AIBU to want DH to stay home? Perspective please

[wiccamum]

Bit of a long one, but I need a fresh pair of eyes on this, as don’t know if I am BU or not.
A few weeks ago DH volunteers us to take care of DMiLs and SiLs dogs (one each) while they go away for a weekend. We have two dogs, so for one weekend we will have four. No problem as they all get on and we love our dogs.
I have sadly had a family bereavement, sudden and in unclear circumstances. It has left me devastated and I am struggling to get my head around it. DH has been a rock, so I can’t complain. Now I find out the funeral is the same day as our dog sitting stint begins. Not a problem as I will only be away for one day...but will be bringing my “D” mother back for a few days to stay with us after the funeral. I have mentioned mother before. She’s bloody hard work and we’ve had our differences in the past...let’s just say the Stately Homes thread is my friend!!
Now here’s the AIBU bit. DH tells me that he now wants to meet up with some old friends for a Xmas get together...on that weekend! He doesn’t see these friends very often and I NEVER dictate when he can socialise, I’m not like that. I really don’t want to stop him going but i asked him to try to find another date. He says he can’t, it’s the only time they are all free.
If he goes then he goes, I don’t feel I can stop him. But it will leave me with wailing DM (with her post funeral dramatics), four dogs and dd to look after and no help. Am I BU to ask him to change the date? Or do I just suck it up?

Good that he explained and they changed It!!

I was also wondering if they could meet in a dog friendly pub so the dogs can go too. But obviously you've dealt with it already

He's got a good set of mates there though!

Sorry for your loss Wicca

I have had years of counselling due to my NPD mother so I understand. It's good that DH will be there to support you.

However, do bear in mind that you will have FOUR dogs to take for walks whilst she is there. Maybe you can contrive a situation where you can't take them all out together and you can be out and about a lot of the time? Might give you much needed head space time. Good luck.

Tell your husband you can't cope, or tell your mother she can't stay, or you need help .. It is reality, its nothing to do with being unreasonable or reasonable.

I wouldnt ask him to change the date, I would ask sil and mil to get dog sitters in due to the bereavement, surely they will understand

I like dogs (as do you by sounds of it) but a very sad circumstance is now in play and arrangements must be changed or your DH stays home too .

YANBU at all in my view.

So sorry for your sudden loss too OP.

However, do bear in mind that you will have FOUR dogs to take for walks whilst she is there. Maybe you can contrive a situation where you can't take them all out together and you can be out and about a lot of the time? Might give you much needed head space time. Good luck.

Yes, I thought that too. Hope it all goes okay

I can’t believe DH didn’t even tell his mates why was going on! Because the moment he did finally explain, they all agreed to change the date.
Yes Happypoobum, you are right, I know I need to take care of myself. Long dog walks in order I think.
Well, if any of you hear on the news of a woman in the West Midlands, running through the streets with a pack of small dogs, having strangled her mother then you
know who it will be 😕

Your DH has a lovely bunch of mates. So glad you've had a happy resolution to your problem.