time & I'm the only one available to collect LS from nursery (childcare would leave me out of pocket to work full time, I currently work 20hrs on weekends)

I currently collect LS at 11:30am, feed both kids & play, then collect my mum from work at 3:45pm and drop mum & LS off at mums.

Once I give birth to DS2, I think I'll struggle for a while to collect LS 5 days a week. I'm already exhausted, I know other women do it (hats off to ya, it's hard).

AIBU to mention to my mum I won't be able to collect LS for a while?

Bare in mind my mum is incredible and her current job is quite new, she's devoted her life to her children and is only just doing something for herself that she enjoys. I would never mention anything if I thought it would make her rethink her job or would cause a rift.

Genuinely just don't know if I'm BU!

I don't think YABU. Just realistic. Looking after a newborn, nearly 2yo and a 3yo will be exhausting. Not to mention dragging the newborn around to the nursery and back...

I also think giving your Mum a heads-up now will give her time to find an alternative.

YANBU. She's your Mum's child and her responsibility. Lovely to help each other out but at the expense of your own children.

You organise your work and childcare to suit you, she needs to do the same.

Could your little sis attend longer hours until your Mum can pick her up?

Is it something you’d be happy to get back to in a few weeks/months time after you’ve got over the initial newborn phase, or would you prefer to not be committed to 5 days a week long term?

I think it's definitely time to discuss it with her. If you end up with a C-section you could potentially be out of action for up to 6 weeks (driving etc) so it would give your mum time to put back up measures in place.

She should be entitled to 30 hours funding so your mum could use that instead.

Yes she just needs to be in longer hours Until you’re ready to start up again. I’m sure your mum will understand, she sounds cool

Thanks for all the responses, I think I just needed confirmation that I'm not being out of order.

I'd love to continue to pick her up once I'm healed, but In sept she will be attending full time school and we live in another area,
So realistically long term it isn't possible as my son would attend a different school 30 minutes away.

She is so cool, she'd definitely understand. I'll have the conversation

Thank you thank you!

I had a 3 year old, 2 year old and a new born doing x5 nursery runs. It was exhausting and very stressful. No way would I do it if they weren't my own - you'll end up resenting her. It'll be a big adjustment for your 2 year old too - hard enough to share sibling with mum!

YANBU, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your Mum so just talk to her about it. You'll probably find she's already considered alternatives as I'm sure she understands it could be too much for you straight after baby is born x