Posting in AIBU on behalf of my friend, with her permission as I don't think it fits typically in relationships but there is a definite AIBU here. For background C is 19 (almost 20), M is 21 and A is 19 and we're all at uni. I'm only as involved in this as I am as she has asked me for my opinions and what to do next, and if he continues to give her such mixed signals to talk to him because it's confusing and hurting her.
So my friend C likes this guy M, on Monday 12th she tells him and he's not interested and they decide they want ro be friends and it's all good, they carry on as normal. A different guy let's call him A expresses interest in her and they decide to take things slow and get to know each other and he's joined us on a couple of group things like watching her play in a concert and then came to watch a showcase thing with us and our flatmates tonight it's all fun A is a nice guy and totally smitten with C and she freely admits that she likes him and wants to take things further.
However tonight at the showcase, M turns up (doesn't know or hasn't been told she'll be there although she did share the event on facebook) doesn't see we're there till the interval and comes over to say hello and we invite him to sit with us because he's our friend and we don't want him to sit alone.M then comes out with, I'm going to throw a party, when are you free they talk about possible dates for that, C introduces M and A and is called away by a friend at a different table, M assues A is a housemates friend and appears very put out when I say no he's C's friend.
We all go back to ours for hot chocolate and to play boardgames, C and A sit on one sofa, A sits on a spinny chair beside them and me and our other housemates sit on the other sofa and spinny chair. C is a naturally cuddly person, something that we all know and ends up sitting basically snuggling A (which she'd do with anyone) with her legs across his. M saw her shift to this position and started clenching and unclenching a pair of scissors that were on the table, caught himself and put them down. He then angled the chair he was on to block out A completely and started asking C about when she's free so he knows when to throw the party and bringing up a lot of inside jokes and offering to be her emergency contact for an event where he'll be closer to her than her parents and asking her what she was doing on Sunday and if she wants to join him at an event thing.
So naturally she is completely and utterly confused and has no idea what is going on in her head. She does still like him, but is going to take him at his word because verbal consent is important and she has no right to push the matter as he made his disinterest completely clear in that regard and she knows that A likes her and she likes being with him. She is however in a complete and utter tailspin over why M is saying one thing yet doing another. His words are saying no but his actions and behaviour are showing something completely different.
AIBU to tell her to ignore him and his mixed signals as he has no idea what he thinks or wants and waiting for him to figure that out is just going to hurt her in the long term, and that she should see where things go with A in the short term because she does like him and they both know exactly where they stand. And while it may not work out in the long term there is no reason why they can't enjoy dating and spending time together. (They may not work out long term because of religious views)
Personally I believe that M and C would work well together, but the timing isn't right. They're at very different places right now and his head is clearly all over the place on top of that and she has no obligation to wait around to wait for him to figure it out and he has no right to mess her around in the meantime, which as unintentional as it is, that is what he is doing.