A couple of girlfriends and I were recently invited to a birthday dinner to celebrate a big birthday of mutual friend. Another friend of the birthday girl who was also invited to the dinner took it upon herself to arrange a joint gift ,card and cake from all those invited to the event. The request for money from all invited which was sent out from the organiser by text was to pay for ''a surprise spa, a cake and a card and if there is any money left a bracelet or earrings''. The organiser then quoted her PayPal account details and asked for a set amount per head from all those who wanted to contribute. This would have been very thoughtful and convenient had it not been for the fact that the surprise spa was supposed to be from the four girls who were taking the birthday girl to the overnight spa and not the rest of those attending the party who were asked to contribute equally. I was not one of those invited to the spa however knowing the organiser of the gift very well was not surprised surprised by her request for a contribution which I quietly felt was inappropriate. Within minutes of receiving the text I had messages from others who had also been asked for money yet also not asked to the spa and they were far louder than me in voicing their displeasure for being asked to contribute towards something they hadn't been invited to. As I knew the gift organiser better than these girls in my response to her after thanking her for her message and for offering to arrange the gift etc I questioned as to whether it was appropriate to ask all the people invited to a party to pay for a spa which only a few were asked to attend. My question was not just met with a torrent of abuse but the organiser emailed those girls who were asked to the spa plus the birthday girl saying how I had gone out of my way to spoil all the efforts she had made to make the birthday girl's big day special and how incredibly upset she was by my behaviour and that my text reply had arrived whilst she was on holiday and had ruined her trip. I was not actually that upset by her request for money and not at all bothered by not being invited to the spa but I spoke up in an attempt to diffuse the upset of the other non invited girls so the birthday would not be spoiled. In fact she asked one girl for money who had not even been invited to the birthday party yet alone the spa! The culmination of all of this is that the friends of the birthday girl (who found out what happened prior to her birthday but was told by those going to the spa that it was just 'a badly worded text') are now a completely divided group - several did not attend the party at all to avoid any bad atmosphere and the birthday girl is dreading her next birthday and the husband of the present organiser thinks his wife has been completely wrong and that she should apologise to me. The organiser herself will not apologise and thinks I should apologise. Despite being told by the birthday girl that I have done nothing to apologise for I have sent a nice olive branch text to the organiser suggesting we move on from this horrible state of affairs amicably but it has gone ignored. I spoke up originally in good faith in order to avoid conflict. Was I wrong or was it the present organiser herself who was out of order?