To allow ex to just walk in my home

[Scottishbird25]

My daughter is 17. I’ve been divorced for ten years. This afternoon , not for the first time, she came back from seeing him and they just walked into my home and up to her room to see her dog.
I don’t want my daughter to think I’m being hostile. But this is my home where in the first few years we were apart he used to push his way in and shout at me. I have always tried to be as open and respectful of him as I can, and invited him for a bit of Christmas Day or birthdays, especially when they were young. I don’t say negative things about him to my daughter. But I am feeling so angry about him just walking in ( past my new partner) and going upstairs. Should I just put up and shut up for my daughter s sake or should I say something. I am very very bad at confronting him as he was emotionally abusive to me and I can still get in a bit of a state. I don’t want any anger or to cause any problems.

On the one hand, she lives there and has invited him in. So not exactly just walking in.

On the other hand there is back story which makes you v uncomfortable with this and it is your home. Plus walking past your partner is v rude.

I think your dd is old enough for your to sit her down and explain why this is not ok foe you. Not by running down hee Dad but just saying "I don't feel comfortable with it" . If she's reasonable she will get it!

If it was just him on his own then you can absolutely stop him coming in. As he’s there ‘as a guest’ of your DD it’s probably harder to say anything without it seeming petty.

My ex always knocks (door is the type you need a key to open) and is very respectful of the fact this isn’t his house anymore. However if my kids want to show him something upstairs I’m happy with that.

Does your DD know that he used to be nasty and controlling when entering your house? Was it his home before you split or is it a new place?

Erm fuck that shit.
Tell your DD he’s not welcome them back that up to him.
Piss taker.

He didn't just walk into your home. He was with his DD who lives there.

He walked into your safe space.

Pardon the French ..........Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

He didn't just walk into your house though. He was invited and escorted by your DD.

I understand OP. My ex is the same and I hate it too. Very hard to say anything tho without getting gaslighted and called a control freak or whatever.

She’s old enough for you to explain to her you do not want him in your house and why.

It’s your house. You have very valid reasons to not allow him entry or your home.

Would he let you breeze into his home because your dd wanted to show you something there?

Just tell your DD you don’t want it to happen anymore because it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Or just start dropping DD to his and walking in and out of his house as you please

Next time you drop her off at his house, just go in with her...

HE should have more respect than to just walk in, he should say to DD ‘You need to ask your Mum if it’s ok if I come in’.

...but clearly he’s a twat, so he won’t, so tell DD that HE has to ask YOU if he can come in. Tell her it’s about respect for your privacy. Explain you wouldn’t just walk into his house without asking HIM .

How often is this happening?

Surely, it's just good manners for your daughter to just say "hi, we're back. Is it ok if I take Dad up to my room to meet the dog?" - whether it's her Dad, best friend or boyfriend.

Thanks for the feed back, it really helped. It is my own home and not the old family home. I agree with MumW that my daughter should just say ‘is it ok...etc’
I’m steeling myself to discuss this with her. 😊