That telling people to go to Weight Watchers is rude?

[MaryofMislethwaiteManor]

I mean, if they ASK It’s probably ok...but certainly did not.

So my flatmate got married a couple of weeks ago. She was showing me the (endless) pictures. I was suitably gushing, you look amazing, that really captures the day, you look so happy bla bla bla. She mentioned she was super stressed out on the morning of the wedding. As I’m getting married myself next year, I asked her what she’d have done to make things less stressful generally. I thought she’d say have a glass of champagne beforehand or get someone to pop your phone and lipstick in their handbag. She said,

‘Lose the weight now. Seriously. Your dress is gorgeous but those pictures will last a lifetime. You’re not tall, if you don’t do something soon you WILL look chubby’

She then proceeded to give me weight watchers leaflets, recipes etc, encouraged me to go to a meeting, as it would ‘radically change the way I thought about food’

I’m not tall. (5,5) I’m also not technically fat (I have had a severe eating disorder in the past but she wouldn’t know) I AM fatter than I would like at a 10/12. I would like to be thinner for the wedding.

I am not a particularly emotional person but I am crying into a brandy currently

Is it ok to tell someone these things? Maybe it’s the spur I need? I feel shit now though.

I mean a severe eating disorder as in anorexia, not binge eating. I’m at a ‘healthy’ weight now.

Your so called friend was massively rude!!!

I told our local weightwatchers leaflet-delivering evangelists that a recovered anorexic lives in our house (they do) and they’ve never been back.

If you feel able, tell your friend your history. If she’s a half-decent human she’ll 1)realise she was out of order and apologise and 2) ‘radically change’ the way she thinks about commenting on other people’s bodies when that’s none of her fucking business and she’s no idea of the real work they may have done to overcome unhealthy “ideals” and reach a place of genuine wellbeing.

Also, huge hug. Ignore her.

wow that's insanely rude! How did you resist throwing the brandy into her eyes balls! Bitch!

I was just incredibly British and thanked her for her suggestions

She’s not my friend, really, it’s a funny set up as I work just round the corner in quite a high pressured job (she’s not in the same inustry though) so it’s her flat but I’m there mon-fri. She’s quite a bit older than me, but we usually rub along together ok.

You were very restrained to not tell her to go fuck herself.

However, if her abiding memory of the morning of her wedding is being stressed that she wasn't the "correct" shape or weight I feel a bit sorry for her. I was a size 16 when I got married. Fatter now after two babies. My abiding memory of my wedding morning was unbelievable excitement and thinking I'd never looked so fab.

Oh and I have done Weightwatchers before and it doesn't radically change anything. They peddle really stupid "diet" food that tastes awful and costs a fortune and the plan is basically just about portion control and making sensible choices. Radical my arse.

It’s very rude and tbh very strange comment. I think she’s obsessed about her weight and have a real problem with this.
I wouldn’t tell her about your experience, she doesn’t deserve your trust. I would rather tell her something like: Oh! We’re you so stressed because you thought you did a mistake?
Or something like this... I know it’s not nice but sometimes it’s the only way to stop stupid comments.

What an idiot thing to say. She's clearly lost sight of what a wedding actually is. It's two people committing to each other, not a staged photoshoot to look back on critically.

I hope you have a lovely wedding with your friends and family (tell me she's not invited?) and when you look at your photos you see someone having their best ever day.

She’s not fat, well, not now, presumably thanks to weight watchers! I shouldn’t have shown her a picture of my (quite modest and standard, not strapless) dress as she keeps banging on about needing to be super slim to ‘pull off a dress like that’

What a horrible woman! Ok you may want to be a bit slimmer on your wedding day but you hadn't actually told her this.
Fwiw I have done weight watchers and you do actually lose weight but I found the Samsung health food and exercise tracker and common sense worked better than those stupid points.
I also found it slightly triggering as I had eating disorders when younger and watching the scales drop every week and being so in control started a weird thing in me.
Ignore her OP. Bet you'll look great in your dress and hopefully the only stress you'll have is what type of champagne to have!
Congratulations on your wedding

Well she's wrong about WW's anyway, you can lose weight but you put it straight back on again once you stop going.

It doesn't change the way you think about food in the slightest, it's just a group setting with that ' group encouragement/shame' vibe. Also, as a nation , if we pay for something we want to get our monies worth.

It can be quite good for upcoming weddings and holidays..with that and slimming world you lose weight reasonably quickly, but in no way is at a long term solution.

Horrible thing to come out with. She's projecting her own struggle with weight and stresses surrounding fitting in her dress onto you, which is unnecessary as well as inappropriate. Don't let her comments eat away at you

She's barmy! Apart from the fact that you sound a perfect size for your height, in my experience you really won't care and will look back on your photos thinking how young and slim you looked. What did Baz Lurhmann's Class of 99 say? "In 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cannot grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked... you are not as fat as you imagine".

I rarely look at my wedding photos but when I do I just think "didn't we look young!"

I am around the same height as you and a size 12. Never been into dieting or faddy eating. My bmi is pretty near the middle of the healthy range. I was amazed at the number of people who asked or assumed I'd be trying to lose weight for the wedding. I don't medically need to lose weight. Asthetically it would probably look nicer if I was a bit skinnier and more toned but I don't look fat. So I can only assume people just see it as a thing that most people do before weddings and because it's convention, that people won't get offended. I look back on my wedding pics and I'm the same weight now. I think I'd find it weird to look back at a skinnier version of myself (as I know a lot of people that go on fairly extreme crash diets beforehand and then pile it on afterwards). By all means if you fancy being a bit healthier then make some small changes now but please don't try and diet before your wedding, for the sake of your heath. It can already be a stressful time and you sound a healthy weight already so please don't feel you need to put any more pressure on yourself.

'Lose THE weight'???!!!? 'Lose weight' would have been bad enough, but somehow 'the' just piles on an extra layer of insult. What a rude cow.

I was larger than I'd have liked to be on my wedding day, and regretted it when I looked back at the photos, but if anyone had made this suggestion to me in the run-up I certainly wouldn't have welcomed it. Your size and shape are your own business, no one else's.

She does have firm for saying done pretty blunt things and is very appearance oriented. Still stung though! Thanks for making me feel a bit better.

She needs a massive lesson in minding her own business.

But op it says a lot more about her than it does you.

Off point bu.....Does your flat mate not live with her husband? Did she not invite you to the wedding?

Anyway op she sounds like a cow.

Tiny family wedding, no she doesn’t live with her husband, he hates London. Think they just wanted to make it official.

You sound a lovely size and she is bonkers - pay absolutely no attention to her!