DD (4!!) and her boyfriend

[Snappymcsnappy]

Quite prepared to be told I am being silly, over sensitive, precious etc etc but how would you feel about this?

My DD (4) has a little boyfriend at school who says he loves her.
Very cute.
He fed her a smartie chocolate and declared his love for her in front of my husband ‘this is my girlfriend and I love her’
Still very cute.
Apparently they cuddle a lot.
Still think this is very cute.

Now, here is where I start to feel a little uncomfortable..
she told me tonight that her boyfriend, remember they are four, likes to kiss her and she likes to kiss him back.
Slowly.
She made a point of telling me they kiss slowly not fast and they tilt their heads.
She said it is inappropriate to tilt their heads because this is how grown ups do it but she does it anyway.

Apparently this happens in the classroom and the teacher doesn’t know?

I just feel a bit uncomfortable.
Like it goes beyond ‘normal’ 4 year old behaviour?
I know it’s not abusive or anything but I am just a bit worried about what exactly the other little boy is seeing to behave like this as it seems very ‘mature’?

I don’t know whether to discuss it with the teacher or see how it progresses?

I'd be more worried about snotty little noses and the spreading of colds, TBH!

I'm sure she didn't say 'inappropriate,' but what did she say? Does it seem she's uncomfortable, or enjoying thinking it's a bit naughty?

I'd be inclined to go with plenty of brisk 'I hope you don't get [boy's name]'s cold then'.

But I agree with earlier posters that it's surely just something he has seen and not necessarily a big deal.

My DP used to kiss a little girl at 4. They were just copying kids films.

And if you encourage tiny kids to think of girlfriends/boyfriends, they will do things like this. I don't like the talk of this, but it is pretty harmless.

busybarbara my thinking is actually that the little boy is seeing people snogging/watching films too old for him and will start trying to properly snog her or pet her and I don’t want my little girl sexualised like that..
it’s not about trying to make them out to be perverts.
What an odd thing to think.
Obviously they have no ‘real’ understanding.

And she absolutely did say inappropriate!
It is a word she heard from me and DH and uses it a lot to describe things that kids can’t do.
Swear words for instance she will describe as inappropriate .

You see people snogging all over the place. Doesn't have to be on the TV or films (although there is plenty of snogging in the soaps even). In the street etc, or parents.So that's a bit of an assumption he is watching stuff too old for him.

I can't imagine a 4 year old calling swearing (or tilting heads) 'inappropriate'. Swearing was 'naughty' in this house at that age.

My ds says he loves his best girl friends and would like to marry them. He has never refererred to them as girlfriends or mentioned kissing.
Last week he told me school has a no kissing rule because a little boy in his class kept kissing him. He said he didn't mind, the boy must have really liked him. But he knows now you can't kiss in school.

At 4 and 5 my DS said he loved various classmates and then at 7 he and a girl were inseparable. I wasn't really dating somehow. Just this week he now has a girlfriend - he's a teenager and I still think he's too young, kinda

go into the nursery or school and ask them to put an end to this right now.

When my dd was same age and in pre-K, there was a similar thing going on (well not the kissing) - loads of talk about boyfriends and who was going to marry who etc. The nursery teachers stopped it dead - just said talking about boyfriends and girlfriends wasn't allowed, we were all friends. Parents were asked to do the same at home and it died out.

My DS loves kissing his friends and would often do it on the lips. Nursery talked to the class and explained that if you want to kiss your friends you ask first and then do it on the cheeks because kissing on the lips passes over germs. It worked a treat and now he’ll only kiss on the cheek if his friends have said ok.

Sorry I don't think any of it is cute. I'd be telling them that they're not allowed to kiss or cuddle. They're friends and that's it.

Are you sure this is actually happening though & it’s not her over active imagination / make believe?

I just find it really odd that they’re slow kissing in class & the teacher is continually missing it. Surely their classmates must be seeing it going on & would tell the teacher as well? My favourite line at that age was “uuuummmmm, I’m telling” or do kids not say that anymore! It would be more believable if it was happening in the playground.

Snogging is in PG films so I wouldn't be too concerned about where they are seeing it. It's probably a way for them to replicate adult behaviour and play at being grown up. I would speak to your DD about relationships and what makes a good boyfriend. I would emphasise that persuading someone to do things isnt nice for a boyfriend or girlfriend to do. Also discuss how you can show affection in a more age appropriate way I.e kind words and compliments.

I would probably have a quiet word with the teacher. A 5/6 yr old boy at DC's school, was unfortunately watching inappropriate films at home (18s), and that was affecting his behaviour with the girls. It was very sad.

I also don't like the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

This doesn't sound normal to me at all. I'd speak to the teacher and massively discourage it

While it is possible tinkety she isn’t really the lying sort.
She is a very very honest child and my DH saw the little boy feeding her chocolate, in fact, the little boy told my DH very confidently himself that she was his girlfriend and he loves her!
So, no, I think it is unlikely she is lying.

I’d definitely speak to the school - my girl is in reception and they’ve done the NSPCC talk on pants - rules about people not touching you or your underwear sort of thing - and they are very clear about the rules too, kissing is not allowed.