About DH's 'I can make that...'

[MoaningSickness]

So I really wanted to buy our toddler dd a little indoor climbing frame (she climbs everything!), that is modular can be used in lots of different ways. DH insisted it was too expensive, but he could make one similar for cheaper.

I showed him pictures/plans of ones people had made online. Emphasised the multifunctions. He said he would make a few modifications to keep it cheaper.

He's built it. It cost as much as buying one, but its not modular. Except his is 'better' he insists because it's bigger (twice as big!). We don't live in a mansion. I can't fold it up and move it around as I would have been able to with the one I wanted. It isn't used that much because there's not much you can do with it.

It dominates the living room and every time I look at it a silently seethe. Every now and then facbook taunts me with adverts of the one I wanted being used in a new exciting way that won't work with ours.

I can't say anything because he put a huge amount of time and effort (not to mention the money) making it. He's so proud of it (it is impressively well made!), and it would really upset him to know I hate it.

I'm an unreasonable cow, aren't I?

I'm only thinking about it because I was going to buy a little felt Christmas tree for DD to decorate and DH started up with the 'I can make one much better than that...'

YANBU my DH does the same and it drives me potty but for a different reason....

If I let him do it, it never happens or it never gets finished. So now I just say ‘no’ and buy whatever it is without further discussion.

YANBU. My husband does the same.... but doesn't actully come up with the goods. I wanted to buy our son a toddler table for his 1st birthday as he loves to draw, paint and build things... my husband said he wanted to make one for him that would be much nicer, cheaper and inkeeping with our other furniture (which incidentally is a mix of nice wooden stuff and cheap ikea bits). Our son is now 2 and a half and it doesn't look like he'll have a table this side of his 5th birthday, given all the other projects that take priority....

My DH is very similar if I had the gall to suggest hiring a contractor for DIY projects around the house he gets personally offended. He started to paint the interior of the house and six freaking years later he confessed he didn't have time or skill to complete it after partially painting only one room! In four days the entire house inside/out was painted professionally. Sigh. Good luck OP

I find the best way to make dh get on with whatever project we've got going is to get quotes from a contractor. As soon as I do this. Dh manages to find the time and gets it done. 😁

Can you link to the one you wanted it sounds great!

Next time don't mention it beforehand. Just buy it. If he quarrels over this, point to the frame and tell him it cost the same but isn't as good and you have learned a lesson as a result The beauty of the modular one is that you could sell it at some point in the future. His DIY one would be firewood only I suspect but I probably wouldn't mention it. Domestic harmony and all that.

YANBU

Our marriage improved immeasurably when I convinced DH he was undermining my feminist credentials by not allowing me to call the skilled professionals. I also salved his ego by telling him he is skilled in what he is paid to do and his time and effort is far too precious to be tramping on other people's expertise.

Does annoy me that I can't knit for the DC anymore because it is too expensive.

'I'll make him a Christmas tree'
'Thanks, but I'd really like to be the one to treat him this time.'

'I'll make him a slide.'
'Thanks, but they grow out of things so fast it would be better to have something we can sell on, rather than something you've invested too much time in.'

Having said that - sometimes the inconvenient, lovingly made thing becomes a cherished memory. We had a wonkily sewn fur beanbag for ages that I'd made in response to DS's plea for 'one in the shape of a cat but big enough to sit on' and my childhood was improved by a home-made climbing frame that had to be used very, very carefully or the whole thing toppled sideways.

point to the frame and tell him it cost the same but isn't as good and you have learned a lesson as a result

He genuinely believes his is better, so this wouldn't work sadly.

The beauty of the modular one is that you could sell it at some point in the future. His DIY one would be firewood only

Great. Another reason to be bitter! I agree, the one he made is not sellable as it obviously doesnt confirm to safety standards. To be fair once we'd passed a bought one through several kids it might well be too trashed to make much.

sometimes the inconvenient, lovingly made thing becomes a cherished memory

Yes, I'm sure DD will treasure that it was made for her more than a brought one in years to come, and she won't know what it could have been!

YANBU OP. Off topic but could you by any chance put up a link to these climbing frames

Does anyone really want to see this home made climbing frame?

Personally I would get the one I wanted and have the row. There is a climbable elephant in the room that needs to suffer an accident personally.

Stop telling him things. He can do the 'i could have made one....' thing after the fact.

Or paint it in weather proof paint and stick it in the garden.