Lending baby equipment

[ohbabybabybabyoh]

Would you lend baby equipment (bassinet/soft baby seats) etc to someone you didn't know? DH & I are in the process of trying for another baby & have been asked by a family member to lend their friend's niece (who has just had a baby) our things (we don't know them & they don't know the niece either). I don't know what to do as I don't want to end up having to replace things if they're damaged/not sure how I feel about using soft items after someone I don't know has done so. We've loaned things to close friends with younger babies so I have no issue helping people we know out but not sure about someone we don't know. What would you do?

I really don't want to upset our family member but if there's no issue with reusing this kind of thing, equally don't want to cause issues by saying no.

Nope!

I’d lend to a good friend/close family member. Beyond that no I wouldn’t lend as you’ve no idea if you’d see this stuff again and as you’re trying to conceive why should you have to rebuy if you don’t get it back in a useable state/at all.

Nope I wouldn’t. It is your stuff that you will want to reuse. You’ll have no idea what she’s like or even whether she’s a smoker/has pets/will take care of it etc. Once I’m finished, I’ll happily give away my things if someone needs them but I wouldn’t be having third hand things for my second child for a stranger. What on Earth is your family member doing offering out your things to someone totally random?

No that’s just bibarre. Just say no.

Just say you’re hoping to have more children in the future so you really need to keep hold of things. Or if you don’t want to just say sorry no.

Er, just say no.

You don't know them; you may need them; stuff might get damaged.

Just tell them no, you don't lend important things to random strangers.

What would you do?

Also, if your family member gets "upset".... just turn it back on them.

"Why do you think it was appropriate to offer or expect us to give away our stuff to people we don't know?"
"Why would you think to offer strangers our belongings?"
"What on earth gave you the idea we'd be comfortable to let you offer our things to people we've never met?"

And keep repeating - turn it back on them and make them see what a stupid cheeky request this is.

Does your family member know you're trying for another baby? As I'd just use that as an excuse- oh, we're planning to start using them again asap so don't want to mess about'

No, I wouldn't lend to strangers.

Absolutely not.

And who offers out things that belong to other people, that is plain rude!

Nope. How rude of the family member. Not their place to arrange for you to loan your items.

Another no. If they are not finished with it when you need it, or get rid of it because they don't want it and don't feel any loyalty to you to give it back, I would be very angry. And with the best will in the world- she's had 9 months to prepare. The lack of preparation would give me alarm bells that I'd never see my stuff again.

Definitely not. Maybe your family don't realise how expensive your stuff is. Cheeky of them if they've already offered it.

Just say you’re keeping it for future children. It’s your stuff you don’t have to lend it to anyone.

Who cares if they get upset? It’s your stuff, and they’re not afraid of asking you. The niece has had months to get things.

No chance. You'll end up having to replace it. Also, how would you get in touch with these people to say you needed the stuff back? So, so cheeky.

Er no. You don’t know them, so why would you?

No chance. CFery of the highest order.

@Eilaianne it's my MIL so I don't want to make things awkward at all! I feel really awkward and awful saying no.

@chesirecat They know we are planning more children as we've had discussions about it in the past so that excuse isn't an end to it

ohbabybabybabyoh but your MIL had no qualms about introducing awkwardness by asking a bizarre thing. You're accepting that you have to do something to avoid discomfort she is responsible for introducing. Do you always take on the discomfort of other people's problems/cheeky fuckery/unreasonable expectations?

Not trying to offend but a lot of women I know (and i used to be one of them) take on ownership of whatever crap people throw at them. You can choose not to.

I had a few issues at work last year after a massive promotion and my new manager at the time sent me this link: www.pocketbook.co.uk/blog/2018/03/27/monkey-management/

might be worth a shot, as although i had my "lightbulb moment" in a work context, sounds similar to what you're doing.

She’s not worried about making you feel awkward though is she.

sorry this is the original (longer) link for those of you interested in getting those "monkeys" off your back hbr.org/1999/11/management-time-whos-got-the-monkey

The other link is a shorter, easier to digest version which is probably just as good but not as interesting.

OP, give that monkey back to your MIL!

“I lent my stuff about before and not everything came back so I’m not lending it out until we are done with children”

No chance. Just say to MIL that you will hopefully be using them yourself.

Does she know you're not finished having dc?

No chance. I've lent stuff to my sils but most of the baby clothes (if I even got them back) are now stained. I knew that was likely so didn't lend things I definitely wanted to use again.

Your MIL has probably made promises on your behalf and will now need to backtrack.

With baby stuff in general I don’t think you lend, you buy, you give or you sell!

Not a hope in hell! Mil is only even offering out your stuff to make herself look good, fuck that shit