Mum shaming

[crushedstrawberries]

I'm not sure if this is in the wrong place so apologies if it is.

So today I was mum shamed for bottle feeding my DS. I was on a bench outside my local Tesco feeding him while an elderly lady set next to me. We were having polite chit chat, how old your baby is...yada yada... What she just blurted out something along the lines of 'if you bottle feed him, it'll damage his brain and he won't achieve anything in his life' I didn't know what to say to this lady. I just nodded in stunned silence.

I appreciate that breastfeeding is the best for your baby but what she doesn't know is that my DS has issues with latching onto my breast making breast feeding nearly impossible. I have instead been expressing breast milk and giving that to him in a bottle.

I don't know what I really wanted from this thread apart from venting as it's been circling in my head since this morning.

Has anyone else been mum shamed for something completely absurd?

[DinosApple]

Op when my mum had her first in 1979 the midwife in the hospital told her to stop trying to BF my brother as he would end up brain damaged .

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I come from a long line of formula fed babies and we've all done alright. What matters is all our mum's did their best in the given circumstances.

[ethelfleda]

It's funny how no one's ever told my OH that he's a terrible dad for giving him a bottle of formula

Oh I know.... Dad changes one nappy and he’s ‘hands on’ !!

[ethelfleda]

Besides, I was breast fed for 6 months and I’m thick as fuck!

[EssentialHummus]

“That is none of your business.” (Or, “Thanks for your opinion” if you’re feeling generous.)

[ethelfleda]

Meh
I was hat shamed when DS was little. He was in the sling all wrapped up and I got told off by a random woman for not putting a hat on him

I’ve been pick up shamed by my mom for picking up and cuddling my son too much

Food pouch shamed for feeding him the odd Ella’s pouch when weaning

Etc etc etc
Everyone has an opinion on child rearing. Who gives a fuck.

[Jamaican2018]

crushedstrawberries: Don't mind the lot of them, especially the older ones. Why? Many of them bottle fed their babies and many of them were bottle fed yet none of them or their kids are brain damaged. Come to think of it though, those who have the audacity to speak ignorance and I unrequested advice, are brain damaged.

[chaz1964]

Don't you waste one minute on that old hateful bag. my daughter only was breast freed for at most 6 weeks and she grew incredibly and she is very very intelligent, way beyond her age. woman get backlash for breast feeding and for not breastfeeding, don't you lose one minutes sleep for it.

[MiniGirl613]

I was bottle fed from the day I was born with goat's milk, because I was allergic to cow's milk. Grade School and High School I was an A/B student and made Honor Roll every time. In College, I was a straight A student and have 3 college degrees. I retired at 38 years old and 5 years after that I started a very successful Wedding business. Do not listen to people that say that breast feeding is the best, because I can plainly argue with them that it does not matter how you are fed when you are an infant. I know people that were breast fed and are dumber than a box of rocks and have no common sense (and also flunking out of College). You feed your baby what you think is the best, especially if they have a problem with breast feeding. Very proud of you to bottle feed your baby and all my best to you!

[MustBeDreaming]

I got told off once by a student because apparently breastfeeding a baby over six months old causes brain damage. I have no idea where they got that misinformation from but they were utterly convinced it was dangerous!

[Grannybound]

See that would make me be a smart mouth...minding your own business being cordial then out of nowhere comes that? I may have bit back by saying..."And you say this from experience I gather. Have some of your children or grandchildren not amounted to much - or are all of your breastfed children geniuses?" I would have a nice tone in my voice and would want her to explain. I can't help myself. Sometimes you need to get people to think these days....many just open mouth and insert foot. I know, I have a problem too...LOL.

[mimidebbym]

So sorry someone felt the need to offer her negative opinion unsolicited. As mum's we do need to grow thicker skin because it does happen more than I care to admit. For the record, I bottle fed our younger son partly with breast milk and mostly with formula. He's now almost 29 years old and, quite frankly, throughout school was ranked amongst the smartest of his peers according to national test scores. Without studying, his college entrance exam was also amongst the highest of his peers. All this is not to brag, but to say you needn't let this woman's, or anyone else's, ignorant remarks make you feel bad about the choices you make for your children. If an issue is health-related, do your research, make your decision and know you've done what's best for your child with the information to hand at the time. BTW, our older son was exclusively breastfed and he's equally smart. Soooo, I'm going with breastfeeding has exactly nothing to do with brain power. And shame on the woman for sticking her nose in where it didn't belong.

[Trampire]

I forgot one.

Once a man in the street stopped me to tell me I was 'damaging' my child's mental health because I didn't have a buggy that faced me. Dd was about 18 months at the time.

Now nearly 14, we're very close. I like think that's to spite him

[Trampire]

I've never really been shamed for ff to be honest.

I've had crazy comments though, and yes always from old people.

Outside a shop once I was talking to a friend and my dd was playing 'in and out' of some yellow bars in the shape of a bike outside a bike shop (perfectly safe Street 'art' type thing designed to be used etc). An old man came up to me and said "for God's sake! You people! Just take your child to the park!!" He walked off before I could respond.

I was gob smacked.

Also, as I was walking along with dd in a buggy (about 2) she was having a tantrum. An elderly lady said to me "goodness me! She's hungry why don't you feed her!" And tutted off.

My dcs are teens now. People are weird and rude. You just have to shrug it off.

[Lunalula]

I was mum shamed by a midwife hours after I'd given birth to my dd!

[FrenchJunebug]

I also got mum shamed because I dared buying non-blue clothes for my baby son! I kid you not!

[Birdie6]

I'm in my 60's so yes I was part of that "formula is fine" movement. Which was good for me since I had no desire to breast feed. Both my kids were exclusively formula fed on S 26, and both of them now are grammar school teachers , so no lack of brain development there. They were the first two people in my family to attend university and both did really well. It doesn't matter what you feed your baby on, if they are loved and given opportunities they'll do well.

[Shazafied]

@sollyfromsurrey
I think you might be on the wrong thread.

[C8H10N4O2]

Not trying to jump to conclusions but she could have alzeimers/dementia

Crikey, I'd like to see your efforts when you are actually trying to jump to conclusions.

We don't even know what "elderly" is in this context and since I've seen it described as 30+ on some threads its entirely possible that she was part of the swinging 60s or a punk from the 70s.

[Breakyourselfagainstmystones]

The only fact I take issue with is that some people don't breastfeed because they just don't want to. This is a selfish and ignorant behaviour that has no place in parenting. But other than that, it's not really anyone else's place to comment at Mother's feeding babies

So other than commenting calling people who don't want to breastfeed selfish and ignorant you don't think it's anyone's place to comment?

Different families make different choices for different reasons. You have no right to call anyone selfish and certainly no right to call anyone ignorant considering the ignorance you've just displayed.

[sunshineandshowers21]

never ever in my life have i been ‘mum shamed,’ nor do i know anybody who has. is this actually a common accurence ‘cause i see it all the time on here!

[halfwitpicker]

The only fact I take issue with is that some people don't breastfeed because they just don't want to. This is a selfish and ignorant behaviour that has no place in parenting. But other than that, it's not really anyone else's place to comment at Mother's feeding babies.

^

Oh boy....

[halfwitpicker]

I'd have replied with 'ya think?'

None of her Blardy business

[sollyfromsurrey]

Facts:breastfeeding is best, formula feeding is better than no feeding, formula won't damage a child, some people can't breast feed, some people don't want to breastfeed.

The only fact I take issue with is that some people don't breastfeed because they just don't want to. This is a selfish and ignorant behaviour that has no place in parenting. But other than that, it's not really anyone else's place to comment at Mother's feeding babies.

[Vampiratequeen]

I remember my HV telling me to stop giving my DD in cups with kids as it will effect her speech, she was 2 at that point, wouldn't drink from a cup without a lid and she is advanced in her speech, always was.
Also both of mine were FF fed and are both advanced.
People will always tell you you are doing something wrong, it is easier to ignore as you little one gets bigger and you can see that they are clearly wrong and that what you are doing is right for YOUR child.

[StoppinBy]

@stealthpolarbear……. your comments gave me a good giggle.