I have 15yo twins with my ex. He decided when they were tiny babies that family life wasn't for him and fucked off and joined the military. He regularly moaned that he was 'trapped' which was amusing as they were conceived by IVF so he didn't exactly sleepwalk through the process!
Anyway he had very little to do with them until they started school. Round about then he met his new wife and they made big efforts - I think he was trying to impress her looking back on it.
She was always friendly enough, but kept the girls very much at arms length. She refused to learn how to give my DD her epipen and wouldn't allow her in the house without her Dad there so on the weekends he was on call (many weekends) contact had to be cancelled even though he was only called in two or three times a year. Even when her twin was old enough to learn how to use the pen she still wouldn't allow it.
Ex actively excluded the girls from family events with his wife and their kids - they were too busy to look after them at his son's christening so they couldn't go, they had too many people staying for his first birthday so they couldn't go etc. Two years ago the girls went to a wedding in Italy with his parents (his Mum got in touch with me directly after he didn't organise any contact with the girls for almost a year begging to stay in touch and has since built a wonderful relationship with the girls facilitated directly between us) and he was furious as it wasn't fair on his younger kids - he was working and his wife chose not to go. Despite the fact the younger kids were just back from Australia with him (openly told the girls it was too expensive to take 5 kids so went in school time as the younger ones are only in primary!) he called the girls selfish for going when their siblings couldn't (and the grandparents offered to take/pay for the younger ones to go, but they said no).
Girls have seen him four times in two years. However, he's now left the military and split up with his wife. As a result he was being an absolute pain to the girls - constantly texting them wanting to see them after school or at weekends.
Last week he told (not asked) them that he'd collect them on Boxing day morning after collecting their siblings and they'd stay with him until the 28th. He's had a huge rant to them because they've said no because they are already going to their grandparents (his parents - he's never spoken to them since the Italy trip) which they do every year. He's never asked for them over Christmas.
He text me with a long rant about how unfair it is, and because I know what he's like I've replied very simply that it's up to the girls what they choose to do. But fucking hell I just wanted to let rip!!! I won't because it wouldn't help the girls any, but I really, really wish I could just tell him what a shit father he has been and that if he'd actually ASKED them they'd have said no as they like seeing their cousins, but they would probably have been happy that he'd thought of them. Instead they're fuming at his rudeness and assumptions.
Honestly. I got that man so fucking wrong all those years ago and those poor girls have got the brunt of his shitty behaviour over the years.
Does anyone else have that conversation in their head or is that just me?!