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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Friends

5 replies

astralflower · 18/11/2018 21:33

So this might be quite long and a bit of a ramble but I’ll get to the point.

I’ve been friends with my two good friends for nearly 10 years now, we’d gone to secondary school together but never spoke properly until we all went to the same college and found we had a lot of the same interests. We’ve had tears, laughter, arguments, you name it in those years, and we’ve always found that we’ve gotten stronger and stronger. We’ve always been called the unlikely friends because nobody would’ve expected to put us together.

So, a few weeks ago, I sent a little invite in our group chat inviting them to a mini Christmas friendship party in December as we don’t get to see each other that often anymore what with work, boyfriends, etc, so any break we have that we can see each other is important to us. We’d have great food and I’d cater for them, we’d put on our fanciest Christmas dresses and we’d enjoy cocktails and have some fun. I suggested this, wondering if it would become a tradition for years to come, or at least hoping it would. And I sent the invitations early enough knowing that we could put it in our diaries and know that was going to be our time together before the mad rush of Christmas comes along.

As I sent the invite, one of them replied straight away saying she was excited and definitely up for it, whereas my other friend took hours to reply and then said she’d bring her own food consisting of super noodles. So I laughed it off albeit feeling a little stung as I’d planned to make a Christmas lunch/dinner for us with a starter, main, and dessert.

I’ve been researching and planning recipes as we all have dietary requirements, buying decorations for it, etc, as I want it to be special. This year has been quite tough for me and so all I want is to enjoy each other’s company, have great food and drink and exchange presents in a way that’s different to our usual drop off, cup of tea and a natter before we leave and then see each other in the new year.

So here comes the now, one of my friends (the one who had hopefully joked about bringing super noodles round to eat instead) messaged asking whether we were going to meet up before Christmas and drop presents off or just meet in the new year. So our other friend messaged saying that she’s been thinking about having a friend Christmas party at hers where we’d have dinner, drinks, etc, all of which sounding very familiar and similar to what I’d invited them to. I messaged back asking whether they remembered me inviting them to the same thing, to which one of them said they did but forgot that it was me who asked them, and the other one (super noodle) said that she wasn’t that bothered about it and that she’d rather us just hang out without her making much of an effort.

AIBU to feel hurt? Am I expecting too much of them?

Extra Info: I must also include that throughout the years, it has always been two against one (them against me) most of the time when it comes to plans, always forgetting things that I’ve planned for us to do, or cancelling at the last minute, or not being interested in anything I want to do but if the other one suggests the same thing then it’s great, and I’d hoped that would’ve changed by now.I know that sounds a little childish that I’m expecting them to want to do things that I’m passionate about or really want to do but I’m always up for things they suggest and plan.

Thanks so much in advance.

OP posts:
Dorabean · 18/11/2018 21:42

It doesn't sound like super noodle friend would have to make much effort anyway as you're doing it all? She sounds ungrateful, especially as you sound like a nice person wanting to do something nice like that for your friends.

NancyDonahue · 18/11/2018 22:12

Yanbu. Your plan sounds lovely, op. And you sound lovely! I wish someone would invite me to something like that.

spellinghell · 18/11/2018 22:18

You sound like a great person to have as a friend.... but you're maybe more invested than they are. Maybe try to look for some new friends?

Birdsgottafly · 18/11/2018 22:59

I agree that they aren't as invested in your friendship as you are.

They don't value you, or your time/effort, as they should. I'd say it's now moving to a casual acquaintance thing.

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 19/11/2018 10:58

They don't sound like very good friends nor deserving of your planning efforts. I'd stop trying to make plans with them.

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