I need to start by saying I take full responsibility for my decisions but have got into such a tricky mess I'm not sure what to do.
I've got two preschoolers DS 4 and DD 2.5 since having DD my husbands mental health issues have got much more pronounced. He does have a job which is our main income as I'm dealing with the fall out from running our own business for 2 years and doing the childcare in between the free hours we get for them.
I feel totally trapped between caring for my DH, a very self absorbed mother who isn't supportive, aging PIL who don't want to help and a house that needs modernising.
Things were going really well for us initially, we bought a house, had decent jobs then my DH lost his job when I was 8 months pregnant with DS. We moved counties so he could get a better job and rented our house out, then he lost that job when I was 6 months pregnant with DD so we came home.
It's been such a massive drain emotionally, financially and practically to just keep our heads afloat. Not surprisingly I got post natal depression and trauma (from childhood stuff) so now I'm in this situation where I feel like a total sad sack who can't sort her life out, despite the fact that I'd like to think that I'm not stupid and articulate enough to understand what's going on. I've been seeing therapists which has been great but it doesn't help with the day to day.
I'm feeling totally trapped with relationships that aren't supportive and in a really complicated situation that I've no idea how to get out of. my DH refuses to leave me/kids/house and does try but it never feels good enough (he's pretty verbally aggressive and angry about his life) and my mum says she helps me but only talks about herself. I'm not sure I want either of them in my life but I don't know how to get out of my present situation.
I'm desperate to go back to work but feel like I can't until the business stuff is clearer (just accounts to do now) and until DH is more mentally stable. I don't have many close friends as DH's issues keep us pretty socially isolated.
This is a ridiculous situation I know but my mood fluctuates between 'I can do this' and 'OMFG how did I end up here' I've now been suffering with fatigue and viruses for 2 months which I'm pretty fed up with.
AIBU for wanting to cut them out? Do I sound like a drama queen? I'm so worried I've unwittingly fallen into a 'rescuer' trap without realising it, when I actually need to help myself. I'm so worried about the impact on my children if we stay as we are. Or maybe this is normal?! Part of raising small kids and the hardships that go with it?