To not bother with this group of friends anymore?

[PineappleFwitters]

I used to live in west London and about a year ago I moved to north London because I got a new job.

I have a group of friends in west London who I've known for several years, and since I moved I've been back to west London several times for their birthdays, to see one of them after she had a baby, a hen do, a wedding. They haven't made any effort to come to anything of mine - not to my housewarming and not to my birthday - but I still tried to keep in touch via phone and email.

Yesterday I saw on social media that one of them had had a birthday night out in central London over the weekend. They were all there but I wasn't invited, even though I sent the birthday girl a message on her birthday to wish her!

AIBU to not bother with them anymore?

Yes, sorry to say they don't seem as invested in you as you are in them. I would move on. It must feel horrible right now.

Out of sight, out of mind perhaps? Sorry it must of made you feel awful. I’d probably put a message on the post, looks like you made a great night ... then see what they say. But I wouldn’t contact them again, leave it to them now.

YANBU at all. You are obviously a good friend, but they don't deserve or appreciate you. Get rid and make some new friends that aren't so postcode selective. Congrats on your new job, I hope it's going well :)

Thanks @raindancemumma, it is.

I don't know why I'm always the one who makes an effort to see people but then when it's time for things I organise, they always have prior commitments or cancel at the last minute.

I'm going to delete all of them from my social media, putting up those photos when they must've known I'd see them was just thoughtless.

In think this is a classic case of out of sight out of mind. I don't think it's deliberate but you are out if the loop - still diesbr stopnit being hurtful. Another thing too and I say urnas I used to live in London - whenever someone suggested leavibg the 'inner circle' it seemed so much effort and I'd think how will I get back? Pathetic, I know. But perhaps that has soenthibf to do with it.

Can you mention to the birthday girl that you were disappointed not to be invited and how you feel no one makes an effort anymore?

I've found some people are very much out of sight out of mind people, especially if they have their own group around them and their social needs being met. I'd move on as I wouldn't expect the dynamic to change.

The thing was when I mentioned to one of them that I wasn't feeling great and I was having second thoughts about one friend's birthday party because I'd have to go back that way the next day for a hen do, she made me feel so guilty that I went on both days anyway, and then had to take a couple of days off work as I felt ill! More fool me, I know.

I feel like a lot of people are like this. They just see the people who live in the same area as them, unless the person has something special to offer eg a massive house, rich, social status, mildly famous etc. It's really odd imo but I think a lot of people just don't care that much about others unless they can get something out of them.

Definitely a case of out of site out of mind. Some fair weather friends are ok, but they are only ever temporary.

OP, this fresh start has given you the opportunity to meet new friends who are more likely to be there for you however close or far you live.

Yes, I've already started to cultivate a few new friends. It's strange as I was pretty close to this bunch or at least I thought I was. Oh well, onwards and upwards!

Definitely out of sight out of mind. It shouldn't be like that but it so often is and it's a real kick in the gut to think the friendship was that shallow.

I've started to take the approach that I'm not doing all the organising or suggesting any more because I can't help but think that it takes two and I felt as though it wasn't a balanced friendship because they were only seeing my because I asked or arranged it. It's not surprising that since I've stopped doing the asking that I've slipped off their radar.