to ask my partner to slow down?

[Chocaholic27]

I'm in my final year of university and my partner is 2 years older. We've been together for 5 years and I love him dearly. He has a great job and has recently been saying how he wants to get married quickly after I graduate next summer and then start trying for a baby soon after.
I do see myself marrying and having children with him, just not quite so quickly. I want time to focus on my career first.
I'm worried about breaking his heart by telling him I'm not quite ready for all of that yet. Or maybe these days it is better to have children early and then focus on your career afterwards? Or is that me just trying to talk myself into it?!

Tell him how you feel about it

You could do this crazy thing called communicate with him...

Haha, I know! and it seems mad that I haven't properly told him how I really feel. It's just I'm a 'people pleaser' and I'm so worried about hurting his feelings.

Don't get married and have babies just to please him. Ffs. Learn to be assertive

Tell him. His feelings might be a bit hurt. But your feelings are equally important. Your desire NOT to get pregnant is always more important than someone else's desire for you to be pregnant (otherwise we enter Handmaid's Tale territory).

It's better to talk now than calling off the wedding 2 days before (one of my friends), terminating a pregnancy in secret (another friend), or end up exhausted in your early thirties with 4 kids and having never really had your twenties the way everyone else seemed to. That last one is me and my husband. He's a good man, I love our kids and things could have been much worse. But doing it over again, I'd definitely have some years before kids first to focus on my career, travel, spend a bit of cash on things I didn't truly need - before having to step straight into the world of grownups.

I wish that someone had told 20 year old me that my feelings were equally as important as his wishes and those of my family. It will be a tricky conversation, but if he loves you and is a good guy, he will respect both your wishes and your honesty.

Communication and compromise - that is what marriage is all about. Best start now I think!!

@Stuckforthefourthtime just want to say I was you 10 years ago, now i am so glad I had my kids 'young' - my career has taken off in the past 5 years, we're almost at the end of our mortgage and life is sweet, nice holidays and time.

Ok, it sounds like I need to be brave and talk to him about it! I just hate hurting anyone’s feelings. Fingers crossed it goes okay.

A cautionary tale here. We waited because it wasn't the right time. Then when it was, we massively struggled with fertility and only had our DC after years trying and IVF. If I could go back I'd get married and have my kids young, if I felt I was with the right partner.
Careers are great, but not at the cost of a family.

Thanks Petitprince, that is definitely something to think about. I was sexually assaulted by a family member when I was 15 which resulted in a pregnancy and consequently an abortion. I remember being devastated at the time and thinking 'what if this is my only chance to have children'. As much as I want to have a successful career I would definitely prefer to have a family (so long as I can afford to provide for them, of course).