Cutting off family dilema - disgusted with their behaviour.

[BenT1905]

In the last year we two brothers have been involved as executors in family matters and both have behaved appallingly I think.
One, in effect, held beneficiaries to ransom stating that he would hold out on any payments or utilise the funds elsewhere until his wife received a gift for 'all her hard work' He was sole executor. His correspondence got more abusive as family ignored his ludicrous demands.
Another brother, who I was joint executor with, drained our mums bank account to the daily maximum after her death, justifying this on care costs ( no receipts to be seen) Then after being paid for further outstanding care cost, tried to claim this amount again from the solicitor until challenged and backed down.
He also tore up a codicil, left with the solicitor asking his daughter to repay a loan from her inheritance!! This was 'justified' as mum had helped my son at Uni ( also his daughter i'm sure)
The pure greed and, bordering criminal nature, of these disgusting actions have lead me to thinking of terminating any further contact with both brothers and their families. We are not very close anyway.
Am I being unreasonable??

Wow that's terrible. Why do people behave like this over inheritance.
Ynbu

Nope. I would drop them like a bag of burning dog shit.

I've always thought probate must be the most awful area of law to work in, seeing decent people who have lost loved ones become so obsessed with financial matters and behave so badly that they lose more loved ones. It truly destroys families

Their behaviour is indeed disgusting, and I’d want to cut off all contact too, but they’re going to get away with their appalling behaviour then. Difficult.

I'm just about to watch my family go through this. Three sisters and one brother. I am the next generation down, do not directly involved, but leant on for support, since two sisters have already been estranged for over twenty years (One is my mum, the other is my aunt). The other sister has mental health issues, and the only brother has resided in the property (inheritance) for over 40+ years. I pray that it us sorted amicably, and there is not further heartache (after losing my uncle).
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, but don't make any rash decisions. Distance yourself for a time, and see if you organically return to one another's lives.

Nope. I would drop them like a bag of burning dog shit

But I LOVE this!

This is the reason I am NC with my brother: The only things I ever heard out of him when I was executor to my parents will (both died within 11 months of each other) was: Where's my money?!

He bugged my solicitor no end too, and I was so relieved when she rang me at the end and cheerily asked me if she should bill all the extra work he created to him. She received a enthusiastic 'YES!' from me.

I hate when families fall out but that is inexcusable.

There is something to be said for having independent executors, no emotional ties, no barrels to hold people over.

I hope the beneficiaries took legal advice on getting these two removed as executors?

This happened to my dh dad’s family. Split the family up and one of dh’s cousins somehow managed to get away with all of his grandmothers money. This issue is still ongoing 11 years later!

On the basis of your OP, I would cut contact but it sounds like you've had too close losses in recent years. Sometimes, it's best not to make big decisions when they may be clouded with grief. So, I'd gently step back rather than making a big declaration because, after some time passes, you may feel differently about severing ties.

YANBU. Sounds like my family. I wasn’t a beneficiary of my father’s will. My mother got a solicitor to write to me asking for money after my father died.

two close losses not too.

@InspectorIkmen
Nope. I would drop them like a bag of burning dog shit

But I LOVE this!

Obviously we share a similar sense of humour. When I first thought through why horrible little boys place burning bags of dog shit on people's doorsteps I laughed so much that I almost wet myself. It's so brilliantly nasty.

It’s posts like these that make me thank God I have no siblings. I was executor for both parents, inherited the lot and it was easy peasy.

AlexaAmbidextra Bully for you.

Alexa agreed. I found it enormously burdensome when my DDad died and when my DM was unwell (thankfully recovered for now) as an only child, having no-one else to share the load.

However looking at DH's experience with FIL, mine was easier as at least I had no-one to fall out with over decisions, feel why was I doing all the work when someone else lived nearer etc etc. Siblings are a mixed blessing.

Executors are duty bound to carry out the deceased's wishes. They are not allowed to change what's in the will, or do what they like with the assets, unless all the beneficiaries agree.

Dh and his siblings have done this twice, once to reinstate a former beneficiary who'd been cut out because the deceased objected to his seriously spendaholic wife 'getting her hands on any of my money' but said wife had become ex in between the making of the will and the relative's death.
Another time they made a 'gratitude' payment to someone who'd been a great help to the deceased in her last years.
But they'd all agreed on both of these.

I'm NC with my family over money too. It really is the root of all evil.
I second krustykittens drop them.

Perfect & in a nutshell 👍
That is my instinct - vile people are vile whether family or not!!

Going through similar but one pace removed and cannot ask a thing without the shit hitting the fan.......going to have to at some point as I think dd may be done out of her share if not.....