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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much spare money you have per month?

44 replies

adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:18

I'm 19- live with my (older) boyfriend and pay towards rent. I get paid £460 a month total by my job as I work part time due to studying. I only have £40pm left spare money after my payments.

My bills currently:
£160 pm food shopping (includes basic household stuff and body wash etc too). My budget for food shopping is £40per week usually and I shop at a mixture of Lidl's and Morrisons.

£50pm phone contract. (I've tried to change it to a cheaper one but it's under my mums name and she has not had time yet to come with me to the store to change it over to my name and enable me to then go on a cheaper contract, so I pay her £50pm for that.

£150pm rent to my boyfriend. (His rent per month is £450pm and he can easily afford it- earns £3k plus a month). But I like to contribute due to water bills/electric etc.

I also have to pay £30 per month off my credit card (which I had to take out to pay for my course) and £30 per month off a loan I had to take out to pay for my books for my course too.

After all that I have £40pm left for myself. Usually is spent on paying for a date or two each month or extra things I may need. (Most recently new tights for work and envelopes and stamps).

I feel like I'm drowning at the moment with Christmas coming round. I have no nice clothes and honestly always feel like I never contribute enough to our flat/living costs.

Moving back home is not an option for anyone that suggests it.

My partner has vocalised that he is ready to propose to me soon and we looked at rings a month or two ago. We've been together for over a year and half now. Living together for 14 months of that.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 18/11/2018 20:24

Does your boyfriend expect you to pay as much as you do, or do you do it as you feel you should do?

I think you need to sit and have a proper chat with him about what you can afford. If he's serious about you and wants to get married, I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be struggling financially.

If however, he thinks it's ok for him to have loads of spare cash while you struggle, then you need to seriously think about whether this relationship is working for you?

Asdf12345 · 18/11/2018 20:27

Your disposable income should double each month once you sort that phone contract out.

Redglitter · 18/11/2018 20:28

What other people have left a month is really irrelevant to your situation. You need to speak to.your boyfriend about how you're going to split finances. Is he aware how little money you have

Isitweekendyet · 18/11/2018 20:28

I second Violet's post entirely.

If the above choice is your decision then round of applause to you, OP. You are a very proud and determined woman.

If it is his expectation then I would have a frank conversation regarding money and possibly start looking at a flat share.

Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:30

@VioletCharlotte hi, thanks for replying :) he's said that the extra £150 a month is helpful and he needs it as he's paying back loans and credit cards each month anyway.

He is always generous and offers to help me out with money but I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend! He often pays for when we go out too. I just don't want to be a financial burden to him iyswim! X

OP posts:
Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:33

@Asdf12345 I know, I've been trying to sort it for ages! Even went to the store on my own but they need my mum there as it's in her name and she works all week and is rarely free when I am 😩

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Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:34

@Redglitter I know, I just wanted to see if someone was in a similar situation and knows how to manage their money better :) plus it's nice to know I'm not on my own!

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Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:34

@Redglitter I have no idea about splitting finances, he's always generous but he definitely wouldn't give me free rein to his money each month even if we were married! (Which is fine- I want to earn my own money anyway)

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 18/11/2018 20:36

Between DH and me, about £400. £300 of which goes into savings

Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:36

@Isitweekendyet it's my choice :) I just don't want to be the kind of woman that relies on a man! Especially since a lot of people probably look at the age difference (16years) and assume I'm with him for a free ride! I'm not. I'm studying for my Law degree to have a successful career myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:37

@GreenMeerkat I'd love to set up a joint savings with my boyfriend too, might talk to him about that. Sounds like you have a good amount of money going into savings each month :)

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VioletCharlotte · 18/11/2018 20:37

@adoggymama if he takes home £3k a month, he should be able to manage £450 rent plus bills easily, especially as you're paying for all the food. How much debt does he have?!

It's great that you don't want to be a burden, but if this is a proper partnership, you have to be able to talk about this stuff and come to a solution that's fair for both of you.

Is your income likely to increase in the near future? £460 a month isn't a lot, are you working full time?

Redglitter · 18/11/2018 20:38

I'm not suggesting you get free reign with his money but there's such a massive imbalance. You say you like to contribute is he aware what a strain paying part of the rent is? Presumably your finances will improve when you stop studying so it's short term. If he loves you enough to propose I'm sure he loves you enough to help support you

Craft1905 · 18/11/2018 20:39

£50pm phone contract. (I've tried to change it to a cheaper one but it's under my mums name and she has not had time yet to come with me to the store to change it over to my name and enable me to then go on a cheaper contract, so I pay her £50pm for that.

Reduce her payment to £25....she'll soon find the time.

Prawnsandwhich · 18/11/2018 20:39

I’m struggling to understand the ‘he said he needs it to pay back loans and credit cards’ yeh his income is over £3k and yours in a quarter of that yet he’ll leave you skint for the month?

Redglitter · 18/11/2018 20:41

I'd love to set up a joint savings with my boyfriend too, might talk to him about that

Where are you going to get money for a joint savings account? That is NOT the conversation you need to be having with him just now. That's for in the future when you have a real income. You don't have anything to contribute to a savings account right now Hmm

Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:47

@VioletCharlotte I pay for my food, he buys his each week and we equally share the cost of toilet rolls, dog food, cleaning products etc.

I've got 4 years to go studying before I'll be able to work full time. If I keep on track with my studies I should be able to attend university in 2020. (I'm studying a law HE diploma atm to work towards getting my diploma and getting my Law degree). I've applied for a maintenance loan and may be able to get that in February of next year. That will only be £310pm extra though and most of that will be for more law books for my course and I also need a new laptop so I'll have to spend it on that too. But I haven't been accepted for the maintenance loan yet so I have no idea.

X

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 18/11/2018 20:48

Ah ok, just seen you're studying for a law degree, sorry ignore my last question. Do you not get a maintenance loan?

Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:48

@VioletCharlotte regarding his debt- I'm not too sure to be honest. He took out a 10k loan for his BIL a few years ago and is still paying that back. (BIL didn't end up paying him back and as boyfriend was living with him and his sister at the time they said he should take it out for them as he's living at their home rent free).

He has a lot of credit cards too.

OP posts:
Cazwontbudge · 18/11/2018 20:48

This sounds like my exDP. Is he quite controlling in general? How do you feel at 19,having 10 quid a week to yourself? Do you feel you can comfortably discuss this issue with him?
Best of luck with your studies,keep them up regardless of whatever else.

Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:49

@Craft1905 haha! That's a good idea, just hate being cheeky. I've actually just been on the phone with her and we're making a plan to go one evening this week. (It's Tesco mobile so the stores are open late)

She's a great mum, really supportive as I've had anxiety and depression issues in the past and now. But she's so busy and gets tired from work all week.

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Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:52

@Redglitter he knows I'm basically skint each month, but each time he's said 'oh don't pay me it, save it' he's then ended up saying a few days later that he's struggling and needs it for the water and electric bills.

I really don't mind paying towards the rent as I feel like it's our home together. It would be easier though if he had less debts. We need to get an extra £2.5k saved too as our pup needs surgery on both his legs soon and insurance will only pay up to £3k of the surgery.

I'm looking into bloody dancing work at a club in London and modelling work at the moment to try and make some spare cash to save for our dog. (He doesn't want me to do either understandably).

OP posts:
Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:53

@Prawnsandwhich I don't have as much to pay out for as him I guess. Plus I don't and have never expected him to pay my way. I'm surviving at the moment. But the stress of money is unreal.

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Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:54

@Redglitter I know I don't have anything at the moment. But he wants to save for things anyway as our dog needs surgery so he's wanting to put that money away in a second account and I would love to contribute to it. (Even if it's only £10per month)

OP posts:
Original poster
adoggymama · 18/11/2018 20:55

@VioletCharlotte I mentioned that in second to last reply to you :) xx

OP posts:
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