Mum shaming

[crushedstrawberries]

I'm not sure if this is in the wrong place so apologies if it is.

So today I was mum shamed for bottle feeding my DS. I was on a bench outside my local Tesco feeding him while an elderly lady set next to me. We were having polite chit chat, how old your baby is...yada yada... What she just blurted out something along the lines of 'if you bottle feed him, it'll damage his brain and he won't achieve anything in his life' I didn't know what to say to this lady. I just nodded in stunned silence.

I appreciate that breastfeeding is the best for your baby but what she doesn't know is that my DS has issues with latching onto my breast making breast feeding nearly impossible. I have instead been expressing breast milk and giving that to him in a bottle.

I don't know what I really wanted from this thread apart from venting as it's been circling in my head since this morning.

Has anyone else been mum shamed for something completely absurd?

[StealthPolarBear]

In fact it's probably on a par with mashed up rusk.
Even as an adult I do love a rusk. Comfort food. Though I can suck them myself now.

[Wolfiefan]

When we bought our pup home she was on rusks and a special milk. as well as dog food.
I also remember smashed up banana sandwiches. Maybe with added sugar? Grated cheese and grated raw carrot
Was a favourite.
Mind you this was in the era of Smash and Angel Delight. And people think fruit shoots and Pom bears are the work of the devil!

[Frlrlrubert]

People comment of everything when you have children. I did BF DD, so I got 'when are you going to stop', 'you'll have to stop when she gets teeth', 'surely you're not still breast feeding', etc.

I was breastfed, until 8 months, and then weaned - onto Horlicks apparently! (In 1985)

People will also comment on how you transport them (buggy/carrier), where, when, and how they sleep, dummy or no dummy, the list is endless.

Perfect your 'off you fuck' face or have answers at the ready. 'It is breast milk actually' would have done, or possibly 'I couldn't breastfeed due to x y z' either the truth or something to make them feel awful for judging like a horrible illness, or even 'DC is actually adopted'.

I've never actually told strangers lies, but sometimes I think I should have to make them think. What if you were bottle feeding due to double mastectomy?

[Givemeallyourcucumber]

You are only put out because you probably agree. You wished you were breast feeding. You are not. You feel guilty. Lady tells you you are doing it wrong. You feel put down but only because you think, yes I do believe breast is best.

Otherwise you would shake it off and go home thinking she was rude and then get on with your life.

You feel offended because you wish you were breastfeeding and have been forced to bottle feed which is not what you wanted.

[StealthPolarBear]

You seriously think the op believes bottle feeding damages her child's brain?

[BalthazarImpresario]

'remind me when I asked for your input'

That should shut her up.

I was 20 when Dc1 was born (looked younger) and was admonished by an old lady (want even feeding them at the time) I said that it was formula or he died so I'll take the formula thanks.
I cried later but not in front of that old hag.

[TheBigFatMermaid]

I am a gobby bitch, so would have said 'You have no fucking clue about what we have gone through to get here, so fuck off with your unwanted, unasked for opinion'.

My DD was born my EMCS, rushed to a hospital 50 miles away on her own. I tried to pump, but nothing came, I tried to BF, but nothing came! I would have embarrassed her so much she would never do it to anyone again!

[StealthPolarBear]

We know that the majority of women who stop feeding before 6 months wanted to carry on. So why do some stupid people assume its choice. Even if it was any of their business which it isn't.

[MammaSchwifty]

I must have one hard bitch face, no one has ever made any comments to me regarding how I'm raising my baby!

Maybe look less friendly and the batty random will leave you alone.

[Sipperskipper]

‘Fuck off you nosey old cunt.’

That should do it.

[Blueblueyellow]

Op if she was elderly she probably have been in the era of formula feeding or even food and cows milk after a few weeks.Not trying to jump to conclusions but she could have alzeimers/dementia.It can make people say some strange things.

[Sipperskipper]

givemeyourall what an odd suggestion. Not everyone is desperate to breastfeed. I’d have been offended by that and I loved formula feeding!

[BathFullOfEels]

It’s not shaming ffs. It’s a complete random telling you shit. Just smile and nod and get on with your day. Don’t waste time worrying what complete strangers may think of you.

[TeddyIsaHe]

Ooh I’ve been horribly shamed for feeding dd. She’s 22 months now and still bf (how many 22 month olds have cows milk?! Why is it any different?) but we don’t do it out anymore after one absolute cow gobbed off at me for feeding dd just after she’s fallen over and skinned her knee at about 18 months. Still makes me furious thinking about it now.

[crushedstrawberries]

I know I should brush it off but I feel like I'm trying to do my best like all mums are but whatever I do, I'm doing something horrendously wrong in someone's eyes. I'm just going to have to grow a thicker skin

[Birdsgottafly]

The saying "a Mother's place is in the wrong" didn't come from nowhere.

You do have to learn to ignore.

"I was breastfed, until 8 months, and then weaned - onto Horlicks apparently!"

I had my first in 1985 and when I used to say I was continuing BF, post 6 months, lots of people suggested giving Horlicks as a sleep aid, instead of a feed.

[donquixotedelamancha]

Oh god must every comment from a nosy member of the public, be labeled as 'something shaming'?

Stop shame shaming the OP :-)

Nah, go ahead, it's a bloody stupid expression. You were criticised not shamed OP. Apparently by an idiot if they actually said this:

if you bottle feed him, it'll damage his brain and he won't achieve anything in his life

If you really do feel ashamed because of what some stranger (who probably isn't very well) said, then you need to ask yourself why.

[ninecoronas]

A man on the bus asked me if my baby was a boy or a girl. Girl, I told him. "Then you should dress her in pink," he snapped crossly, "otherwise how am I supposed to know?" And stomped off.

Soz, random bus geezer, will make sure I dress her properly for you next time!

[Monty27]

I may have had a few words to say to that opinionated person. It probably wouldn't have been pleasant either.
OP don't listen to critics.

[Bringbackbertha]

Was out at a big Christmas market today with my family and dd who is 16 months. We were in one of the fixtures set up to serve food and variety of drinks mainly alcoholic. Lovely person singing and playing guitar. Wondering atmosphere. Sunday, sunny day so loads of families out enjoying the market and feeling festive.

Inside this fixture my dd wanted to toddle about so had her reigns on and she was just exploring the open space and trying to escape out the entrance, as I picked her up to get her out the way a woman pushed past stating loudly that she wasn't going to stay because there were too many children about..... bearing in mind this structure was set up next to Santa's grotto and a family activity.

I apologised for wanting to go out with my child.....

I now don't know why I apologised......

[HaggisMuncher]

I was biscuit shamed last week when my four year old proudly showed another little boy his bourbon biscuit and asked if he had biscuits like that at home. His mum answered that they only had them on very special occasions. They're utility biscuits in our house...

[Shazafied]

@givemeallyourcucumber
There’s always one isn’t there !! Sod off.

[Monty27]

If you don't judge you can't be judged.
Just take others into consideration, not everyone loves children. Especially when they're not their own.
Manners helps.

[Bromeliad]

I got told I was disgusting for breastfeeding my four month old in an airport last week. I shrugged, people are idiots.

[whatsthetimemisterwolf]

I have breastfeed both my children until they were 2,and have been told that it was wrong,eg:
'You need to stop that now so you can have some time to yourself!" - a friend
'You need to stop breastfeeding so you can go out more.I am sick of seeing my son go out alone' - my MIL (for the record,he is 44 and perfectly capable of a night out without me!)
'There is absolutely no benefit in breastfeeding over the age of 6 months' - a friend
'What you should do is stop feeding when the first tooth comes through'- my mother
'You need to stop now or she will be still feeding at school' - my mother
'Grandma said your milk is just for little babies' - my daughter,about my MIL

I should add neither child ever took a bottle of expressed milk,they would only have it from the breast.My children are now 4 and 2 and I am glad I persevered but at the time all these comments were said,it really shook me and I wondered if my choice was wrong.

Which brings me to my point - long winded,I apologise!

From one mum to another,you do you.

Try not to let the words of others shake you.Some people will always find something to criticise,and this is a greater reflection on them than you.

PS.I was bottle fed,have a degree with a double major,2 postgraduate diplomas,a professional job I enjoy,exercise frequently,have amazing relationships in my life and am open minded.

Breast or formula will not determine your son's future!

Just keep loving him and practise a withering look to give meddling and judgemental plonkers!