Bday present make or break

[Crookedcolours]

AIBU to be gearing up to end a long term relationship over a present.

Bf of nearly 2 years on and off, just under a year since last break.

Never had a preset from him and even though he says all the right stuff that he loves me etc I have a weird feeling he won't get me one for my bday.

I don't want anything big, I just want something.

Aibu to not say much and see what happens?

Have you heard of the 5 love languages?
Gifts
Acts of service
Words of affirmation
Touch
Time spent together

Everyone has different love languages. For example my hubby shows love through touch. He also feels loved when given extra cuddles and affection. My love language is to spend time with loved ones and to some extent acts of service. I have to remember to show my hubby love with touch (his love language) because I’m not overly affectionate. Gifts aren’t even on our radar and just aren’t important to us. But there is nothing wrong if gifts are important to you. Just communicate this to your bf

Have you bought him gifts for his birthday? (I"m assuming so).

Did you mention you were upset about no present last year? What did he say?

My DH goes from utterly spectacular at presents to horrendous. Ie thoughtfully chosen little things he'd seen me admire through the year, all beautifully wrapped and put in an amazing tank type vase, to the following year nothing, yes absolutely nothing! year after that diamond earrings... Christmas appears to drop on him out of the blue and can be a surprise, but on the whole he makes me happy. Brings me a cup tea every morning. Appears home with random things he thought might interest me, sends the odd text to check in or give me a laugh.
The present thing might be the only thing he gets wrong and otherwise he's fabulous but that's not the impression you give in your post. If it's symptomatic of a wider can't be bothered approach, then it's not unreasonable for it to be a deal breaker...

" I just have slight concerns about his effort, he can be a bit lazy in general"

You need to weigh up if the "lovely" is worth staying with and the rest doesn't matter as much.

I'd study how he is with other people. If he manages to do things for other people, then it's because he doesn't prioritise you.

Why don't you tell him, that you expect him to make an effort on your birthday. This is not about monetary value. This is about whether you care enough to ensure my birthday.. Insert date is acknowledged or not.
I cared enough to ensure you had a happy day, and I am letting you know this is a deal breaker.

Then depending on what he does on the day proceed from there.
Christmas from you should reflect on how he treats your birthday.

Just before my last birthday (and I've had many!) I was asked about gifts. I replied, honestly, "I'm not fussed about presents, but I'd be sad if nobody noticed." and that's how I feel. Everybody's different. It can become an issue when you're old enough to have enough "stuff" to last you a lifetime, and funds to get things if they take your fancy. But the friend who asked took the trouble to check it out, and arranged posh afternoon tea! It's the not bothering to check it out which is a bit iffy.
If he's lovely and thoughtful in other ways, I take it back. But if the one hour's difference means "out of sight, out of mind"........

Sorry, meant "travelling distance"!

It depends on your mentality towards presents. They have never been a big thing for me or my family, and it took me by surprise when we first got together, that DH expected presents for birthdays and Christmas as it wasn't something that even crossed my mind.

So, I'd cut your bf a little bit of slack, if he thinks like me, he may well need it explicitly explaining to him that you do expect him to get something.

Presents are very important - they are a reflection of someone’s feeling for you. My husband and I have bought each other exceptionally cheap presents for each other that are treasured by each other.

If he can’t be bothered to think about it, but you something you’d like and be excited to do it then he’s not invested in the relationship or he’s a lazy dick. Either way he’d be gone.

I can’t believe he’s not bought you anything in 2 years.

Presents are very important - they are a reflection of someone’s feeling for you.

That might be true for you ... it's not true for everyone (not me)

OP - you might want to google "5 love languages".

I might not have expressed that very well - reading it back it sounds materialistic that’s not how I meant it.

For example, one of the nicest presents I’ve ever had was a second handbook that cost £1.50 as it had sentimental value.

I made my DH a box of homemade fudge when I was utterly broke because I knew he’d love it.

Both of those gifts were cheap but showed we knew each other and wanted to get the person something they really liked.

I can see why you would be upset, I would also appreciate a gesture on my birthday.

But it does seem massively unfair to set a 'test' for him by making the lack of a present a dealbreaker without telling him first.

OhioOhioOhio - totally believable, I was that mug too......twice

Foslady

Twice. Omg. The idea that it could happen twice is terrifying. Did you handle it differently the second time?