To ask for a handhold - anxiety through the roof about something really silly

[AveAtqueVale]

Basically I’m going to be 15 minutes late for a tutorial meeting with a friend and a very senior person at our uni.

He’s offering these tutorials for people who want a bit of extra help with something specific. We arranged to go yesterday afternoon and I had to cancel as the trains weren’t running and I wouldn’t be home in time to pick kids up. Rearranged for this morning at 11 and then my husband broke his toe, so I had to take kids to school and childminder then drop him at A&E as toe was three times the size it should be, at a wonky angle and turning black. Then I raced to the train station but couldn’t park, and eventually abandoned my car in a residents only space so will be going back to a parking ticket later. Missed my train anyway and am now on another one that doesn’t even get into London until 11.05, and then it’ll take me ten minutes on the tube. I know this seems ridiculous and logically I just need to apologise, weather his possible slight tetchiness, and crack on. Instead I keep going over everything in my head, why didn’t I send DH in a taxi, why didn’t I drive to a different station, why didn’t I just go yesterday and arrange for FIL to pick up the kids. My heart is pounding and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears. Having a very bad time mental health-wise at the moment but can usually keep on top of it. This is ridiculous and I don’t know why I’m having such a flail! Any advice to help get it together in the next 25 minutes would be great!

Hey op try and just take a minute and gather yourself. From how it sounds you've had quite a hectic morning but many of the things have been out of your control which in turn is what leads to stress and anxiety. Just remember you are doing the best you can with the situation in hand. It's done now and you can't change what's already happened so it's useless going over it in your head. Try not to stress too much on your way to your meeting. Just call ahead apologise and say you are going to be a bit late, I'm sure they will understand.

🤝 xx

Can you text in advance and say you are running late because of trains etc. That way they won't be sitting getting cross, they can have a coffee or something and just wait for you. I think that's the best you can do - just let them know.

I think it's obvious when someone is messing you about and when they've genuinely had a tough time getting there on time and are apologetic. Imagine how you would respond if it was the other way round. You'd probably completely understand and think no more about it.

Uni tutor here - this is 100% and they will think nothing of it. If you say you had an unexpected trip to A&E, they will more than understand! Even if you don't want to share that, it's really fine.

It's great if you can email/phone to explain beforehand, so they don't end up waiting around - that's always helpful. Otherwise - totally normal occupational hazard - happens every day!

*100% normal

Hey,
Just want you to know that I get like this ALL the time!! You've just got to think to yourself, it is happening, there is nothing I can do to change it so let's just breathe and move on.
I know that's easier said than done, but honestly being anxious on the journey isn't going to get you there any quicker - if anything, it'll cause a hold up! (I know I get more jittery when anxious)

Good luck at the meeting, I'm sure your friend and tutor will understand.

I saw someone say on here recently - will it matter in five hours, five weeks, five years? Or something like that. I didn't think much of it at the time but it keeps running through my head in situations like yours. This won't matter in 5 hours let alone 5 weeks, and you will get through that time.

Also, jot saying you do this but just in cas, try and avoid going on at length about why you're late. I do that and it makes me feel loads worse like I'm making excuses and my life is chaotic, plus it kind of makes you later as everyone has to wade through your reasons first . Just say a sincere "I'm so sorry I'm late" and leave it at that.

It will be fine and this evening you'll be snuggled up in bed with it all behind you

And I’m fairly sure my friend is pissy with me as she wasn’t going to come in today if we hadn’t had to rearrange so I’ve already messed her around too. She has read my message but not responded. Argh. I feel like such a flaky useless mess.

Just don't worry about that it's only 15 mins after all I'm sure she will survive 😉 at least you've let them know beforehand and that's all you can do x

Thank you for the calming words of wisdom. I don’t know why I’m having such an overreaction to this. Have messaged friend and emailed tutor to forewarn him. It will be fine I’m sure. Although I now think I didn’t lock the car. Ffs.

@AveAtqueVale

Sorry should add. You are juggling uni, kids and a clumsy husband?!

That is an an achievement in itself, so well done and don't worry about being a little late.

Ps - don't worry, you locked the car!!

You’ve told them you will be late. You’ve explained and apologised. You’ll explain and apologies in person when you get there. People understand.

The main thing now is not to get so flustered by being late that you don’t take advantage of the opportunity of having this meeting. Stop thinking about being late and start going through your mental list of the questions you want to ask, points to discuss, etc. Concentrate on the meeting substance - that is what matters, and what will demonstrate what a hard working, focussed student you are.