DSS Christmas Presents

[clairehr]

Just looking to see what the general consensus is on the following:

Have been with DP for 2.5 years, we live together, and are expecting a child. He is divorced and has two sons from the marriage (amicable-ish breakdown). We have DSS once every week and alternate weekends and we get on well. Ex wife is also in a relationship for same period of time and the boys also get on with him, although they do not live together or see him as often.

The question: Am I being unreasonable to want to buy some Christmas presents for the kids from myself and DP? Not main presents (these will come from Santa (mum and dad which I 100% agree with), just small bits and pieces to keep at ours preferably as they don't bring toys etc with them when they visit ours, but obviously could be taken to mum's as well. I could very well just buy these from me alone, but would prefer them to come from us both as a team. Is it stepping on toes to do so?

It wouldn't happen any other way surely? What makes you think that's unreasonable? You live with the dad and are in a commited relationship. Id find it more odd if you didn't.

It depends on how they usually do Xmas.

Do Mum and Dad usually give presents or is everything from Santa?

It is sad that you don't feel able to give a gift to a child at Christmas without the thought of stepping on someone's toes. It is a gift from his dad and you, all the politics shouldn't come into it. Kids should know that they get gifts at Christmas from people so they can thank them. Go ahead and buy him a present, although get your dp to ask his ex so you don't duplicate gifts.

Lovely idea, I can’t see anyone having a problem with this

How old are they?

My partner’s son is 12, he gets Christmas presents from my partner and I and then from his mum and family on her side. However he is old enough not to believe in Santa.

Thank you all.

To answer the questions:

Their mum and dad get them presents from both of them, and the main ones come from Santa. I wholeheartedly agree with how this is done and feel it's super important for mum and dad to be a strong parenting team throughout.

The children are and 5 and 9 and are very well adjusted to mum and dad being divorced, as well as each having a new partner.

I'm asking opinions as ex wife not happy about there potentially being presents from myself and DP together. I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable to want to do it that way and missing something that would make it 'wrong' or out of order. Will try and discuss again if allowed and try and find out more of reasoning behind it.

Do you get on okay with their mum?
You are in no way obligated to do this but if you are amicable then maybe drop her a line and just say I'd like to get DSS this for Christmas, how do you think would be best to do it?
That way you're not stepping on any toes when it comes to possible family traditions you're not aware of and you can only come out of it looking good!

@RosieLancs We get on ok yes. Have discussed Christmas lists with both DP and her to enable us to split what was being bought by family so as to avoid duplicates. This was when I raised joint presents from myself and DP (small things that aren't actually on the list) but it wasn't received well and wouldn't discuss why.